Has shyness ever made you turn down a woman who wanted you?

[Anxiety_Tom]

It's such an awful thing to lose a girl because of low self confidence, and it happened to me.

I regret it now alot of the time, because I could have been with the girl of my dreams.

I broke it off and made a dumb ass excuse just because I was just way too shy deep down and had zero self confidence.

Sucks.

 

[theraydawg]

dude, tell her your shy. Trust me. I know what your thinking. That if u tell her something like that she'll just leave you for another guy with more "confidence". But only if she's a stuck up bitch. If she's a good person, she'll totally understand and will probably start liking you even more. Girls like it when you open up to them. Just open up a little, tell her about your true self. Don't try to act like someone your not. If your shy that's the way you are. If u try to be someone else it's just gonna be really awkward for you. See, girls just want you to be yourself when your around them. Trust me. It'll work.

 

[Overtheunder]

Man this thread hits home completely. I've been having this same problem for a long time. Right now I'm in a similar situation with this girl. She's real cute and has told her friend to hook us up. Its like I'm not afraid of being denied, its more of being afraid of what happens when she realizes I'm as inexperienced and nervous as I am. Its a freakin stupid way to be.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I have very extreme anxiety around anyone I'm attracted to. They never have any idea, so it's not really an issue (other than to me). There was only one person that it was an issue with & that really freaked me out. The situation was kinda different, though. This person was attracted to me, not the other way around as usual. There have been others who've been attracted to me, & I've been asked out a lot, but they were all guys, so my anxiety was never affected by it the same way (just the typical omg someone's-talking-to-me type anxiety). I'm a girl & so are the people I'm attracted to, & that person was also a girl.

My SA is very severe & I'm never around anyone really, other than my mom. I'm 26 & I've never even been on a date because it ; I just can't function well enough around people for that to happen. I didn't even know her... at all. She was a cashier at a local grocery store. I know it's not right to assume, but I just knew she was a lesbian when I met her, I could just "tell". From the first time I met her, she kept saying & doing things like complimenting my looks, clothes, etc., touching me (not in a sexual way) that made me think "hmmmm". Things that cashiers don't do. I thought she was probably just a super-nice-way-friendly person, but things kept happening & I realized she either liked, or was at least flirting, with me.

Even if I hadn't had SA, I wouldn't have been into her, I know, but when I realized it, I became a nervous wreck. (Even more of one than usual). Because of my anxiety around her, I hated going to that store, but it was the only one around & I have no transportation, so I had no choice. I tried to avoid her, but it sometimes wasn't possible. Every time she talked to me (which was a lot) , my face would turn red, I couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to pass out..... When I'd try to talk back my voice would shake & I would blank-out & say something stupid & feel like an idiot afterwards. I sort-of wish I'd been able to talk to her because, even though I wasn't into her at all, at least I would have had the chance to go out with someone. Even just once.

 

[newbie]

some amazing stories here, real intersting
i am into this girl and she is into me even after a few years of me not seeing her, i must of hit on her well but once i had this sa problem to this day ihaven't asked her out

 

[lonley]

I am pretty much screwed with this problem.
With all my pocket money and my savings i got a gift for her and tried my best to give it but ended up the gift still in my pocket. IT SUCKS!

 

[TooShyShy]

What kind of assurance or words would you need from a girl to KNOW she wanted you, an inturn you would be able to ask her out or at least let her know you like her???

 

[Felgen]

After I learned more about non-verbal clues, I realized that I've unintentionally turned down a lot of beautifull girls.

 

[getbornagain]

My insecurity has made me pass up dozens of fine women. I just can't relax during intimate moments and I have lived my whole life with the attitude that I can't satisfy her so I shouldn't even pursue her. It's a damn shame too because there have been so many opportunities.

 

[macmouse]

There was this one time where I was out with some friends at a bar, hanging out. Then there was this one girl one of them knew from before, and invited her over to join our conversation. As the normal banter continued, she started taking her leg and rubbing my legs with it! At first, I thought it was just an accident, so I switched positions to give her some more room - but she went back at it a few minutes later! The conversation become really interesting, so I was engrossed in it and forgot about what she was doing and let her continue (I think I even played back a little bit). However, as soon as the conversation ended and people got to split up for a minute (bathroom, get more drinks) I realized what was going on and I got all nervous.

I then literally asked her what she was doing, and she said it was "just an accident". Part of it was thinking "there is no way this cute girl could be interested in me" and not accepting that even as a possibility. It was also something that has never happened to me before so I wasn't entirely sure what it meant or what I should do in response. I mean, I guessed it meant she liked me, but I didn't have any other "proof" to back it up or stories where something like this had happened. So anyway, a few minutes later she started back up again, and I asked /again/ "no really - I can tell this is isn't a accident - what are you doing?" and she started to get sad, and was all "what? you don't like me? etc" and I tried to say I just wanted clarification, but it was too late and her own insecurities got ahold of her and that was the end of that...

I later asked my friends what she did meant, and they yelled at me for being so stupid and missing one of the most overt things a girl can do to you. Sigh...

To be honest, I think that even if a girl walked right up to me and directly asked if I wanted to have sex or something really blatant like that, I'm not sure if that would be enough to convince me that they are really interested in me

 

[TooShyShy]

I have to ask..

Haven't you ever gotten so tired of NOT having what you want that you just put yourself out there and go for it..especially with someone you know???

Isn't it easier with someone you know who likes you or you have a friendship with???

I can't imagine living this way without ever trying to see what could be.

I am so discouraged about my shyguy at work, maybe there just isn't any chance he will be able to handle it. **sigh**

 

[stardog]

To be honest, I think that even if a girl walked right up to me and directly asked if I wanted to have sex or something really blatant like that, I'm not sure if that would be enough to convince me that they are really interested in me

Haha. I'd laugh...

I think there's a girl at my new job who did like me, but I think being very shy, unconfident and quiet, and getting really drunk at the xmas party has probably put her off for good... like I put on this persona of being 'cool' for a while but now it's obvious I'm just abit socially inept, that's why I'm quiet

 

[TooShyShy]

If she likes you she will work through you being socially inept as you call it

 

[bleach]

I have to ask..

Haven't you ever gotten so tired of NOT having what you want that you just put yourself out there and go for it..especially with someone you know???

Isn't it easier with someone you know who likes you or you have a friendship with???

I can't imagine living this way without ever trying to see what could be.

I am so discouraged about my shyguy at work, maybe there just isn't any chance he will be able to handle it. **sigh**

Maybe this is just one of those gender differences that i will never understand, but I find it about 100x more difficult to risk rejection with a friend or even someone I fancy and don't know very well. I can only try with women that I have no feelings towards, because I don't care what the answer will be.

 

[TooShyShy]

I agree with that...you always care more when its someone you already care for or have an attraction to, you have invested feelings in. It matters what they will think and inturn it makes it all the more difficult to handle.

I notice my shyguy is VERY self conscious around me, where around others he says what ever he wants and doesn't seem to care what they think or say.

 

[TooShyShy]

CURIOUS TO HEAR MORE STORIES!!!! THE CIRCUMSTANCES BEHIND THE DECISION TO SAY NO, EVEN THOUGH YOU WANTED DESPERATELY TO SAY YES...THE WHERE'S AND WHY'S...HOW OLD YOU WERE???

THANKS AND SORRY FOR THE CAPS

 

[Havocan]

Count me in. It happened last fall and she contacted me on a website, telling me that I looked cute and nice to talk to. We chatted online for some hours then decided to meet after 2-3 days. First date went fine and the second, but then when she came to my flat and spent a Saturday evening there I felt everything changed.

I don't know what it was or why, but she saw that I hadn't done the dishes for a long time, commented on it {my APD immediately made me feel embarrassed and very inferior to her}. Because of the furnace malfunctioning the food were supposed to prepare didn't turn out as it was supposed to be and then after the dinner when we were supposed to watch a movie something with the sound didn't work the way it should and we had to subtitle the movie because we couldn't hear what they were saying. She left after that and there I sat, feeling like the biggest douche in the universe, since I'm EXTREMELY sensitive to critics from girls this just was as being hanged or falling down a bottomless abyss.

From the very beginning she didn't say or write much about herself but rather focused on me. It took me some hours on- and offline to tell her as much as I felt the need to, but when I was done talking about myself I wanted to change into her or about general subjects, but that seemed impossible. To me she was acting like a wall - an echo, only repeating what I said and she seemed very uninteresting in me. Especially after that horrible night at my flat I thought she saw me as nothing but a wimp and a {dirty?} child. All the way I knew it would get to a point where she'd discover my negative sides and I therefore was anxious from the very beginning, procrastinating and not flirtatious at all. After that night I sort of "stopped wanting her" and rather focused on slowly killing all emotions and hopes us inbetween.

I've told her about my SA and about the nervousity in front of girls, but she doesn't seem to understand it completely and does very occasionally chat with me on MSN but she's very boring and talks about general and shallow stuff, it is as if she's slowly lost interest too. The conversations always end up very awkward and she mostly logs off without even telling me.

So my reasons for saying no or "rejecting" her was that I knew she'd become disappointed with me because of her perceptions of males {she asked me what to do on our second date, I said I didn't know and she told me that I who was a male had to know, "because that's what males do"}. Also I didn't want to fight for someone whom I believed saw me as inferior to her and as nothing but a useless wimp. In fact I believe she does pity me for all from my behaviour to my practical actions {not doing the dishes, cleaning etc}. The worst part is when she a night told me on MSN that she thought I was a good guy, I just know she's feigning that opinion to be nice -___- .

What a horrible, horrible time it has been. And it's still not over.

Sorry for all the mess, it's very late night at the time of posting and I need to go to bed^^.

 

[TooShyShy]

Its true you definitly DO NOT want to be with someone you feel thinks you are inferior or treats you that way, if thats how she truly felt???

And... i would have cleaned up a bit knowing someone was coming over...lol! Especially me, i am a neat freak..i am hardest on myself though..not others. My place is tidy most of the time. But then again i live alone so no one here to mess it up when i am at work

Thanks for the story..you don't sound love shy in the sense you could socialize, conversate, date, etc. most love shy men can not do either with women so you are not in a bad way at all.



Just don't give up.

 

[Havocan]

I don't think I'm love shy, but I'm still feeling uncomfortable in the presence of girls, it's just that I believe that sooner or later "everything will be fine". When that doesn't happen I withdraw and kind of "close myself". It's just so humiliating having a girl commenting on what I do, whether it's good or bad^^.

What can one do overcome this?

 

[TooShyShy]

You have to become confident in YOURSELF and have a i don't give an "F" attitude or else you will never get out of the viscious cycle. If you don't think you are intersting, fun, good looking, etc. no girl ever will.

And most of the negative thoughts come from how you interpret people and what you assume they feel about you..its probably not anything close to the truth. Its your view on women, yourself and life, it really has nothing to do with girls themselves.

Get out of your own head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give women a chance. There may be one out there that really liked you but bcuz of what you tell yourself and inturn acted towards her..she never went for it.

Women do get scared off as well and start doubting themselves.


WE ARE HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope this helped.