Dating Sites

coyote

coyote

Well-known member
^i don't think hating women is the best way to get them to want to date you

i can't understand why you continually discount the advice of women themselves, when your approach is obviously not working for you

so from another male:

i've been married twice, i've dated a little

i've had sex 3,786 times with 33 different women

and i don't have any of these things:

popularity, money, nice clothes, nice car, attractive, alpha male persona, etc...basically prince charming.
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it's not so much about being accepted because of my interests

it's about the interest i show in THEM - as people
 
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coyote

coyote

Well-known member
doubleM said:
i dont hate them. im just calling them out on things they do that are unfair.
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to extend the metaphor...

women have the ball and possession of the court - it's the only game in town

if you want to play, you have to accept the rules and work within them
 
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doubleM

doubleM

Well-known member
coyote said:
to extend the metaphor...

women have the ball and possession of the court - it's the only game in town

if you want to play, you have to accept the rules and work within them
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i get it but...why should i play a game where i cant win and with unfair rules? id rather just not play at all.
 
R

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
doubleM said:
i get it but...why should i play a game where i cant win and with unfair rules? id rather just not play at all.
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You can win. That's what coyote was saying. And if you'd rather not play at all, why complain?

I've never understood why guys complain about how terrible women are in the way they behave, the choices they make, etc. If you have such a low opinion of such women, they why would you want to date them in the first place? It's not like you're losing out, because they're obviously not compatible with you anyway. Why not focus instead on those women that you do have something in common with?
 
elek2ronik

elek2ronik

1
I haven't read much of this thread, but I just wanted to give my two cents. I think people make the whole meeting males/females and dating process far too difficult than it actually is. I like coyotes outlook on this subject. You just have to do it, and see where it leads.

We are all people with feelings and desires. We just have to learn to be comfortable with yourselves and then go out and meet new people. If you can learn to be yourself, then you can see who and who you don't connect with. Then it all progresses from there.

I used to be so shy and afraid to meet girls, that I avoided it for years. Once i learned that all it took was a little effort and being "myself", that it all began to work for me. Sure i'm 31 and single at the moment, but i'm not afraid of meeting new girls and going on dates with them. I'm pretty close to one girl now, but nothing official yet. I imagine that will change soon, but if not, then i'll just continue to meet people.
 
doubleM

doubleM

Well-known member
Rembrandt Broam said:
You can win. That's what coyote was saying. And if you'd rather not play at all, why complain?

I've never understood why guys complain about how terrible women are in the way they behave, the choices they make, etc. If you have such a low opinion of such women, they why would you want to date them in the first place? It's not like you're losing out, because they're obviously not compatible with you anyway. Why not focus instead on those women that you do have something in common with?
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its not that we dont have common interests or that we arent compatible. ive met good girls before but their flaw is they are with some jerkoff. we were totally compatible, but since i dont have that certain swagger he has then i get nothing, doomed to the friend zone. thats just the point im getting at. its not about compatibility its about swagger. why would said girl make this choice? is it because shes a terrible person? i didnt think she was, just foolish.
i can only stay true to myself and hope that one day i just stumble upon a woman who understands me.
 
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elek2ronik

elek2ronik

1
doubleM said:
its not that we dont have common interests or that we arent compatible. ive met good girls before but their flaw is they are with some jerkoff. we were totally compatible, but since i dont have that certain swagger he has then i get nothing, doomed to the friend zone. thats just the point im getting at. its not about compatibility its about swagger. why would said girl make this choice?
i can only stay true to myself and hope that one day i just stumble upon a woman who understands me.
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I know what you mean man, but in those situations you just have to accept that she only sees you as a friend and that's all it will ever be. There's nothing wrong with having a good friendship. It sucks, but DO stay true to yourself because you will eventually find a girl who you're compatible with and who will also want a relationship beyond friends with you!
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
MercySparx said:
You missed my point completely. What I was saying is that women aren't impressed by tricks, lines, or manipulation. You do talk to a women like you would one of your buddies, to do anything else is offensive and insulting. Women are individual, and have individual interests, if a girl doesn't have the same interests as you, go talk to a girl who does. Also, you should tone down the hyper-sensitivity. What I said wasn't insulting or belittling.
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When did I say I was studying lines or manipulation? What I am studying are conversation starters for dates. Some may be used on men, but many things said on a date are not something a guy says to his bros.

The main thing being flirting. I wouldn't flirt with my guy friends, but on a date, flirting with the woman would be a good idea. A date is on a more intimate level than friend conversations. It's not the same as friend talk on all levels.

Flirting is something you wouldn't do with your buddies. Now, is that offensive or insulting to flirt with your date? See, that's an example of how what you just wrote doesn't make sense.

I get what you are trying to say, that I should try to be myself with the woman, and I agree with that part.

To find a woman with the same exact interests as me is unrealistic. Plenty of relationships consist of people who don't have everything in common. You don't have to agree on everything. If you feel like you need to agree on everything with your mate, then you will never be able to settle down with anyone because you will always have stuff you disagree on.

You know, this is a helping website. Laughing at me for not knowing how to talk to girls and then calling me hypersensitive isn't exactly helping me.
 
OceanMist

OceanMist

Well-known member
coyote said:
to extend the metaphor...

women have the ball and possession of the court - it's the only game in town

if you want to play, you have to accept the rules and work within them
Click to expand...

Good point. This is something I've had to learn to accept.

It sucks that women have the ball and are on their home court at all times, but that's the way it is.

I'm going to play ball because I'm so sick of not playing ball and being a lonely, bored person. I have the desire to get out there and meet women and going to go for that.

The only way to do that is to play the game. I may lose, but I'll play. It's better to go down swinging and know I tried than to be a coward and sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else succeed. I've been a coward for a long time. It's time for a change. Online dating will be the beginning.....hopefully.

It'd be an achievement for me right now if I just got a 1 date.
 
K

Kinetik

Well-known member
OceanMist, a conversation that's rehearsed or any sort of 'game' that's engineered ahead of time will feel manipulative and disingenuous - especially when you run out of said game and the woman realizes that she isn't dealing with the real you.

The thing is, there's nothing to study. You're saying that you have to beat out a million other guys in order to get the prize. You don't. What you have to do is be yourself around as many different women as possible. Don't pick one from the bunch and become attached to her or any one outcome relating to her - do your thing, and if there's a click, she'll feel it too and come right back at you. You don't need to do any convincing - you're trying to attract an equal partner, you're not selling a car. If she's not into it, move on very quickly and try again. And therein lies the secret - no emotional attachment before it's due, and keeping it a numbers game whereby you'll get results if you keep trying often enough with enough different women.

Good luck with the online dating. :)
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
^^Good advice.

doubleM said:
i dont hate them. im just calling them out on things they do that are unfair.
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It's not as if men are any more fair to women. On a dating site a pretty picture by far the most important criterion. How smart she is, how nice she is, and any decisions she's made with her life are nothing compared to being photogenic.
 
A

AGR

Well-known member
NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
^^Good advice.


It's not as if men are any more fair to women. On a dating site a pretty picture by far the most important criterion. How smart she is, how nice she is, and any decisions she's made with her life are nothing compared to being photogenic.
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That goes both ways.
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Not nearly to the same extent. Both genders have, on the whole, lame and shallow biases. Just different types. Neither gender is more spiritual, evolved, deep, or anything of the sort.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
It gets really tiring to read these same arguments over and over about which gender has it the toughest when it comes to dating.

Both genders have their own different set of difficulties meeting and dating the opposite sex.
Winging and having a negative attitude about the opposite gender is not going to get anyone anywhere in life.

A negative attitude can be picked up pretty easily by the person your trying to attract and that can be very off-putting to say the least.

Many people may have a few bad experiences with the oppposite gender, but it is important not to then tar all in that gender with the same brush.
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
NathanielWingatePeaslee said:
Not nearly to the same extent. Both genders have, on the whole, lame and shallow biases. Just different types. Neither gender is more spiritual, evolved, deep, or anything of the sort.
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Women care about looks as much as men do; it's the prime indicator seen from a Darwinian perspective on whether or not your potential mate has the desired set of genetics.

Everyone remembers high school when some guy who was ugly got one of the hot chicks because he was "cool" (I.E. he was a wannabe gangster from the upper middle-class or acted like someone from a reality show), but post high school it doesn't work that way. I'm not saying that women are more shallow than men (let's be frank here: EVERYONE cares about looks), but the notion that women care less about looks than men is BS made up to sell e-books.

That being said, if you don't have problems getting dates or getting laid, but you're frequently rejected afterwards and can't keep a relationship going, then your looks aren't the problem.
 
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