Have you ever been in love?

[VioletTears]

I just realized that I might be about the only one here that is married?

My DH asked me out when we were 16. Learning to love and to allow myself to be loved was really hard for me and after 10 years it still is... at the same time, the idea of him leaving me has always haunted me to the point of total paranoia... He could have beat me and I would have stayed with him because anything was better than being left/not being loved.

I still have a lot of self destructive thoughts, such as, "I bet he wishes he wasn't stuck with me his whole life" or "I bet he would rather be with that girl who is prettier/more fun/etc than me" or "I am not good enough for him and he knows it and so does everyone else" et etc etc... Sometimes those thoughts can blind me to the point that I don't know if I love him or not, everything just hurts... But there are other times, even after years of being together, where I feel like my heart is going to explode just thinking about him because I love him so much. I think that for some people (like me) love is just really complicated...

I also have a lot of trouble communicating with my DH, still... I hold back a lot of my feelings from him and if he does something that upsets me I just internalize my frustration rather than saying anything to him...

 

[rainstreet]

I grew up believing I was a useless piece of crap. Eventually, I discovered that most people feel the same way about themselves to some extent. They are waiting for someone else to make the first move. What you said about being attracted to those who aren't your type makes sense. We don't like ourselves, so why would we be attracted to someone like us?

 

[iamthenra]

Nope... I honestly have never been in love, and honestly nobody has ever been in love with me either. Was beat as a child, grew up thinking I was a horrible piece of %#@%.... who didn't deserve anything good in life. Low self esteem, depression SA, etc... Same as most I am sure. As it is right now I have always thought of myself as a waste of water. I don't see anything good in me, so why should anyone else.

I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague and we are the cure.

 

[rainstreet]

I just realized that I might be about the only one here that is married?

My DH asked me out when we were 16. Learning to love and to allow myself to be loved was really hard for me and after 10 years it still is... at the same time, the idea of him leaving me has always haunted me to the point of total paranoia... He could have beat me and I would have stayed with him because anything was better than being left/not being loved.

I still have a lot of self destructive thoughts, such as, "I bet he wishes he wasn't stuck with me his whole life" or "I bet he would rather be with that girl who is prettier/more fun/etc than me" or "I am not good enough for him and he knows it and so does everyone else" et etc etc... Sometimes those thoughts can blind me to the point that I don't know if I love him or not, everything just hurts... But there are other times, even after years of being together, where I feel like my heart is going to explode just thinking about him because I love him so much. I think that for some people (like me) love is just really complicated...

I also have a lot of trouble communicating with my DH, still... I hold back a lot of my feelings from him and if he does something that upsets me I just internalize my frustration rather than saying anything to him...

no, you're not the only married person here. I've spend most of my life being married to someone. I guess I love the feeling of being in love. When I met someone I really liked I married them instead of "living in sin". This comes from growing up with religious addiction. I've been married 4 times cause I'm terrified of being alone. Emotional abuse is a terrible thing but being beaten must be worse. I can't imagine what it must be like for a woman to live with physical abuse. I understand feeling that anything is better than not having someone. I don't share things with my wife at times because it's easier to avoid the arguing. After awhile, you learn how much to share and how much to hide.

 

[redski]

I think I have been in love just once in my life.
I never got to find out though as it didn't lead to anything so I am not really sure.

I have heard others say that they have been in relationships and believed to
be in love just to look back at it years later when married to someone
else that they in fact were not in love back then.

So I would think it is not an easy question to answer.

 

[Pink_Paula]

I've been in love twice in my life, i thought i was in love once but i was just kind of in need more than love. I'd love to be in love again it's such a nice feeling hehe

 

[EgoZero]

never ever

 

[lyricalliaisons]

Though it's embarrassing, I'd have to say no. I've never been around anyone for any length of time or been in the position to actually be in love with someone. I only get "crushes," which are usually on people on tv & only occasionally on actual people.

 

[bony666]

i have been in love, & thought it was reciprocal, but i recently found out it was not
soo i actually never had any true love relationships in my life

 

[Pookah]

I've been in like/crush. Only in love with non-living things. Music/movies/books/animation.

 

[AGR]

Only once...

 

[lurknomore]

I think I can honestly say never... although I was married. I think I was more in love with the idea of love, and the attention I was getting, rather than with my ex-husband. We didn't know each other well enough, and had too many issues on both sides I think to really understand real love (depression/SA for me+depression/bipolar for him= low-self esteem all around). I'm not saying that love can't happen in spite of these issues, but it does cloud it and make it harder to really know for sure.

 

[Noca]

I don't think so. If I ever said I did, it was a delusion most likely.

 

[rurushu]

Not really. There have been a few crushes here and there, but nothing that lasted more than a few weeks. I guess I haven't really had a chance to fall in love...

 

[phobiadictates]

who cares if i had been in love or not

 

[Damaged]

Yeah, im in love right now. My bf and i went on a break a week and half ago cos we needed it, hes also on holiday till next sat. But tonight he text me telling me he missed and loved me and that he was so proud of me cos im getting better.
I felt a huge rush of love and happiness. All the worry that we might break up when he gets back has gone

 

[da_illest101]

yea quite alot, but i'm a classic case of, i'm only goes for those who has no interest in me, i have no interest in those that have some for me or she will date me but she has a bf