rahulindia
Member
well i just want to share an feeling that i just went through. i just talked to one of my old friends from the college days. after talkin to her i just felt that i am such a child in comparison to most of my peers. they talk about relationships, girlfriends, marrige and i feel so awakward while dicussing these things i feel these are still alien to me and i just cant imagine myself to be in a relationship. i donno what to say but is it a sign of APD. i just cant relate to my peers. i also go through a very peculiar situation whenever i talk to people that i am still a small child and i dont feel like i am an adult. i always feel the need and support of some person while talkin to some elder person. i just cant sustain the conversation and always feel that i wont be able to talk like mature person. i always feel that the person i am talking to will be bored of what i talk about and will turn away. this is why i just dont talk to people. because of this reason also i feel that i cant speak out my mind and argue wid people.
it is very difficult to even form a friendship. i do go out wid some people but its very obligatory and i try to behave in a funny way and try to talk things which are supposed to be talked in an informal situation.
i do all this but its all so much forced and i just would prefer to be all alone.
i will tell u all exactly what i felt in the following situation...
A few days back i chatted on the internet wid one of my old female friend from college. i had not contacted her for almost a year.
we chatted a lot and she gave me her no and i decided to call her up.
i told her i will call her the day after in the evening but i didnt call due to fear of whether i will be able to talk appropriately or not.
then she send me a message online to remind me i had promised to call.
so reading that i just impulsively called her up.
the call lasted for 30 mins in which she talked for most of the time and i just listened to her.
My feelings
Before the call
1. i put a little thought and imagined how the call would go and how would we talk.
2. i imagined that my friend wud be really happy and wud express that. i thought there wud be a lot of humor involved.
my thoughts after the call.
1. highly dissatisfied wid the conversation.
2. i got a feeling that i am just one of her too many friends and talking to me was just a formality.
3. she mentioned about some of the other common friends and told how they were living on thier on and some of them getting engaged and all.
4. at that time i felt really inadequate and inferior to them especially her mentioning about her experiences when she independently handled a situation and she behaved like (in my thinking) an adult.
5. i thought i have never handled a situation where i have actually talked thru a situation like an adult and i just cud not convince other people.
the main reason for this is that i always feel i am at the recieving end of an situation and i just cant.
my common feelings
6. i have lived alone but in all these years i have never put myself in an situation where i never had to talk or negotiate or justify myself. i never talk in the college classes. never try and question proffessors even thought i want to ask them.
7. i dont try to make friends wid people because i feel that i wud not meet up to their level of maturity or intelligence and they wud reject me as an small child and wud not respond to me.
8. i dont know what to do of all these problems i really feel bad.
10. i dont contact people my friends relatives because of this reason that i will sound stupid or immature. i really feel that i wud not be able to talk to them in a manner which is expected of me.
11. i do connect wid someone by garnering some courage after the conversation i feel the person was really bored of what i said and was not at interested in what i said and behaved in an uninterested manner.
because of this i never call up that person again and after i long time when the circumstances i such that i have to call that person i dont call that person because he/she wud be angry for not contacting him/her all this time.
friends i am really sorry if i am boring u all wid my thoughts but this is the only place where i can let out my feelings.
pls help me wid myself ...........
it is very difficult to even form a friendship. i do go out wid some people but its very obligatory and i try to behave in a funny way and try to talk things which are supposed to be talked in an informal situation.
i do all this but its all so much forced and i just would prefer to be all alone.
i will tell u all exactly what i felt in the following situation...
A few days back i chatted on the internet wid one of my old female friend from college. i had not contacted her for almost a year.
we chatted a lot and she gave me her no and i decided to call her up.
i told her i will call her the day after in the evening but i didnt call due to fear of whether i will be able to talk appropriately or not.
then she send me a message online to remind me i had promised to call.
so reading that i just impulsively called her up.
the call lasted for 30 mins in which she talked for most of the time and i just listened to her.
My feelings
Before the call
1. i put a little thought and imagined how the call would go and how would we talk.
2. i imagined that my friend wud be really happy and wud express that. i thought there wud be a lot of humor involved.
my thoughts after the call.
1. highly dissatisfied wid the conversation.
2. i got a feeling that i am just one of her too many friends and talking to me was just a formality.
3. she mentioned about some of the other common friends and told how they were living on thier on and some of them getting engaged and all.
4. at that time i felt really inadequate and inferior to them especially her mentioning about her experiences when she independently handled a situation and she behaved like (in my thinking) an adult.
5. i thought i have never handled a situation where i have actually talked thru a situation like an adult and i just cud not convince other people.
the main reason for this is that i always feel i am at the recieving end of an situation and i just cant.
my common feelings
6. i have lived alone but in all these years i have never put myself in an situation where i never had to talk or negotiate or justify myself. i never talk in the college classes. never try and question proffessors even thought i want to ask them.
7. i dont try to make friends wid people because i feel that i wud not meet up to their level of maturity or intelligence and they wud reject me as an small child and wud not respond to me.
8. i dont know what to do of all these problems i really feel bad.
10. i dont contact people my friends relatives because of this reason that i will sound stupid or immature. i really feel that i wud not be able to talk to them in a manner which is expected of me.
11. i do connect wid someone by garnering some courage after the conversation i feel the person was really bored of what i said and was not at interested in what i said and behaved in an uninterested manner.
because of this i never call up that person again and after i long time when the circumstances i such that i have to call that person i dont call that person because he/she wud be angry for not contacting him/her all this time.
friends i am really sorry if i am boring u all wid my thoughts but this is the only place where i can let out my feelings.
pls help me wid myself ...........
