Don't complain.

[Hellhound]

Before I rant, I want to say that this is not directed to all of you. I'm going to talk about personal experiences after being involved for so long in SA forums. You can now put your pitchforks down.

Despite having a degree of SA, I've grown a pair and approached a number of people in both forums. A lot of people. I've rarely been approached because I've been told I'm intimidating, kinda unapproachable. I've had people telling me that they feared me. Okay, no problem, I can see why they would.

Once I get close to someone, I have a tendency of wanting to be helpful in some way. Seeing posts made me sad at times. I've approached some lonely folks to be a friend to them. Why the heck did I do that? I feel completely stupid for doing so. You wanna know why? Because in the moment I showed a minimum sign of friendliness, I got walked all over. In my stupidity, I've allowed it.

Some have asked me what I'm doing in a SA forum, because they said I don't look like I have any problem at all when talking to people. Perhaps I don't have it as bad now, but I'm still insecure. In my attempt of avoiding conflict, I've become a doormat many times. Surprisingly, the people you so call "normal" have not behaved nearly as bad as the SA people I've encountered. again, NOT generalizing.

I've been a therapist, a counselor, a parent, a sister, a dog, a cat, a punching bag, whatever, you name it. I've found myself in situations like having to explain basic human behavior to a 40 year old. People have ranted to me every single day, but when I needed a friend, they turned their backs on me. I've been insulted for being a girl, hit on, later replaced for some other girl when saying "no". I've been used as a therapist for months, then discarded later when said person got a girlfriend. I've received news from people I have not seen in over a year because they needed relationship advice. Because I never learn, I talked to them, then they were back to disappearing. never heard from them again.

Then the controlling behavior. "Give me attention or else..." This... I can not tell how many times I've gone through this. Suicide threats to worry me sick on purpose, dramatic scenarios to cause stress, daily depression, paranoia... Dare to speak up and you'll regret it, obviously.

Why do you do this to your friends, then complain about being lonely? Somebody makes the effort to get close to you only for you to treat them like disposable garbage. If you're going to act like this, then don't post in the forums crying about how nobody wants to be your friend. Perhaps the others are not completely at fault.

I'm merely venting, but if this thread is too offensive, feel free to remove it. I never intend to hurt anyone.

 

[Remus]

Then the controlling behavior. "Give me attention or else..." This... I can not tell how many times I've gone through this. Suicide threats to worry me sick on purpose, dramatic scenarios to cause stress, daily depression, paranoia... Dare to speak up and you'll regret it, obviously.

Why do you do this to your friends, then complain about being lonely? Somebody makes the effort to get close to you only for you to treat them like disposable garbage. If you're going to act like this, then don't post in the forums crying about how nobody wants to be your friend. Perhaps the others are not completely at fault.

Sounds like passive aggressive behaviour from this person, which is what a genuine friend would not put you through. They need serious help, not your kindness or friendship.

 

[goblin]

I can only say that I know the Internet behavior you're talking about and the dilemma attached to it. Be friendly, and you attract people who want to use you or don't repay kindness. Don't be friendly, and everyone flocks to nicer, warmer, more available people.

 

[SonicMan]

I know people like this in real life. They complain about other people being bad friends, yet they betrayed the potential good friends for these bad friends. It really confuses me why someone would push away a decent friend for toxic people, only to complain afterwards.

 

[Odo]

You would think that after this happening so many times you would be able to recognize the warning signs and not put yourself in these situations in the first place.

Some people need a lot more than you or I or anyone else on this forum can give them... I wouldn't feel too bad about not getting too involved in their issues.

 

[S_Spartan]

It's because most people in the modern world are narcissists. And the internet amplifies the narcissistic tendencies because there are unlimited people to use up and throw away online.

 

[Hellhound]

To the person excessively praising me through PM...Nope, not buying it.

See what I mean? They're lurking in the shadows, stalking their next victim, like wild cats.

 

[goblin]

A few months ago, I joined a new forum. I received a PM from a user with 2 posts, neither of them personal information, an introduction, or in-depth discussion with others - nothing that really showed them participating. They wanted to know what was up. I answered, and asked in return. Their response was simply, "Planning suicide."

I smelled entrapment and stopped responding. A few weeks later they PMed me again asking what's up, as if they forgot they already tried me.

A former friend overseas once repeatedly mentioned how he was being drafted in his country and how horrible the military there is, and something about it just felt off. Information was scarce, but I could find nothing supporting what he was describing to me. Lo and behold, he's still posting long after I just couldn't take his emotional turbulence anymore... months after he was supposed to be sent to hell on Earth with no Internet access or contact with outsiders.

It's so fake, but it's also creepy because nothing is sacred to these people and they have no shame. "Predatory" is a good word for it. The truly sad thing is the damage their behavior causes when it comes to people's willingness to reach out and their trust in acquaintances and friends (admittedly, I fact check all the time). A dose of caution is always good when it comes to what people online are claiming, but it would be nice if we could at least take people at face value when they say they're struggling with suicidal feelings or are in a bad place and scared.

 

[Hellhound]

They don't care because they are empty inside. The best thing to do is to move on, run FAST.

After running from toxic people, I realized they were just... awful. They most likely never cared either. I feel sorry for their next target. I had to see them fishing for victims, victims falling for it. I did nothing, because the victim is not going to listen :/

 

[goblin]

They don't care because they are empty inside. The best thing to do is to move on, run FAST.

After running from toxic people, I realized they were just... awful. They most likely never cared either. I feel sorry for their next target. I had to see them fishing for victims, victims falling for it. I did nothing, because the victim is not going to listen :/

That's how it usually goes. We can only hope they catch on or get tired of it before they lose more than some time and sympathy.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

A few months ago, I joined a new forum. I received a PM from a user with 2 posts, neither of them personal information, an introduction, or in-depth discussion with others - nothing that really showed them participating. They wanted to know what was up. I answered, and asked in return. Their response was simply, "Planning suicide."

I've been messaged by a bunch of people on the mini-chat over the years telling me they want to kill themselves. It's one of the reasons I quit talking to strangers on it entirely.

I never know what's going on.

Maybe they're very depressed, but I can't stop the pain and never know what to say, especially to a stranger.

Maybe they're just feeling kinda bad, but they're young and melodramatic.

Maybe they're completely fishing for attention.

Maybe it's some sort of scam.

I'm certainly no licensed therapist, and I'm often really not up to doing any sort of serious counseling at all.

If that makes me a bad person, I can live with that.

 

[goblin]

I've been messaged by a bunch of people on the mini-chat over the years telling me they want to kill themselves. It's one of the reasons I quit talking to strangers on it entirely.

I never know what's going on.

Maybe they're very depressed, but I can't stop the pain and never know what to say, especially to a stranger.

Maybe they're just feeling kinda bad, but they're young and melodramatic.

Maybe they're completely fishing for attention.

Maybe it's some sort of scam.

I'm certainly no licensed therapist, and I'm often really not up to doing any sort of serious counseling at all.

If that makes me a bad person, I can live with that.

My understanding of suicide, from having lost a friend and a relative to it as well as having thought of it myself, is that suicide is about escape. It's about feeling trapped or bound to something you don't know how to or simply can't deal with. Joining a non-suicide, non-depression forum and seeking out members in private doesn't seem like the action of a trapped person to me. It's true that there's no way to know for sure, though.

 

[Hellhound]

My understanding of suicide, from having lost a friend and a relative to it as well as having thought of it myself, is that suicide is about escape. It's about feeling trapped or bound to something you don't know how to or simply can't deal with. Joining a non-suicide, non-depression forum and seeking out members in private doesn't seem like the action of a trapped person to me. It's true that there's no way to know for sure, though.

Maybe I'll sound horrible for saying this, but I take suicide threats with a grain of salt. Because all the people I've come across made up scenarios on purpose, to stress me up, to demand attention, to make you beg, whatever. All lies. It's not credible anymore.

 

[Remus]

To the person excessively praising me through PM...Nope, not buying it.

See what I mean? They're lurking in the shadows, stalking their next victim, like wild cats.

If you feel harassed, use the report function on the PM ( ! triangle top right). The mods always take this seriously. Those reporting such things also find they are not alone in reporting the same person. If I get two reports from different people, the 'creep' usually gets banned.

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

They don't care because they are empty inside. The best thing to do is to move on, run FAST.

After running from toxic people, I realized they were just... awful. They most likely never cared either. I feel sorry for their next target. I had to see them fishing for victims, victims falling for it. I did nothing, because the victim is not going to listen :/

I'm sorry that you were surrounded by toxic people. I wish I had the right words to say to you but you'll most likely be cautious and hold yourself back which I can understand.

I've been running away from Toxic people myself and I find it very hard to trust many people; especially since I was in a abusive relationship for three years. No it's not you're problem but I can honestly say that I also have been a victim of being around Toxic people and never stood up for myself ever. I only hope that you end up meeting the right kind of people. If not on here, than I hope you end up meeting some in real life. Take care.

 

[jc972]

Before I rant, I want to say that this is not directed to all of you. I'm going to talk about personal experiences after being involved for so long in SA forums. You can now put your pitchforks down.

Despite having a degree of SA, I've grown a pair and approached a number of people in both forums. A lot of people. I've rarely been approached because I've been told I'm intimidating, kinda unapproachable. I've had people telling me that they feared me. Okay, no problem, I can see why they would.

Once I get close to someone, I have a tendency of wanting to be helpful in some way. Seeing posts made me sad at times. I've approached some lonely folks to be a friend to them. Why the heck did I do that? I feel completely stupid for doing so. You wanna know why? Because in the moment I showed a minimum sign of friendliness, I got walked all over. In my stupidity, I've allowed it.

Some have asked me what I'm doing in a SA forum, because they said I don't look like I have any problem at all when talking to people. Perhaps I don't have it as bad now, but I'm still insecure. In my attempt of avoiding conflict, I've become a doormat many times. Surprisingly, the people you so call "normal" have not behaved nearly as bad as the SA people I've encountered. again, NOT generalizing.

I've been a therapist, a counselor, a parent, a sister, a dog, a cat, a punching bag, whatever, you name it. I've found myself in situations like having to explain basic human behavior to a 40 year old. People have ranted to me every single day, but when I needed a friend, they turned their backs on me. I've been insulted for being a girl, hit on, later replaced for some other girl when saying "no". I've been used as a therapist for months, then discarded later when said person got a girlfriend. I've received news from people I have not seen in over a year because they needed relationship advice. Because I never learn, I talked to them, then they were back to disappearing. never heard from them again.

Then the controlling behavior. "Give me attention or else..." This... I can not tell how many times I've gone through this. Suicide threats to worry me sick on purpose, dramatic scenarios to cause stress, daily depression, paranoia... Dare to speak up and you'll regret it, obviously.

Why do you do this to your friends, then complain about being lonely? Somebody makes the effort to get close to you only for you to treat them like disposable garbage. If you're going to act like this, then don't post in the forums crying about how nobody wants to be your friend. Perhaps the others are not completely at fault.

I'm merely venting, but if this thread is too offensive, feel free to remove it. I never intend to hurt anyone.

Good grief, Hellhound, like...really? Seriously? You've always been nice to me when we've talked back and forth, and I appreciate it. I should have said it sooner, I reckon. I'm sorry people have treated you this way. I've learned that when you start feeling like a door mat it's time to confront the problem - always easier said than done! It's sad that people with SA treat others this way.

 

[MikeyC]

I get enjoyment out of helping people, but there have been a couple of people from this forum who have abused my willingness to help and the "friendship" has been a total one-way street.

Hellhound, there's no way to know if people are genuine, but from what you've described, they're likely not and just want to upset someone. Or maybe they are and they're desperate. It's hard to really know for sure, but if it's toxic and you feel you're being used, don't put up with it. Sever ties.

 

[Hellhound]

I get enjoyment out of helping people, but there have been a couple of people from this forum who have abused my willingness to help and the "friendship" has been a total one-way street.

Yep, this is exactly what happened. To be honest, I really don't think they are genuine... it looks to me that they're looking for targets to manipulate. I have no idea why someone would do that.

If you feel harassed, use the report function on the PM ( ! triangle top right). The mods always take this seriously. Those reporting such things also find they are not alone in reporting the same person. If I get two reports from different people, the 'creep' usually gets banned.

:thumbup:

 

[Remus]

:thumbup:

 

[bcsr]