Opaline
1
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How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
The domain expired and was pending renewal or deletion.
springk
Well-known member
:bigsmile:
I was quite surprised how much this place is a part of my life. Checked all the time to see if spw was back, visited random forums, logged in to long neglected sites..What will i do without spw !
Yup i need to have a life or more accurately do something with my life.
JohnnAY
Well-known member
Yea, I'll admit I caught myself doing that also. I actually join another forum community in a moment of panic... I apologize..
springk
Well-known member
Time for another rant, I don't want to start a thread for this. I have always wondered at the idea of creating a journal but i know i will never ever write anything that will make any meaning , have any value , so i will not crowd the place with my worthless thoughts. All i need a little space to pour out my heart.
I am tired of challenging myself, trying to tell myself that everything will be alright when i know in my heart that nothing will.
My brain is all so messed up. All those horrible thoughts, i survived all those thoughts. I still have them but now i know they do not mean anything.
I joined this forum since i wanted to talk to people who can share my feelings, who know how horrible it is to live with ocd. I have been here for Three years but never talked to someone with similar problems ,let alone anyone who lives near me.
I was on a uk site before but i found it quite rigid and people were mainly from uk and i could not find any connection there. It helped me a lot to understand my condition.
Since then i have read about ocd, found my solutions that work for me and looked around my town for signboards of a mental heath doctor.
I have no faith in the medical system here and unless i drag one friend of mine to a kind of therapy center i saw, there is no hope of any professional help.
There are days when i manage to remain positive but there are far more days and moments when i find myself at the bottom of my existence, utterly desperate , lonely ,sad.
Those times are worse. I tell myself to get up, look at sky, believe in a power.
I survive and wake up to live another day where i know it is all the same as before and i have to push myself to make myself better.
This is getting pointless...
Still well i don't know if i will get better or die staring at the screen , hoping for a miracle or at least a person who understands me. I have thought many plans that can work for me. I am executing some of them, making very tiny changes in my life. I spent so much time online, i now manage to somehow reduce it( also thanks to my super expensive internet). I looked for foods that will help me, but sadly i am vegetarian so some things i can't eat. I do a little exercise and i am planning to run(even though the whole crowd will look at me) or at least walk. I drew a sketch today..not very good but still kept me engaged for a while.
Will write some exams, those are needed to get a crappy job here. I don't think i can be a teacher but that is what my masters lead me into.
I have also decided to de clutter my mind /home/ accounts spread over entire internet universe.
I get this positivity virus sometimes that keep me going. There are some posts on this forum that help , mainly from people who deal with SA, depression. Not many posts from people with ocd. If you have ocd please talk with me. I want a way out of it.
Being away from this place made me realize how much this place in the internet world makes me feel comforted. I don't have anywhere i can write down my feeling, at the same time i realize i have not done anything productive on here. I have never supported someone , helped them, never actually posted something that helped someone, never ever tried to help myself actively. I admit i get inspired when i read posts from others who are challenging themselves but that doesn't lasts long.
So..i guess i should stop but hey if you suffer from ocd please talk with me.
SORRY i don't want to post this but i have to
I am tired of challenging myself, trying to tell myself that everything will be alright when i know in my heart that nothing will.
My brain is all so messed up. All those horrible thoughts, i survived all those thoughts. I still have them but now i know they do not mean anything.
I joined this forum since i wanted to talk to people who can share my feelings, who know how horrible it is to live with ocd. I have been here for Three years but never talked to someone with similar problems ,let alone anyone who lives near me.
I was on a uk site before but i found it quite rigid and people were mainly from uk and i could not find any connection there. It helped me a lot to understand my condition.
Since then i have read about ocd, found my solutions that work for me and looked around my town for signboards of a mental heath doctor.
I have no faith in the medical system here and unless i drag one friend of mine to a kind of therapy center i saw, there is no hope of any professional help.
There are days when i manage to remain positive but there are far more days and moments when i find myself at the bottom of my existence, utterly desperate , lonely ,sad.
Those times are worse. I tell myself to get up, look at sky, believe in a power.
I survive and wake up to live another day where i know it is all the same as before and i have to push myself to make myself better.
This is getting pointless...
Still well i don't know if i will get better or die staring at the screen , hoping for a miracle or at least a person who understands me. I have thought many plans that can work for me. I am executing some of them, making very tiny changes in my life. I spent so much time online, i now manage to somehow reduce it( also thanks to my super expensive internet). I looked for foods that will help me, but sadly i am vegetarian so some things i can't eat. I do a little exercise and i am planning to run(even though the whole crowd will look at me) or at least walk. I drew a sketch today..not very good but still kept me engaged for a while.
Will write some exams, those are needed to get a crappy job here. I don't think i can be a teacher but that is what my masters lead me into.
I have also decided to de clutter my mind /home/ accounts spread over entire internet universe.
I get this positivity virus sometimes that keep me going. There are some posts on this forum that help , mainly from people who deal with SA, depression. Not many posts from people with ocd. If you have ocd please talk with me. I want a way out of it.
Being away from this place made me realize how much this place in the internet world makes me feel comforted. I don't have anywhere i can write down my feeling, at the same time i realize i have not done anything productive on here. I have never supported someone , helped them, never actually posted something that helped someone, never ever tried to help myself actively. I admit i get inspired when i read posts from others who are challenging themselves but that doesn't lasts long.
So..i guess i should stop but hey if you suffer from ocd please talk with me.
SORRY i don't want to post this but i have to
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Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
^Sorry yer going through a difficult time with OCD, Sping. Ah don't know what tae say really...
I'm sorry about you situation... That quote in particular got me thinking. Have you ever been tested by a doctor for a b12 deficiency? Most vegetarians are b12 deficient and there have been cases where b12 deficiency has led to ocd (it also leads to depression):
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as Early Manifestation of B12 Deficiency
Can a Vitamin B12 deficiency bring around an OCD? - Yahoo! Answers
Just asking out of curiosity, are you a vegetarian by choice or because of having a specific religion?
Srijita52
Well-known member
Hang in there spring..I really hope it gets better and you find the help you need.
I hate being awkward, when I say and do the weirdest things around people, its embarassing sometimes. Part of it maybe because of anxiety as well. But yeah atleast I'm trying, maybe the best I can do is to learn from them. Guess its a part of learning something, making mistakes.
Also I feel the need of a friend.
I hate being awkward, when I say and do the weirdest things around people, its embarassing sometimes. Part of it maybe because of anxiety as well. But yeah atleast I'm trying, maybe the best I can do is to learn from them. Guess its a part of learning something, making mistakes.
Also I feel the need of a friend.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
You and me both, Srijita, darlin'. Ah hate being awkward around people. Nae idea what to say, feelin' awkward everytime ah open ma mouth because am scared folk will laugh at me! :sad: Aye, it's mostly anxiety for me as well and a lack of confidence on ma part.
But there's no success without failure - ah know, a bleak n' depressin' thought but it's true. Just got tae stay strong and hang in there, ah guess. :thumbup:
Same! Though, am havin' to access this forum via a proxy server. Which is kinda frustratin' for me, just sayin... :kickingmyself:
Srijita52
Well-known member
^Yeah, I know what you mean Gream. Maybe if we keep trying one day it can get better.
I, for one, was definitely freaking out. I'm glad to see you all again.
Hoppy
Well-known member
I, for one, was definitely freaking out. I'm glad to see you all again.
I was surprised to realize how much I came to depend on this forum, so yes, I missed all of you.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Ooh, I remember you telling me about this. The best of luck to you, Mikey! :thumbup: I am very positive that you'll get in!I just registered to do a test to get into uni next year!
Nervous, excited, scared...all rolled into one!
I just registered to do a test to get into uni next year!
Nervous, excited, scared...all rolled into one!
I am so proud, so proud, huge step
Delighted
:thumbup::applause::numberone:
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Srijita52
Well-known member
I'm anxious! I have to be in a social event all day today with nothing else to do except for chatting with random people, hanging out. Of course being me, the first reaction is to avoid it by all costs but it never helps so I guess the only option is going.
That is super awesome! Good luck Mikey.
I just registered to do a test to get into uni next year!
Nervous, excited, scared...all rolled into one!
That is super awesome! Good luck Mikey.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
I was feeling fairly okay tonight. Now I just don't know how I feel. A part of me still feels okay, another part of me feels nervous, and I'm also slightly annoyed.
One of my brother's old friends keeps texting me. Yesterday he didn't text me all day and I was hoping he'd given up on me, but he just started texting me again asking to hang out or take a ride with him. A few days ago he had stopped by just to visit. This isn't too uncommon, since he's been in and out of this place the last 10 years, especially when him and my brother were friends. He got my number somehow (maybe my mother) and first prank texted me and almost sent me into a panic attack that night. (I hate unknown numbers!) Then he barged into my room and started teasing me. Then after he left that night he still kept texting me, asking if I wanted to go to the movies or hang out or something. I found it rather strange and declined. I've known him for 10 years and now he's suddenly interested? No, just no. While I feel okay just talking to him every now and then, I know he's the definition of trouble. (Not even going to get into what happened last summer) As much as I would like a boyfriend, I'm not just going to accept for the sake of having one and not share the same feelings. Also, if I want to date someone I'm in it for the long run, not for a few casual hook-ups because he's bored or to be some object to parade around at a party to show his friends.
I already declined him twice now. I'm nervous that he's just going to keep pressuring me to the point where I'll be driven insane and I'll maybe cave just to shut him up. I really don't want that to happen.
One of my brother's old friends keeps texting me. Yesterday he didn't text me all day and I was hoping he'd given up on me, but he just started texting me again asking to hang out or take a ride with him. A few days ago he had stopped by just to visit. This isn't too uncommon, since he's been in and out of this place the last 10 years, especially when him and my brother were friends. He got my number somehow (maybe my mother) and first prank texted me and almost sent me into a panic attack that night. (I hate unknown numbers!) Then he barged into my room and started teasing me. Then after he left that night he still kept texting me, asking if I wanted to go to the movies or hang out or something. I found it rather strange and declined. I've known him for 10 years and now he's suddenly interested? No, just no. While I feel okay just talking to him every now and then, I know he's the definition of trouble. (Not even going to get into what happened last summer) As much as I would like a boyfriend, I'm not just going to accept for the sake of having one and not share the same feelings. Also, if I want to date someone I'm in it for the long run, not for a few casual hook-ups because he's bored or to be some object to parade around at a party to show his friends.
I already declined him twice now. I'm nervous that he's just going to keep pressuring me to the point where I'll be driven insane and I'll maybe cave just to shut him up. I really don't want that to happen.
I just registered to do a test to get into uni next year!
Nervous, excited, scared...all rolled into one!
Good luck with the test!:thumbup: