An observation from an outsider

[Biff]

First of all, you people are not going to like this post. I know your all really "sensitive", so I'll try to be as gentle as possible.

I got this website by evesdropping on my brother the other night, he is 34 and still lives in my parents house. I am 31. He is like you, over sensitive and depressed. It pains me to see him like this because life is passing him by. He is not married yet, unemployed, has no house of his own, and has never paid a bill, ever. He is totally dependant on my parents.

I will give you the same advice I keep giving him. The world is a tough place. People are only out for themselves. They really don't care if you are socially crippled. Period. So why are you so worried about it? We don't care.

I work in sales and I can tell you that you will never get anywhere unless you make an effort and take some action. People may feel sorry for you, but that's it. YOU are the only person who can help YOU. You can analyze yourself to death, but it doesn,t mean shit unless you are willing to take ACTION.

I read a few posts here and you people are not doing yourselves any favours. You need to pull the dummy tit out of your mouth and make an effort. Move out of your parents basement, get a job, make an effort to meet people. Get professional help, if nessessary. Start living!

I have a successful career in sales because of sheer determination and the attitude that if you don't like the way I am, fuck you. Nothing worthwhile is free. You can't break out of this without putting forth a massive effort. This is the way life works. It's like that in business and it's like that in your personal life.

One last thing: "You need to get wet before you can swim", Think about it

 

[Tim001]

I don't know what to say So much for sensitivity. I feel so much better now...

Can one of the mods remove this post?

 

[Crimefish]

Can I just say, not all of us are depressed. I'm not depressed, I'm just annoyed by the ignorance of people who think you can beat a mental illness with willpower alone.
But thanks for trying to help.

 

[Tim001]

God, this post gets my blood pressure going. I will try to be civil.

What is your brother going to think when he reads this? He will know it's from you and how will he feel. You know maybe you're the one that needs a few hours on the couch. :?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

for one i agree with your attitude, everyone should make themselves, we are the only ones that can help ourselves. however it seems like you're just bitter towards your brother b/c you imply he's lazy as a result of his SP. one word: Empathy. not sympathy. but empathy. i also work in sales and suffer from SP and stay positive. i think your post is more of a sterotype derived from your brother more than actual advice.

 

[Scottish_Player]

First of all, you people are not going to like this post. I know your all really "sensitive", so I'll try to be as gentle as possible.

I got this website by evesdropping on my brother the other night, he is 34 and still lives in my parents house. I am 31. He is like you, over sensitive and depressed. It pains me to see him like this because life is passing him by. He is not married yet, unemployed, has no house of his own, and has never paid a bill, ever. He is totally dependant on my parents.

I will give you the same advice I keep giving him. The world is a tough place. People are only out for themselves. They really don't care if you are socially crippled. Period. So why are you so worried about it? We don't care.

I work in sales and I can tell you that you will never get anywhere unless you make an effort and take some action. People may feel sorry for you, but that's it. YOU are the only person who can help YOU. You can analyze yourself to death, but it doesn,t mean shit unless you are willing to take ACTION.

I read a few posts here and you people are not doing yourselves any favours. You need to pull the dummy tit out of your mouth and make an effort. Move out of your parents basement, get a job, make an effort to meet people. Get professional help, if nessessary. Start living!

I have a successful career in sales because of sheer determination and the attitude that if you don't like the way I am, fuck you. Nothing worthwhile is free. You can't break out of this without putting forth a massive effort. This is the way life works. It's like that in business and it's like that in your personal life.

One last thing: "You need to get wet before you can swim", Think about it

NO COMMENT :roll:

 

[black_mamba]

I read a few posts here and you people are not doing yourselves any favours. You need to pull the dummy tit out of your mouth and make an effort. Move out of your parents basement, get a job, make an effort to meet people. Get professional help, if nessessary. Start living!

Would you say the same to a man stuck in a coma? To a woman wired up to a thousand different drips and machines in a hospital?

"Get a grip and start living"?!

For fucks sake, a perfect example of how mental ILLNESS is misunderstood.

We all want to live, we just have this malfunction, this 'condition' that makes it physically difficult for us to be social.

Do not confuse it with laziness.

Biff, if you're brother thinks he has Social Phobia, why not reasearch the condition then get back to us? I'd be interested in hearing your opinion after you've become more familiar with our problem. Coz right now you just sound like another ignorant fool we've all become accustomed to.

 

[Toad]

You're entitled to your opinion, but it's unfortunate that your opinion is the very reason why people like me are afraid to admit they have problems. When you admit you have a problem you get labled with all the sterotypes it comes with...mainly..your post. If you want to make a comment like that it's best to fully understand what you are saying by understanding the problem. It is obvious that you do not understand the problem, and may never because as the saying goes "It takes one to know one".

 

[emmie]

you need to read up on and gain some knowledge on mental health. Lazy is the last thing i am i run my own buisiness with great difficulty and i havnt been payin 40 pounds a week to c a counciller because i cant be bothered to do anything. dont u think we try to think posistive etc but unfortuently it dosnt help much so take my advice and come back when you understand and maybe you could give your bro some support :roll:

 

[ColdFury]

Nobody asked for your "opinion" moron. Go away, we don't care what normal people think.

 

[Sebastian]

Biff has a point. What he might not understand is that sociophobics try to do all those things but find them hard to succeed or they do not last long. There are many things that you take for granted and that you're not even aware of because you haven't experienced their misfunction. If you want to help your brother, do not pitty him nor berrate him. If you have some time, try to get in his shoes and to live his life (or the closest life to his you can) and then you might be able to help him more.

 

[Biff]

Well, it looks like I made a few enemies. Most of the replies were intelligent -except the guy who called me a moron, oh well. For the record, I never once called anyone lazy. I admit, I don’t understand your condition, but let me leave you with a tidbit and then I won’t visit this site again.

In my field, rejection is a part of life. I get rejected all day long. How do I handle it? It’s an old sales thing called inoculation. You need to apply several small doses of rejection and build up your immunity. This works, believe me. I’m not sure if it could be applied in your case, however-it might. Well, best of luck.

 

[Scottish_Player]

He is not married yet, unemployed, has no house of his own, and has never paid a bill, ever. He is totally dependant on my parents.

Biff why dont you try to help your brother instead of reminding him of everything he dosent have,dont force him into anything he dosent want to do and just try to understand him a little and have a bit of patience.I wish my brother would invite me out sometime,i dont know how bad your bro is but maybe say to him if he wants to just go for a drive to somewhere it will give you a good chance to talk one 2 one as he will have no way of escaping you as yous both will be in a car.Not everyone is like you we are all made up with diffrent qualities and personalities and maybe you are just one of the lucky ones

Like i said i dont know how bad your brother is but dont expect over night changes if you realy want to help him you will be willing to spend a long time at it atleast a year i would think,but again do try to help him rather than moan at him

 

[mrblack]

First of all, both sides are being a little harsh. For one part I do not think many of us can take Biff's rant, because we have become so submissive to the notion that we have this "mental illness.." and find it impossible to change. Sometimes it does take a slap in the face to change yourself.

Think about all the times, where you are happily encouraged by others to try your best. Sure, it works sometimes, but not always. Army personalles go through rigourous training methods to get to their positions in the reserve. Boxers, are encouraged by loud mouthed angry obnoxious trainers, who ironically, increase the boxer's overall performance in the ring.

Maybe Biff came off as bitter, but after his last post, it seems he is becoming a little more sympathetic to our cause, as was his impression from his first post...If we get people like him to post, ,we should welcome them and allow objective discussion, rather than scare them off , or have them give up on his because WE are unwilling to make the change...

Someone mentioned how they hate that many believe how we can change through "willpower" alone. I'd like some more information on this. If not willpower, will you just sit and accept your condition? Sure, will power itself can be a hassle to work with, but mixing your will with other self help techniques, and or whatever works for you, even if it's a medication with a placebo effect of whatever; we should not shun out our will power.

I encourage Biff, to post more often if he can, and maybe both sides can come to an understanding of one another.

 

[Greenade]

Well i would hardly call someone who makes posts like this "Normal" they certainly are not....... :x

Biff you are just very ignorant, and you are judging us and most importantly your brother, with your own narrow minded and uncaring attitude...

Maybe YOU should get some professional help for your "attention seeking" personality disorder...

Ade

 

[wutnow]

Many years ago after watching the same unshaven, disheveled, stumbling "drunk" come into a store and slur his speech for the 1000th time, I finally asked the owner (in the 'drunk' guy's presence) why he didn't through the guy out as he was obviously drunk all the time and you couldn't understand what the hell he was saying half the time. The owner smirked and told me the man had Multiple Sclerosis (sp?), thus the speech condition.

Man, what a public dick I was. I felt like a complete and utter fetid stain on what otherwise is a somewhat intelligent society 8O . I couldn't really go back to that store and hang out with the old man anymore - there was always that tension.

I've been different since then, since I know I hurt that man terribly. I was shocked that I could make a mistake like that and that it could be so quick and painful. Big lesson learned. That is not the type of person I want to be.

Impatience/ arrogance is what I got out of the original post. Otherwise, what else is new? But neither is the advice to help oneself. That will always be true. It's going to take a huge amount of personal effort to fix this thing.

 

[Sebastian]

I also think that Biff can help us a little, while we can help him understand what it's like being a sociophobic.

Yes, inoculation works. It's one of the main principles of what they call cognitive-behavior therapy. For some people, one of the problems is that you have to constantly take that dose otherwise you might regress.


Biff, if you have other advices for us, feel free to share them with us.

 

[despise]

I read a few posts here and you people are not doing yourselves any favours. You need to pull the dummy tit out of your mouth and make an effort. Move out of your parents basement, get a job, make an effort to meet people. Get professional help, if nessessary. Start living!
One last thing: "You need to get wet before you can swim", Think about it

social phobia is a very complicated thing. you cannot simply change over night. we ARE doing things about this. do you think it's a choice that we are like this? i know the majority of people on this site are trying to get help. i know i am. and it's not easy. people say that they 'understand what we're going through and how we feel'. but they have no idea unless they themselves have lived with social phobia.
it's great you're concerned about your brothers health and all. talk to him. see if you two can work something out. try to get him to go to a professional.
and about your quote, some of us have gotten wet many times but have never been able to swim. sometimes we sink. but we don't drown.
i'm not sure if anybody would be able to understand that, but it makes sense to me :?

 

[Danfalc]

Im not going to comment much on this otherwise im gonna lose my temper, except for saying we do deal with it day in and day out, having what we have is so awfull to live that if we could simply snap out of it why the fuck would we be prepared to live like this.

You said move out, get a job meet people and seek medical help.I moved out when i was 15, ive been getting help proffesional help for 2 years and i havnt improved one bit and i nearly had a break down when i tried working.So unless you actualy know how to get better, please keep your arrogant ignorant stupid ideas to yourself.I just hope for your brothers sake that you can see that this is a serious illness rather than a state of mind which we can just snap out of as you suggested Biff.

(and yeah that makes perfect sence despise)

 

[esp]

Biff, are you trying to help us? Its nice to give some advice but you need to understand the condition a bit better than you do before you do it. Its just not that simple when you have anxiety, maybe if you had anxiety you might understand a bit better.