Do you ever feel like people really hate you

[KiaKaha]

Sorry for the negative thread, I know they are not particularly pleasant but lately I have been feeling really unloved and unlikeable and need to feel like someone can relate or at least acknowledge how I feel.

Anyway, does it ever happen to you? I go to university everyday, and I can see peoples faces visibly drop when they see me,like they really cant stand me, as if I make their skin crawl... and it really upsets me. I try to rationalize and think that their rejection doesnt hold any weight because they dont know me, but it still makes me feel bad, because I feel its unfair. I TRY to be a good person, and treat people with an open mind and common respect but people just dont seem to like me...and its obvious that they dont.

I dont have any friends and I am lonely, and its increasingly frustrating to make an effort with others only to be judged and looked upon with contempt. I dont see the point in trying to be happy if no one wants anything to do with you.

The only place I feel I can be myself is online. I have spoken to a number of SPW members and they are so lovely and friendly, and that makes me feel good, but I am never going to meet them. Why is it so difficult to get along with people when it seems everyone just wants to be left alone? In the real world my existence isnt even acknowledged...let alone approved.

Anyway, once again sorry for my rant. Its not my intention to bring anyone down, but I dont have any other outlet to express how I feel.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

I know what you mean, i get that at work sometimes. I go to say hello to someone.. i'm looking at them and when the eye contact happens they look away, makes me wonder why i even bother.

 

[EscapeArtist]

In that same rut together. Don't feel bad about it, helping others is what this site is for. I've read your posts and you definitely do not seem like the kind of person that can be hated! Are you sure their faces are dropping, are you sure you're not projecting your own feelings of yourself onto their faces? If not, I don't get the world. How do you know you'll never meet another SPW member? And if it's working so well for you on here, do you know if there is a social phobia group of some kind around you? Maybe even a therapy group where you can meet others.

 

[DarkPhoenix]

I see you live in wellington Shykiwi, Palmerston North here

 

[zav943]

I know what you mean, i get that at work sometimes. I go to say hello to someone.. i'm looking at them and when the eye contact happens they look away, makes me wonder why i even bother.

Hey, NZ is a small island, you guys should get together and have a party!

Seriously, though, I fully understand what you're talking about. I've been long-distancing with my friend for a while now and she keeps telling me that she'll introduce me to her friends once I go back, and it will be awesome, etc...I look at her facebook every now and then and see how all her new friends (peope like me) acclimatized with her old friends and...I can't compete with that. I don't know how to tell her: Your old friends will probably hate me and then I might lose you. Please don't introduce me to anyone!

Feeling hated is kind of mood dependent. If you're feeling crappy, you'll likely be in that mindset, and I very often am (and it depresses me). However, when I think back to the last party I've been in (a month ago or so), I found that a lot of people were responsive to me. One (relatively unattractive) girl just completely gave me the shaft by texting the whole time I was talking to her, but this other guy got very excited when I started talking to him. Sure it wasn't a girl, but who cares...he was talking to me!

 

[KiaKaha]

In that same rut together. Don't feel bad about it, helping others is what this site is for. I've read your posts and you definitely do not seem like the kind of person that can be hated! Are you sure their faces are dropping, are you sure you're not projecting your own feelings of yourself onto their faces? If not, I don't get the world. How do you know you'll never meet another SPW member? And if it's working so well for you on here, do you know if there is a social phobia group of some kind around you? Maybe even a therapy group where you can meet others.

Aw, thanks, I knew you guys would cheer me up. I think I have a long way to go with...whatever it is I have. I just wish my feelings and self esteem didnt suffer so much. There is phobia treatment group here in wellington but its super expensive and I cant afford it. I have been to counsellors and psychiatrists but they dont seem to think there is anything wrong with me... I dont think they understand that dealing with a person who is open to listening and trying to help you is different from dealing with a cold, and unfriendly society.

Also, I was wondering...could you elaborate on what you meant by projecting my own feelings of myself onto their faces? (sounds a bit weird the way I say it) There is a potential epiphany there...

 

[Hannes]

I think Escapeartist might have something there ShyKiwi, sometimes we allow our own negative mindsets to determine what we think others are thinking of us. More than likely this is what you are seeing on their faces as it is what your subconscious is telling you to expect.

We all have our own perceptions and very often we will let our subconscious tell us something which in reality is very far from the truth. I find that if I am encountered by what I percieve to be a negative attitude from someone else I just smile at them and normally this smile will be returned. Why not give it a try.

 

[Felgen]

Some authority figures (teachers, employers and so on) hate me once they get to know me.

 

[bluemoonrising]

Yeah to be honest I do get that feeling but I know its all in my head

 

[AnxietyDave]

I feel that for people to "hate" you, they first need to get to know you in order to have something to hate. Very often we allow our own impressions of ourselves to affect the way we perceive others to see us.

Try just ignoring these feelings and see what happens, remember, what we feel inside is what we radiate out to others, very much like a unspoken language or subliminal body language.

Well, that is my opinion anyway, all the best.

 

[Mythos & Logos]

I feel disliked regularly but not hated, that would be a bit of an intense description I think. It's a mixture though because part of me knows people react to what they get so if they see you're tense then they are too but the other half of me just feels like they really don't like me for reasons I can't quite pinpoint

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I tend to assume the default position is that people don't like me, and it usually takes quite a lot to persuade me that they're OK about me. It's not a good mindset to have, I know. ::

 

[fitftw]

I don't think strangers hate me. How could they? I just find it awkward to look at them in the eyes or say anything to them.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Aw, thanks, I knew you guys would cheer me up. I think I have a long way to go with...whatever it is I have. I just wish my feelings and self esteem didnt suffer so much. There is phobia treatment group here in wellington but its super expensive and I cant afford it. I have been to counsellors and psychiatrists but they dont seem to think there is anything wrong with me... I dont think they understand that dealing with a person who is open to listening and trying to help you is different from dealing with a cold, and unfriendly society.

Also, I was wondering...could you elaborate on what you meant by projecting my own feelings of myself onto their faces? (sounds a bit weird the way I say it) There is a potential epiphany there...

Just speaking truth :]. Yeah, it's hard to show our problems to others when the problem is judging ourselves over them. And a lot of us have devised really clever cover personalities that even therapists (the bad ones at least) can't see through. And Hannes pretty much covered any elaboration I would have gone into. I'm sure we all know the definition of projection, but it always helps to be accurate.
"Projection:
The attribution of one's own attitudes, feelings, or desires onto someone or something as a naive or unconscious defense against anxiety or guilt."

 

[Richey]

i think the biggest problem i seem to have in these situations is that people think i'm too serious because i'm not great at joking around and being sarcastic with people i don't know. like at work everyone teases each other and i'm really not great at doing that for example if someone directs sarcasm at me which seems nasty but its just them joking i don't think of a response quick enough so that person assumes i am a "no-fun" serious person to steer clear of. i mean i do react and laugh but then i say nothing if i cant find the words ...where as everyone else can give it just as good back and they have the knack to return fire with a healthy amound of wit ...its my biggest problem i think is coming across as unfun and serious when really i'm not like that at all and i want to be more funny and fun around people. but i find it difficult because i'm so self-conscious irl.

one of the staff asked someone in front of me "are autistic people", people who can't take a joke or can't joke around with others very well?" ...i kept thinking maybe she was refering to me or maybe it was just a random question ...but yeh i get a little paranoid as well.

 

[Jessquietgirl]

I don't think people really hate me unless they say something behind my back.

 

[Richey]

i really don't know but i believe i'm probably not respected at all because of my struggles with obtaining any sort of credible employment in my 20's apart from really low income jobs ..and everyone else my age who is young are in their dream jobs so i can only imagine i'm being judged to be a sort of "loser" in that sense. people tend to tag you as a bit of a no-hoper and can't look after themselves sort of person. but that could easily change because i do have some decent education but its the applying for jobs and getting anywhere that i struggle with ...its a confidence barrier. i read all these job adverts and they want a superhuman with all these skills and while i have some experience i often dont have enough to fit the criterea. i keep telling myself that they'd never hire me over someone better etc. ...

 

[Kiwong]

Yes there are people who definately hate me, because of misunderstandings of my anxiety and have called me names in front of others. My anxiety can make people angry with me and this was one such person.

Then name I was called so effected my health two weeks ago that I couldn't sleep for a week, and was crying all the time. The actions of two people devastated me.

I was not willing to give something I love away, so I let it be known to everyone in that community what I suffered from. I fronted up the next weekend to face the potential for misunderstanding, and being called names.

The fear got really bad and before facing the feared situation I broke down and cried my heart out. However, I faced the situation and lived through and found that the people that really mattered do not hate me. Most people are good people and supportive.

Even though I am not angry about what these two people did to me, I am fearful of ever talking to them again. I never want to feel like that ever again it really damaged my health so much.

 

[SilverFire]

Sorry for the negative thread, I know they are not particularly pleasant but lately I have been feeling really unloved and unlikeable and need to feel like someone can relate or at least acknowledge how I feel.

Anyway, does it ever happen to you? I go to university everyday, and I can see peoples faces visibly drop when they see me,like they really cant stand me, as if I make their skin crawl... and it really upsets me. I try to rationalize and think that their rejection doesnt hold any weight because they dont know me, but it still makes me feel bad, because I feel its unfair. I TRY to be a good person, and treat people with an open mind and common respect but people just dont seem to like me...and its obvious that they dont.

I dont have any friends and I am lonely, and its increasingly frustrating to make an effort with others only to be judged and looked upon with contempt. I dont see the point in trying to be happy if no one wants anything to do with you.

The only place I feel I can be myself is online. I have spoken to a number of SPW members and they are so lovely and friendly, and that makes me feel good, but I am never going to meet them. Why is it so difficult to get along with people when it seems everyone just wants to be left alone? In the real world my existence isnt even acknowledged...let alone approved.

Anyway, once again sorry for my rant. Its not my intention to bring anyone down, but I dont have any other outlet to express how I feel.

Yeah, I understand how you feel 100%. The only thing I can say is that you might be picking up on how they feel alright, but it may not be about YOU. Even if it is about you, they have no right to treat you like that! Send a playful/friendly jab their way. "What's wrong? It looks like you lost your left arm." (Of course, you shouldn't say this if they are one-handed.)

It's a sick cycle that we get into -- if we don't respect ourselves, that kinda radiates outwards and gives other people a license to dislike us, so we feel worse about ourselves, and downwards it goes.

THEY don't define you. OUR value is intrinsic.

 

[Ree_Ree]

I felt that way in school because my classmates use to pick on me, but other than that, I don't think people in general hate me. If anything, they probably think I'm odd or strange, or even boring.

But that's okay, even I think I'm a boring person to people not close to me, which is one reason I do them a favor and stay away.