i hate that you feel so bad. *hugs*
Is there any support groups you could go to to practice social skills? I know since I moved closer to the "action" I am going to seek out some things like that to try. You might meet some like-minded people with similar struggles that would help you feel less alone. Isolation is the worst when you feel down. What about an art class where you could hone in on your creative talents? Artist are usually very welcoming, open-minded and used to being out casts so there wouldn't be all this pressure to fit in with them like other types of people.
What about a place to work a public garden around you? Working outside in the dirt growing things can be so good for your mental well being. I just spend a few mins in my new garden and feel like I took an antidepressant. I know you feel physically ill a lot so take baby steps but do try. What about a 10 min walk a few times a week? I know you love nature so you need to be in it.
Hey you.. thank you for your words!!! <3
Thank you for the ideas and suggestions.. Yeah being isolated for too much time makes me even more nervous around people, it is beneficial to have some socializing.
I guess I don't have enough power to begin anything or participate in anything, and I fear the risk of being a nervous wreck or completely panicking.
I do go for walks, once or twice a day. Except for those days when I can't pull myself together or I can't handle strangers looking at me like I'm a freak.
Right now I think taking any class is out of the question. Maybe I'll be able to do this in the future, but Idk.
I love gardening, I just don't really have anywhere to do that. There is this park nearby where people have little gardens where they plant vegetables and herbs, each person pays a small fee to own/rent their own little square shaped garden. When I first heard of that, I liked the idea, but I just KNOW that I can never ever do that because it involves being around people and contacting people regarding practical things.... and if I was there, I couldn't handle anyone randomly approaching me.
It's not that I haven't tried things and done things in the past - I just feel done and broken after so many times of panicking or feeling like an outsider while being with people, causing me to feel even more depressed. 99% of the times that I've done things, it turned out to be reminders of how I don't function and that I should just avoid doing anything besides the basics (sleeping, eating, etc)
God I'm sorry for being so hopeless and negative
I do love when you suggest things, don't ever stop that, it's good for me to think about possibilitis rather than isolation.
With age, unfortunately, comes experiences and many memories of failures. When I was younger I could more easily do things, hoping it would go better than the last time. Now it's like... I KNOW I can't function.
Right now I can't get cold water from the tap in the kitchen because the cold water knob came off .... At the same time, the tap is dripping like crazy, and so is the showerhead in th bathroom, dripping like crazy. Solution : call the landlord and ask if he would come and fix it. Conclusion : me being too afraid of calling.
Anxiety & avoidant personality disorder in a nutshell.
:kickingmyself: