Dating Sites

[AsTimeBurns]

Anyone tried them / had any luck with them?

I've been a member on a few, but I find it quite difficult to know what to say to people. I feel weird and desperate enough as it is sending messages to random people that I don't know, but I never really know what to say to them either, so I just end up being ignored or having a very brief conversation which soon dies out.

Anyone care to share any experiences or tips?

 

[userremoved]

I don't really have any tips but I can relate to your experiences. I find it hard to even approach people online unless I know we have a few things in common I can talk about. Otherwise I suck at small talk and introductions. And from what I can remember, most of the profiles I saw people mostly wrote what they were looking for and the only descriptions of themselves were things like "fun loving" or "outgoing". I also learned the hard way that asking someone what they like to do is a bad idea as it usually wont get a response.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

That's the one I'm using at the moment, OkCupid. Got some interesting quizzes and tests on there to pass the time.

 

[nightcrawler]

I've just signed-up with okcupid after hearing some good things about it. It claims it's a free dating site - is it completely free? Or will it suggest I subscribe (ie pay) once I want to contact someone I like? I've never known of a 100% free dating site (don't know why, considering social network sites are all free )

 

[JamesSmith]

I'm currently using OKCupid and plentyoffish. I can't find very many good-looking women on there. The only good-looking women I found were either too far from my city or didn't respond to me. It seems these dating sites are a "last resort" for the unattractive people that can't get a date.

I do still need to change my picture to a clearer picture, though. The one I have up now is of me running, and I look weird and it's tough to see my face very well.

It's gotten to the point where I'm just considering trying to make friends instead of a g/f by trying to meet an average-looking woman on there. She'll probably get the wrong impression that I like her intimately, but oh well, the worst thing that will happen is I tell her the truth that I just want to be friends and then she gets mad and ends our friendship, and I could live with that.

Who knows, I may even just end up getting in a relationship and get rid of my virginity just for fun with an average looking woman. I'll keep everyone updated on what happens. Right now I'm not doing anything except waiting to see if a woman messages me to show interest in me, which is rare.

 

[userremoved]

I'm signing up for okcupid now. The question "Which one is bigger? The Earth or the Sun?" made my day xD

 

[SM1010]

I'm on both okcupid and plentyoffish. I've been successful on both, been out with around 11-12 women in the past year and 1/2. And I've gotten probably 20 more numbers but never ended up meeting them.

Dating sites can definitely be frustrating though. Even the most successful guys on there get a 50% or less reply rate. You're competing with thousands of guys within a 25 mile radius of you, remember that. Women get flooded with messages, you MUST stand out somehow.

You need good pictures and humorous profile. You need to learn how to write a message and when to ask them out too.

Honestly it's almost like a game and you need to learn it to be successful. It's very worth the frustration for me though because I'm too shy to approach women in person.

 

[this_portrait]

I was on OkCupid and PlentyofFish over the course of about 5 months. During that time, I went on dates with two guys from POF and one from OkC. I'm not a fan of dating sites, for a variety of reasons.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

Well my 1 month subscription is nearly up on eharmony. That was a waste of money. Sent loads of messages, people just generally viewed my profile and then ignored me. So either i'm hideous or my profile is terrible. Problem with the profile is (assuming the latter..hopefully) that if you fill it all out, it looks like you're trying too hard. If you don't, it's boring and looks like you don't care. It's very difficult to actually work out what the hell people want to see there.

Tried that POF one as well, same results except 0 profile views from all the messages. >.>

Oh well.

 

[chr1st1llus1on]

Right now I have been on pof for a few weeks. I had no luck at all so far. I'm looking for a legit relationship, not a sexual encounter or anything.

I've talked to maybe about 6 girls so far in chat through pof and on facebook. It seems like all of them are completely not interested in me what so ever even. I can have a decent conversation online but it seems like I ask 90% of the questions. I talked to this one girl and she seemed to like me and we've been talking for about 3 days but when I asked for her number she ignored me and didn't respond to any of my messages. She then put "consistancy, it gets annoying" on facebook. -.-

Idk if women just find me unattractive and boring or I'm just not good enough.

 

[MercySparx]

I've tried them just out of morbid curiosity. I wouldn't suggest them. When I was in junior high there was a popular social networking site in my city called nexopia, it was our equivilant to myspace. My friends would meet their boyfriends on there. One, that is so un-****ing-romantic and Two, its a little pathetic. I understand the appeal and desire, but I really don't think theres any quality people on there. You also shouldn't meet strangers off the internet. Thats how date-rape happens.

 

[OceanMist]

Right now I have been on pof for a few weeks. I had no luck at all so far. I'm looking for a legit relationship, not a sexual encounter or anything.

I've talked to maybe about 6 girls so far in chat through pof and on facebook. It seems like all of them are completely not interested in me what so ever even. I can have a decent conversation online but it seems like I ask 90% of the questions. I talked to this one girl and she seemed to like me and we've been talking for about 3 days but when I asked for her number she ignored me and didn't respond to any of my messages. She then put "consistancy, it gets annoying" on facebook. -.-

Idk if women just find me unattractive and boring or I'm just not good enough.

It's because they have a thousand other options. It's not you.

In order to get women on dating sites, you have to beat out a thousand other guys who trying to message the same girl. You have to stand out, and you definitely have to keep the conversation very, very interesting to do that.

I'm having the same problem as you. I've had a couple okay conversations with women, but they weren't in my city. One of them stopped talking to me because I ran out of stuff to say. That's always the problem, I don't have enough to say.

I'm considering studying how to have a conversation with women.

I know what you mean about asking 90% of the questions. It's so annoying. Most of them are basically sitting back and making you create the conversation while all they have to do is respond. They want this creative, social superstar who has perfect timing and always has the perfect things to say.

I'm telling you though, it's all about the tons of options they have. Imagine if it was flipped around and you were in their position. You'd probably take your time and pick the one that was the best.

All it takes is one flaw on your profile, or one wrong thing said in a conversation. Or even one thing that's not said. Women are so picky on there because they can be. They don't have to initiate conversations, men are expected to do that, and on top of that, the number of men outweighs women by a ratio of about 2:1. Look up your age group in your area, and count men vs. women. It's usually around 2:1.

 

[MercySparx]

It's because they have a thousand other options. It's not you.

In order to get women on dating sites, you have to beat out a thousand other guys who trying to message the same girl. You have to stand out, and you definitely have to keep the conversation very, very interesting to do that.

I'm having the same problem as you. I've had a couple okay conversations with women, but they weren't in my city. One of them stopped talking to me because I ran out of stuff to say. That's always the problem, I don't have enough to say.

I'm considering studying how to have a conversation with women.

I know what you mean about asking 90% of the questions. It's so annoying. Most of them are basically sitting back and making you create the conversation while all they have to do is respond. They want this creative, social superstar who has perfect timing and always has the perfect things to say.

I'm telling you though, it's all about the tons of options they have. Imagine if it was flipped around and you were in their position. You'd probably take your time and pick the one that was the best.

All it takes is one flaw on your profile, or one wrong thing said in a conversation. Or even one thing that's not said. Women are so picky on there because they can be. They don't have to initiate conversations, men are expected to do that, and on top of that, the number of men outweighs women by a ratio of about 2:1. Look up your age group in your area, and count men vs. women. It's usually around 2:1.

You're studying how to talk to women. LOL you realize you are talking to women right nao? Just talk to them like you would any other person. Its not rocket science. I personally get put off when a guy acts differently towards me. It seems fake and is rather insulting.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I've tried online dating numerous times with some luck (though it never worked out in the end). I told myself over and over that I would never do it again but I ended up joining okcupid and a couple others recently. I deleted my account on the others except okcupid, which I had for a few weeks until I got rid of it for good yesterday. I received a couple messages each day, most of which were from arrogant pricks looking for flings or complete perverted weirdos. What bugged me the most was whenever a decent guy would actually talk to me he would suddenly stop replying after a few hours or days. I don't have the slightest clue what I could have said to make them lose interest. I guess I really am that boring?

Whatever. I had my fun with online dating so I'm done for good now. I'll just let life take its course and hopefully run into a decent guy along the way.

 

[OceanMist]

You're studying how to talk to women. LOL you realize you are talking to women right nao? Just talk to them like you would any other person. Its not rocket science. I personally get put off when a guy acts differently towards me. It seems fake and is rather insulting.

Well, I have trouble talking to women, especially in person. It's not "just rocket science" to many guys on this site such as myself. We often don't know what to say to women.

I'm not sure why you think studying how to talk to women is stupid. In my situation, I'm not getting any women talking to me now, so it's obvious I am going to have to learn how to talk to women, and looking for things to say to women seems to be my only option.

Women aren't like men. They usually don't just walk up to us and hit on us. We have to go up to them and risk embarrassing ourselves. It's not the same as talking to men. Women and men are different. Women tend to have different interests than men.

You make it seem like it's so easy to talk to women. That may be the case for you, but it's not for me. If I was having such an easy time, I'd have women all over me. That's definitely not the case. I'm alone because of my social incompetence. I wish it came natural to me, but it doesn't.

It's kind of belittling how you worded your response to what I said. You make it seem like I'm a stupid person who can't figure out a "simple thing (talking to women)."

Just so you know, I have trouble talking to everyone, men and women. I have no friends because of this.

 

[MercySparx]

Well, I have trouble talking to women, especially in person. It's not "just rocket science" to many guys on this site such as myself. We often don't know what to say to women.

I'm not sure why you think studying how to talk to women is stupid. In my situation, I'm not getting any women talking to me now, so it's obvious I am going to have to learn how to talk to women, and looking for things to say to women seems to be my only option.

Women aren't like men. They usually don't just walk up to us and hit on us. We have to go up to them and risk embarrassing ourselves. It's not the same as talking to men. Women and men are different. Women tend to have different interests than men.

You make it seem like it's so easy to talk to women. That may be the case for you, but it's not for me. If I was having such an easy time, I'd have women all over me. That's definitely not the case. I'm alone because of my social incompetence. I wish it came natural to me, but it doesn't.

It's kind of belittling how you worded your response to what I said. You make it seem like I'm a stupid person who can't figure out a "simple thing (talking to women)."

Just so you know, I have trouble talking to everyone, men and women. I have no friends because of this.

You missed my point completely. What I was saying is that women aren't impressed by tricks, lines, or manipulation. You do talk to a women like you would one of your buddies, to do anything else is offensive and insulting. Women are individual, and have individual interests, if a girl doesn't have the same interests as you, go talk to a girl who does. Also, you should tone down the hyper-sensitivity. What I said wasn't insulting or belittling.

 

[doubleM]

You missed my point completely. What I was saying is that women aren't impressed by tricks, lines, or manipulation. You do talk to a women like you would one of your buddies, to do anything else is offensive and insulting. Women are individual, and have individual interests, if a girl doesn't have the same interests as you, go talk to a girl who does. Also, you should tone down the hyper-sensitivity. What I said wasn't insulting or belittling.

all men really have trouble talking to women. there are differences in men and women, regardless of what feminism tells everybody.

dont be a troll.

 

[MercySparx]

all men really have trouble talking to women. there are differences in men and women, regardless of what feminism tells everybody.

dont be a troll.

Excuse me? Just because you don't understand the point of what I write, doesn't make me a troll. Of course its nerve racking to talk to the opposite sex, it is for everyone, men or women. The best way to go at it is to talk to them like you would anyone else, you know, try to connect with them on a human level? It is insulting when a man trys to emotionally manipulate you with tricks and lines. Any quality girl will see through that ****.

 

[MercySparx]

all men really have trouble talking to women. there are differences in men and women, regardless of what feminism tells everybody.

dont be a troll.

Also, you clearly do not know what feminism is. It is not about the obliteration of gender identity.

 

[doubleM]

Excuse me? Just because you don't understand the point of what I write, doesn't make me a troll. Of course its nerve racking to talk to the opposite sex, it is for everyone, men or women. The best way to go at it is to talk to them like you would anyone else, you know, try to connect with them on a human level? It is insulting when a man trys to emotionally manipulate you with tricks and lines. Any quality girl will see through that ****.

Also, you clearly do not know what feminism is. It is not about the obliteration of gender identity.

its goal is to stamp out gender roles...or at least the role of men in society and the household. its goal is not equality. it has ruined everything.
youre saying that common interest is all that matters. to be honest, i cant find any common interest with women today because 90% of them are too stuck up to talk to me to begin with, when im the one who makes the effort. they want someone with a certain higher social status...that is, with popularity, money, nice clothes, nice car, attractive, alpha male persona, etc...basically prince charming. the dating sites are a prime example of how selective and judgmental they can be.
most of them have synthetic personalities, no individuality, and act like robots. they dont know what they want. i cannot find much common interest with that. granted there are exceptions out there, they are hard to find. ive been trying to find those exceptions for years. its like a needle in a haystack.

of course you will respond by saying that there is something wrong with me, and nothing wrong with them...thats what i usually get.

ive been trying to "connect" with them for years, it hasnt worked. thats why millions of guys who struggle have to learn how to talk to them, what to say, dont say this say that, jump through all these hoops, etc. you cannot make a "connection" without giving off some type of swagger. and for some it works.
i welcome the day when i am liked and accepted because of my interests.

why else are guys who fail in dating always met with, "you are too nice", "youre not masculine enough", "you should dress better", etc. like it or not theres a certain role men have to play here to get respect. its not just about interests.