Depressed because you're single?

[fitftw]

If a woman were to ever tell me she loves me or wants to go out with me, I'd simply tell her I'm emotionally unavailable for her and if she is okay with that, we can still hang out and do things and have sex.

 

[JamesSmith]

Waiting for things doesn't get you anywhere..

It does for women.

 

[fitftw]

It does for women.

zing! So true. Women don't have to do **** to get into a relationship. They just wait for the man who tries the hardest and looks the best and has the most money. Yup, I'm bitter. But I don't think I'm far from the truth.

 

[JamesSmith]

zing! So true. Women don't have to do **** to get into a relationship. They just wait for the man who tries the hardest and looks the best and has the most money. Yup, I'm bitter. But I don't think I'm far from the truth.

It doesn't matter whether you are bitter or not. You are speaking the truth, and that's all that matters. What I don't like is when people like us complain about stuff, we get labeled by most other people as bitter and people try to say our complaint isn't valid because we're men.

According to these people that say we are bitter failures, "it's always our fault." They come at us with all these attacks. A popular one is, "You don't have game," or "you don't have confidence." Oh really, I have no game. When have you ever heard someone tell a woman she has no game?

It's because a woman doesn't have to have game.

 

[Minty]

23 and still waiting.

 

[awkwardamanda]

A friend in need, I really think you're missing something important here and I don't think anybody else has pointed this out yet. You think love is this completely evil and awful thing and that nothing good could ever become of it. THAT is not real love. I agree that people often get married for the wrong reasons. This is the so-called love that puts people though hell. People stay in bad relationships all the time and for all sorts of reasons. People let their partners abuse and control them because it makes them feel wanted, they stick around for the sex while the rest of the relationship fails, they chase after money, they don't think they could do any better, they get married because it's expected of them or because time is running out and they want children. People settle. People often claim to love each other or think that they love each other when the reality is that they don't. But I do believe that true love is out there. I just think that it's a rare thing and only a small fraction of people will ever find it. Many don't keep looking long enough or they have too many issues to ever make a relationship work. But some people luck out and find another person they can be happy with. Also, some couples can love each other in the sense that they're mostly happy and care about each other while others need a deep, passionate sort of love. There are many levels and meanings to the word "love," but you seem to be lumping everything together.

I would also like to point out that I get the impression you're forcing yourself to believe what you do. It is normal and natural to be sexually attracted to others and to want love and affection. It is okay to be different and not want those things, but you seem to be unnaturally trying to make yourself believe you want no part of it. If you really, truly do not want love or lust or any of that, then fine. I just get the impression that maybe a part of you still has the same normal urges as everybody else, but you're bitter and angry about that and are trying to convince yourself that it's wrong.

 

[doubleM]

zing! So true. Women don't have to do **** to get into a relationship. They just wait for the man who tries the hardest and looks the best and has the most money. Yup, I'm bitter. But I don't think I'm far from the truth.

It doesn't matter whether you are bitter or not. You are speaking the truth, and that's all that matters. What I don't like is when people like us complain about stuff, we get labeled by most other people as bitter and people try to say our complaint isn't valid because we're men.

According to these people that say we are bitter failures, "it's always our fault." They come at us with all these attacks. A popular one is, "You don't have game," or "you don't have confidence." Oh really, I have no game. When have you ever heard someone tell a woman she has no game?

It's because a woman doesn't have to have game.

yes! yes! finally the truth. women ultimately want security(which entails money). it doesnt matter if the man is an inconsiderate jerk.
anytime i complain about constant rejection people always say oh its your fault, you didnt do enough of this and that...how do i win?

one of the main reasons why i get rejected so much is because i have so little to offer a woman. im in college, have little money, live with my parents, im 30 years old, i own no property, etc. plus i have no game, im not a cocky jerk. so i have virtually no chance.

 

[JamesSmith]

yes! yes! finally the truth. women ultimately want security(which entails money). it doesnt matter if the man is an inconsiderate jerk.
anytime i complain about constant rejection people always say oh its your fault, you didnt do enough of this and that...how do i win?

one of the main reasons why i get rejected so much is because i have so little to offer a woman. im in college, have little money, live with my parents, im 30 years old, i own no property, etc. plus i have no game, im not a cocky jerk. so i have virtually no chance.

Exactly. As a guy, you have to bring way more to the table in order to get a woman. You need social confidence, social personality, money, social status and friends.

All a woman has to do is make herself available.

I'm only 26, and how much I've learned about how shallow women are when it comes to their preference in men has boggled my mind. It's gotten so bad that now I seriously question why I should even bother trying to get a g/f. When almost an entire sex doesn't like shy men because we aren't biologically compatible enough for them, it's sickening. I'm so freaking sick of hearing, "Oh, but he's shy." "Oh, but he's a bum." "Oh, but he's weird." "Oh, but he's a loser." "Oh, but he's a creep."

It's gotten to the point where I'm wondering why even bother torturing myself trying to talk to women if they continue to treat me like this low-status citizen because I'm not socially confident or don't have a good enough job.

Looking back at what I wrote, wow, I guess I am mad. And now that I think about, I have a right to be mad. I'm sick of getting sand kicked in my face just for being a shy male. It's not just women not wanting to get into relationships with me. It's much more than that.

It's the fact that biology and society are so freaking messed up, that gender roles try to exclude shy people completely. My guy friends have no use for me because I can't help them get laid, then women have no use for me because they don't want to date me or talk to me.

I know people with disagree with me, but I don't care anymore. Society is totally set up for shy guys to fail. This is a fact. It's not being negative, it's not being pessimistic. It's observing what has happened throughout my life.

 

[doubleM]

Exactly. As a guy, you have to bring way more to the table in order to get a woman. You need social confidence, social personality, money, social status and friends.

All a woman has to do is make herself available.

I'm only 26, and how much I've learned about how shallow women are when it comes to their preference in men has boggled my mind. It's gotten so bad that now I seriously question why I should even bother trying to get a g/f. When almost an entire sex doesn't like shy men because we aren't biologically compatible enough for them, it's sickening. I'm so freaking sick of hearing, "Oh, but he's shy." "Oh, but he's a bum." "Oh, but he's weird." "Oh, but he's a loser." "Oh, but he's a creep."



Looking back at what I wrote, wow, I guess I am mad. And now that I think about, I have a right to be mad. I'm sick of getting sand kicked in my face just for being a shy male. It's not just women not wanting to get into relationships with me. It's much more than that.

It's the fact that biology and society are so freaking messed up, that gender roles try to exclude shy people completely. My guy friends have no use for me because I can't help them get laid, then women have no use for me because they don't want to date me or talk to me.

I know people with disagree with me, but I don't care anymore. Society is totally set up for shy guys to fail. This is a fact. It's not being negative, it's not being pessimistic. It's observing what has happened throughout my life.

you sound alot like me. this stuff happens to all these nice guys and it drives them to become bitter. then people dont understand it. its like constantly provoking someone, then when they get angry, ask why are they so mad? ive almost been driven into misogyny.
i can understand women wanting to avoid guys who are insecure, are whiners, talks about their ex, are too clingy, give her whatever she wants, are a pushover etc. being insecure and being reserved are two different things. i am none of those things and ive been treated like pure garbage.
people criticize us for being angry. but our anger is justified. i can forgive people but i cant forget.
changing my image doesnt work either. i cant be a jerk because that is not me. i guess ill have to wait for the right person to fall in my lap. its like finding a needle in a haystack.

It's gotten to the point where I'm wondering why even bother torturing myself trying to talk to women if they continue to treat me like this low-status citizen because I'm not socially confident or don't have a good enough job.

this is my current status. i dont even try anymore. the last girl i had a date with blew me off to go out with some other dude.
people think oh dont hate women just because a few have treated you bad. no no no, its not just a few. its more like 100. ive been dating since i was 19 and its always been like this.

but somehow thats all my fault....

i emailed a girl on a dating site yesterday. she was single, no kids, close to my age, college degree, works, lots of great points....no reply. then i thought, look at me what could i possibly have to offer her? i work and go to school, i have a nice car, im a nice intelligent guy, etc. so what is so wrong with me that she cannot even acknowledge my email? the answer is i have no property and no money for her to squeeze....

 

[Mickery]

Are you sure about that? I notice you said you're not of much interest to women, rather than women are of little interest to you.

 

[fitftw]

It's the fact that biology and society are so freaking messed up, that gender roles try to exclude shy people completely. My guy friends have no use for me because I can't help them get laid, then women have no use for me because they don't want to date me or talk to me.

I know people with disagree with me, but I don't care anymore. Society is totally set up for shy guys to fail. This is a fact. It's not being negative, it's not being pessimistic. It's observing what has happened throughout my life.

I totally agree with you. I don't try anymore. I talk to a few girls in my Nutrition class before the teacher arrives (about the class, homework and stuff) but I would never ask any of them to hang out sometime. I just know what it would lead to. Time outside my room, buying crap I don't need to be buying, wasting gas and time I could be spending playing keytar or videogames or doing nothing...etc...what's the point? For what? Sex? A false feeling of love? We die alone. It's just not worth it.

Looking on dating sites I see headlines like "Queen looking for her king" or "Looking for a man, not a boy" etc pictures of women in almost nothing or showing cleavage, making kissy faces, it's all just disgustingly hilarious to me. The whole process. Ugh. Why am I even on a dating site anyway? I guess I get a kick out of it when women message me. Usually we go back and forth once or twice and that's the end of it. As a man, I'm supposed to be persistent, but I'm not.

 

[A friend]

I totally agree with you. I don't try anymore. I talk to a few girls in my Nutrition class before the teacher arrives (about the class, homework and stuff) but I would never ask any of them to hang out sometime. I just know what it would lead to. Time outside my room, buying crap I don't need to be buying, wasting gas and time I could be spending playing keytar or videogames or doing nothing...etc...what's the point? For what? Sex? A false feeling of love? We die alone. It's just not worth it.

Looking on dating sites I see headlines like "Queen looking for her king" or "Looking for a man, not a boy" etc pictures of women in almost nothing or showing cleavage, making kissy faces, it's all just disgustingly hilarious to me. The whole process. Ugh. Why am I even on a dating site anyway? I guess I get a kick out of it when women message me. Usually we go back and forth once or twice and that's the end of it. As a man, I'm supposed to be persistent, but I'm not.

Having a girlfriend/wife does not make you a better person, it's just a status symbol, it's kind of like a thing people use to try to prove that they are better than everyone.

I think that you shouldn't try to find happiness through getting some woman you met off of the internet (or in a bar/resteraunt/park, or whatever).

Maybe the true key to happiness in within ourselves, not from the outside world.

You aren't a bad person for being single, and whether your persistent or not can't determine if you're a man or a boy.

You're a good person, not some alien animal-type creature. Having a soul-mate does not determine who you are.

A friend in need, I really think you're missing something important here.

What do you mean?

I don't think anybody else has pointed this out yet. You think love is this completely evil and awful thing and that nothing good could ever become of it. THAT is not real love.

INCORRECT.

I am trying to be completely honest when I say this: I don't want to argue or be rude at all. (Please don't get mad at me for saying this!)

I don't have factual information (other than me witnessing what I've seen) to support my statement, but I choose to believe that I think love is just an illusion dreamed up by someone in Hollywood in order to create a genre for forms of entertainment.

And after the media's corruption took place, a large prejudice against single people was formed.


This is why we all think that love is "the greatest magical experience that makes everyone happy every single second!"

Please don't get angry for me saying this, but human beings were not meant to have love lives, because that sort of thing does not exist. The only reason why humanity is still here is due to sexual reproduction. Love has nothing to do with it.

I agree that people often get married for the wrong reasons. This is the so-called love that puts people though hell. People stay in bad relationships all the time and for all sorts of reasons. People let their partners abuse and control them because it makes them feel wanted, they stick around for the sex while the rest of the relationship fails, they chase after money, they don't think they could do any better, they get married because it's expected of them or because time is running out and they want children. People settle. People often claim to love each other or think that they love each other when the reality is that they don't.

That just proves that love is some mornic creation made up in Hollywood (or somewhere else). This is one of the main reasons why I promote people being single throughout the course of their entire lives/existance.

But I do believe that true love is out there.

That is a positive way of thinking, but I still strongly disagree with this almost more than I disagree with anything.

I just think that it's a rare thing and only a small fraction of people will ever find it.

How small exactly?

Many don't keep looking long enough or they have too many issues to ever make a relationship work. But some people luck out and find another person they can be happy with.

How many happy relationships have you seen?

Also, some couples can love each other in the sense that they're mostly happy and care about each other while others need a deep, passionate sort of love. There are many levels and meanings to the word "love," but you seem to be lumping everything together.

It's what I believe to be the truth in life.

I would also like to point out that I get the impression you're forcing yourself to believe what you do.

I am?

It is normal and natural to be sexually attracted to others and to want love and affection. It is okay to be different and not want those things, but you seem to be unnaturally trying to make yourself believe you want no part of it. If you really, truly do not want love or lust or any of that, then fine. I just get the impression that maybe a part of you still has the same normal urges as everybody else, but you're bitter and angry about that and are trying to convince yourself that it's wrong.

I choose to believe that people being miserable is wrong. I don't like seeing people being stressed out and unhappy because they were blinded by a cultural illusion.

I wasn't created to be constantly miserable and depressed, and the same goes for everyone else on this forum/internet/good places in the world.

Although I see nothing wrong with the sexual area of relationships between the opposite genders, I still believe that love is wrong because NOTHING good comes out of it, and nothing good will ever come out of it.

 

[JamesSmith]

A friend in need quote:
but I choose to believe that I think love is just an illusion dreamed up by someone in Hollywood in order to create a genre for forms of entertainment.

The idea of love was around way before Hollywood was built.

 

[Mickery]

You know, men also have some specific desires that would seem unfair to the average women. I don't know if that's relevant or not, I just wanted to stop the thread overflowing into actual hatred from one sex to another. Don't let bitterness warp your world view. Everyone suffers for it, including yourself.

 

[JamesSmith]

Don't let bitterness warp your world view. Everyone suffers for it, including yourself.

I know I probably sound like a jerk, but good, I'm glad people are suffering from my bitterness. Now at least they have some idea of the pain I've had to tolerate throughout my life by being an SAD male.

 

[A friend]

A friend in need quote:
but I choose to believe that I think love is just an illusion dreamed up by someone in Hollywood in order to create a genre for forms of entertainment.

The idea of love was around way before Hollywood was built.

So were delusions and insanity (along with lies and false information).

You know, men also have some specific desires that would seem unfair to the average women. I don't know if that's relevant or not, I just wanted to stop the thread overflowing into actual hatred from one sex to another. Don't let bitterness warp your world view. Everyone suffers for it, including yourself.

True, bitterness isn't a good thing. And I have no hatred towards women, my goal was to strip myself of depression and other negative emotions, and I also want to rid other good people of depression as well.

 

[Feathers]

Okay, I think I will have to step in here now.

Actually, I think it's (often) the other way around: single because depressed!! hmph!!

*now deal with it* hehe!!

Many of you guys here (and I admit, me included) seem to have a warped view of love, relationships and the opposite sex.... and often maybe life in general...

Seriously James, if you're so bitter, do you think any rational woman could deal with that??
Sorry to hear about lack of success on dating sites, have you also tried RL clubs or organisations or church/volunteer activities or such?
There are plenty of weird people online and offline, and some nice people too.. Just don't lump everyone into one basket...

Friend, good to hear you're content with being single now - other people may have other opinions and they're perfectly right to have them too...
I hate it if others want 'everyone to get married/settled down' too, but if someone forced me to be single I wouldn't like it either!!

I agree that Hollywood/media can give people wrong impressions about love/relationships/etc. Novels, fairytales and such have been around before that to do the same

And sometimes, heck, a fairytale MAY happen!! I know a few happy couples and they are REAL, they exist!!

Don't pressure yourself that you 'need' to acquire a fairytale to be happy... But don't ban all fairytales either.. Ya get what I'm sayin'?

 

[A friend]

Okay, I think I will have to step in here now.

Actually, I think it's (often) the other way around: single because depressed!! hmph!!

I can't believe I didn't think about that!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I know I probably sound like a jerk, but good, I'm glad people are suffering from my bitterness. Now at least they have some idea of the pain I've had to tolerate throughout my life by being an SAD male.

I really doubt that many people are suffering from your bitterness. I'm certainly not. The fact that you or anyone else so bitter, misogynistic, and generally hate-filled isn't getting laid will not cause me to lose a wink of sleep, I can assure you.

 

[Feathers]

I can't believe I didn't think about that!

Yeah, it's often in the background... Think about it: people (often) naturally get attracted to upbeat, positive, cheerful people... or at least people on their way doing interesting things and being generally polite..

If someone is miserable all the time, saying or showing hurtful remarks or looks (it can be unsaid, sometimes there's just this 'vibe' ya know?) or expecting too much from other people without willing to put in effort... do you think masses will fly to those people (unless the person is awfully good looking, rich and/or great manipulator? And even then, chances are that person will get found out - Arnie is getting divorced too, no? And some other 'rich' and 'goodlooking' people...??)

So, riches and looks ALONE don't necessarily mean 'everything'!!

Believe me, I've met very handsome men (not bad off with money either) who expected the woman to be 'in the kitchen' or such and couldn't run fast enough the other way!!

Nathaniel hehe, as you've written elsewhere, some genuinely nice guys still get opportunities, no?

James, I do sympathize, many girls have had really bad experience with online and RL dating too.. and life in general.. bitterness will mostly just hurt *YOU* and not others...
Have you even ever had experience of any personal grief like illness or loss of a close loved one? You still have arms and legs it seems... Some people out there don't...
There's a guy in a wheelchair and he's happily married - you know why? Because of his ATTITUDE!!!