day in the life of...

[thelostworld]

i was just wondering what other people who have SA lives are like..when you wake up, how do you feel? i feel kind of disappointed and even a little anxious before even leaving the bed to start the day. then i leave and as soon as i step outside i feel the walls of anxiety closing in on me and my face tenses up and i look pissed and scared for the rest of the day. what is the average day for you like??

 

[Horatio]

I have trouble getting to sleep at night cause of my anxiety, so in the morning Im really tired and hit the snooze button on the alarm far too many times. I usually end up skipping breakfast, having a 3 minute shower and racing out the door to get to work on time, I push it but so far I havent actually been late.

 

[arlequin]

I usually don't have problems when I wake up. I prepare to go to work and I think I'm not woken up at all so I can't think of what's waiting for me outside. For me is worse when I go to sleep at night. If something bad has happened to me I can't sleep because I'm all the time thinking about it.

 

[Jackie]

I wake up feeling down, anxious, and lonley. I have alot of friends but I still feel alone because Im never comfortable around people. I talk but think I talk stupid, Im afriad of saying the wrong thing, and think everyone dislikes me. I also look angry all the time and sad. People who I work with ask me all the time, "Are you alright Jackie", and I always say,"Yeah, why do I look sad," but the fact is Im always sad. Im never happy. Only when Im by myself, but even when Im by myself I feel sad too, because I dont like myself. I feel shity everyday. I sometimes feel good when I talk to my counselor or sister because they believe that I can get over this and try to boost my self esteem up. but when there not with me I feel depressed agian.

 

[thelostworld]

You're lucky you have friends, Jackie. I used to have a few best friends but drove them away. I am so hopeless and scared for the future because I have no social skills, no motivation, and no visible personality. People always stare at me because I have a fucked up expression on my face and I can't have a normal conversation with anyone but my parents, and we don't get on that well. i don't know what to do..i'm thinking of just going to live by myself in the forest, that's all I can see as a possible future for me

 

[Chrisfishes]

I've always found runing away the best option. If you are always on the move no one gets a chance to know you. I have been moving around the world for the last 10 years or so. Staying places I felt more comfortable, and leaving when I had had enough. It's easier than you think. I am moving agian in the next month or so, , I don't know how you guys do it in jobs that you hate day after day,

 

[maggie]

Honestly, every single day, I wake up and dread something or somethings that cause me anxiety for that day. The anxiety I feel is really apparent by the look on my face. Anyone else get that?? :? It is this bizarre tightening of my face, uncomfortable expression, and if one more person asks me "what's wrong?", I'm gonna fuckin freak!! :evil: I realize they don't understand how I feel, but it usually makes me feel worse, cause it's obvious how weird I look 8O . Do you know what I mean??

 

[thelostworld]

Yes, Maggie, I know EXACTLY what you mean. It has been many years since I have been able to maintain a relaxed, normal expression on my face. I am 19 and already have lines on my face because I frown all the time, which I can't seem to help. Always looking like a fucked up sad, mad, angry, scared girl just makes my anxiety worse and makes me more self-conscious and draws more attention to me, and when I try to look less worried or sad (by raising my eyebrows and various other muscle movements I have tried to perfect and control over the years, pathetic isn't it?!) I just make it worse. man i hate myself

 

[wutnow]

Always looking like a fucked up sad, mad, angry, scared girl just makes my anxiety worse and makes me more self-conscious and draws more attention to me, and when I try to look less worried or sad (by raising my eyebrows and various other muscle movements I have tried to perfect and control over the years, pathetic isn't it?!) I just make it worse. man i hate myself

Yeah, this is a tough one. I saw someone like this and thought to myself that that was one f%cked-up individual. Then I realized I look the same way. Talk about a drop in hope.

Now, I try to smile and speak immediately after making eye contact or proximity with someone - it immediately breaks the tension and by talking removes the screwed-up, tension mask I usually wear.

I realize asking people with SA to smile and speak first is asking alot, but man, I was getting some hostile looks in return and I didn't want to be misinterpreted as 'disrespecting' someone, which could just get out of control.

Now I smile, whenever I can. I even practice smiling when no one's around. It's just something I have to do.

 

[Fredscars]

depends what i have planned for the day really. if im just staying at home its just..go back to sleep. then ill mope around all day feeling ill. If i have to go out i just get anxious and spend hours getting ready..i have to have my makeup right, my hair has to be perfect and my clothes suitable to give the correct impression and just the right amount of jewelry. If its school then..just usually stress, depending on what work i have to do, and how much homework i havent done.
Then if i have something important, i freak out.

 

[ColdAsIce]

When I go out I just about experience all the regular sp feelings, shaking,jelly legs,red face,shortness of breath ect but mainly I notice I get a constant pressure feeling inside of my head, kind of like someone is squashing my head in a vice which only completely goes once I get back home.

I'm completely obsessed with the way I look from clothes,hair,make-up too. I'm so insecure and paranoid about how I look and who I am, if I think I don't look right I won't go out, if I put on weight you won't see me at all for months!!....

Its easy to try to look like everyone else and 'fit in' with society but if you don't feel you 'fit in'..... basically your fucked.... SP on any level is a shit thing to be about, it gets me down that even when I meet people they can't see past my sp, in the end its all they see.

 

[maggie]

ColdAsIce, I was thinking that same thing today(I do a lot of thinking). Any good qualities I might possess will never be apparent to anyone, cause it's hard to get past my anxious self. :roll:

 

[clairet]

I've always found runing away the best option. If you are always on the move no one gets a chance to know you. I have been moving around the world for the last 10 years or so. Staying places I felt more comfortable, and leaving when I had had enough. It's easier than you think. I am moving agian in the next month or so, , I don't know how you guys do it in jobs that you hate day after day,

I practice the same kind of thing. People think that I am brave, but I am more afraid to stay somewhere and feel uncomfortable constantly. I feel I can relax more if I can say to myself that my situation is only temporary and that I'll be moving on soon.

 

[thelostworld]

man i've had it...today i was driving looking utterly miserable as usual, and this kid in this car i could see turn around and look at me and then turn back (actually i just saw out of the corner of my eye which is even worse)..i am so pathetic. i feel like the elephant man or something, even he had a nicer disposition than me tho. i'm supposed to give a speech tonight but i don't think i'm going. i feel like i'm in hell....does anybody else feel like that?

 

[maggie]

I know what you mean, thelostworld, I feel like that all the time! I feel like I'm in some kind of bubble, that noone will ever know the real me.No matter what positive things I try to focus on, the social anxiety I feel screws up everything!! There are times I feel so pissed off about it, but hide my frustration, as usual, so I feel worse. Many times people think I am going to cry, cause of stupid expression on my face, I hate it! No matter what I do, think good thought, whatever, I can't change dumbass look on my face :evil:

 

[mikeofbodom]

i am stressing sooo much here

 

[maggie]

Hey, mikeofbodom, can you take someone with you, someone you trust?

 

[mikeofbodom]

yeh..my mums coming with me..but that doesn't stop my anxiety at all

 

[maggie]

at least you are brave enough to get some assistance from doctors, government; I'm too chicken for that, just yet, so at least you can feel really good about that. :lol: You are a brave soldier

 

[mikeofbodom]

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