Last week I was in with these two ladies and this guy came and blocked the steps and said "now nobody is getting out".I said "oh well..."
I've had people get in and ask me my whole life history(at least it felt like it). I've had people get in and start b*tching about all kinds of stuff.
Last week I was in with these two ladies and this guy came and blocked the steps and said "now nobody is getting out".
I feel awful. I don't understand why, I genuinely do not. I think I had an OKAY night tonight but I am entirely skeptical on how others perceive me. There must something inherently wrong with me that is utterly undeniable and impossible to fix. I feel like I may have embarrassed myself, but I don't know, I genuinely do not know. It's an awful feeling really... to be so unsure about how others have perceived you. Did I do OKAY? Did I say something stupid that would make these people never want to talk to me again? How do I even know? Over thinking is a bitch.
What is worse is that I feel like I have to take an incredible amount of substances to even get myself out into the world, and even then I am still rattled with nerves and insecurities. Both psychically and mentally. That is NOT normal in the slightest. Anxiety and panic (even worse in my opinion) is entirely debilitating. I should not have to combine opiates, benzos and alcohol in order to feel like I can go outside and communicate with others. I often feel like I need all three at once to even get myself out there to function on the most basic levels of human interactions. I honestly might end up accidentally killing myself this way. Does that even matter though? Right now I'm okay, I'll be fine tomorrow, but a few times I have overdone these combinations and struggled to keep myself breathing. I have also woken up the next day in some random places a few times having ZERO or very little memory of the previous night. What the **** is wrong with me. Who does this? I hate myself.
I would give anything to be panic free. Again, it's absolutely debilitating. I feel cursed sometimes, by oh so many things. Cursed by feeling hideous every second of my existence, and cursed by being inflicted with all this nonsense. Not to mention all these ridiculous eye and medical problems that have been popping up lately. In a way I feel like I deserve all of it though.I am a winning combination aren't I? I wish people didn't hate me, I wish people would accept me, I wish I were physically healthy, I wish I were decent looking... I don't want to be me
By the way, sorry for this long nonsensical rant....
Overthinking simple situations sucks. I'm sure I, as well as many others here, know what it's like to deliberate over normal interactions. I don't believe there's anything inherently wrong with you, just that you are suffering anxiety and these are some of the side-effects of it.
Oh no, are you alright? I'm glad you're better today.
*hugs* Graeme
Psyche, please don't be too hard on yourself. I know its easier said than done but it can be done! Distract yourself when those negative thoughts pop in your mind and treat yourself gently. I'm sorry you're feeling like this *hugs*I feel awful. I don't understand why, I genuinely do not. I think I had an OKAY night tonight but I am entirely skeptical on how others perceive me. There must something inherently wrong with me that is utterly undeniable and impossible to fix. I feel like I may have embarrassed myself, but I don't know, I genuinely do not know. It's an awful feeling really... to be so unsure about how others have perceived you. Did I do OKAY? Did I say something stupid that would make these people never want to talk to me again? How do I even know? Over thinking is a bitch.
What is worse is that I feel like I have to take an incredible amount of substances to even get myself out into the world, and even then I am still rattled with nerves and insecurities. Both psychically and mentally. That is NOT normal in the slightest. Anxiety and panic (even worse in my opinion) is entirely debilitating. I should not have to combine opiates, benzos and alcohol in order to feel like I can go outside and communicate with others. I often feel like I need all three at once to even get myself out there to function on the most basic levels of human interactions. I honestly might end up accidentally killing myself this way. Does that even matter though? Right now I'm okay, I'll be fine tomorrow, but a few times I have overdone these combinations and struggled to keep myself breathing. I have also woken up the next day in some random places a few times having ZERO or very little memory of the previous night. What the **** is wrong with me. Who does this? I hate myself.
I would give anything to be panic free. Again, it's absolutely debilitating. I feel cursed sometimes, by oh so many things. Cursed by feeling hideous every second of my existence, and cursed by being inflicted with all this nonsense. Not to mention all these ridiculous eye and medical problems that have been popping up lately. In a way I feel like I deserve all of it though.I am a winning combination aren't I? I wish people didn't hate me, I wish people would accept me, I wish I were physically healthy, I wish I were decent looking... I don't want to be me
By the way, sorry for this long nonsensical rant....
Sorry to hear you're feeling this way, Srijita. A good way is to just think about what's important to you and focus on that. Having bad/sad days is a part of the human process, so think about what's important to you (job, career, family, good food, the complete series of Friends on DVD), and also to understand why you're feeling down, where it's come from, and understanding the severity of it. Cognitive processing is good in this case as it can rationalise and limit the pain associated with sadness.
Haha, yeah, I'm good today. After lots of vomiting, including a massive one at the end, I got whatever was in me out of me. I was a whisker away from going to the hospital, but there's no need to now.
