Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Same here. A lot on ma mind, lately. Not to mention, Christmas was pure sh!te - dysfunctional family, but what dae ye expect...?! :idontknow:
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Same here. A lot on ma mind, lately. Not to mention, Christmas was pure sh!te - dysfunctional family, but what dae ye expect...?! :idontknow:
KiaKaha
Banned
The people at my job don't really like me - nor are they particularly warming up to me. I am making them feel uncomfortable with my presence. No one is really talking to me and it is very obvious their discomfort they have toward me.
and it's bringing me down.... making me feel stupid, awkward and unlikeable.
I would rather just be unemployed.
and it's bringing me down.... making me feel stupid, awkward and unlikeable.
I would rather just be unemployed.
Starry
Well-known member
I'm sorry, Kia. 
_______
I have a severe tension headache. I got very worked up last night about something which keeps bothering me but I seem to be unable to do anything about... The stress caused the tension headache and caused me to self-harm. I did fight it for well over an hour before I gave in, but oh well...
The good thing about self-harming is that the effect is almost instant... After a second or so the area I've injured starts to feel warm and I can feel my pulse throbbing in the area, as this happens calm washes over me and I actually breathe a sigh of relief. Then I tend to just go emotionally numb for a few hours... The bad thing is the injury, of course... Which is sore for days after.
_______
I have a severe tension headache.
I got very worked up last night about something which keeps bothering me but I seem to be unable to do anything about... The stress caused the tension headache and caused me to self-harm. I did fight it for well over an hour before I gave in, but oh well... The good thing about self-harming is that the effect is almost instant... After a second or so the area I've injured starts to feel warm and I can feel my pulse throbbing in the area, as this happens calm washes over me and I actually breathe a sigh of relief. Then I tend to just go emotionally numb for a few hours... The bad thing is the injury, of course... Which is sore for days after.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
I have a severe tension headache.
The good thing about self-harming is that the effect is almost instant... After a second or so the area I've injured starts to feel warm and I can feel my pulse throbbing in the area, as this happens calm washes over me and I actually breathe a sigh of relief. Then I tend to just go emotionally numb for a few hours... The bad thing is the injury, of course... Which is sore for days after.
Ouch. Sorry Starry.
Sigh, you're just too sessy for all dem. Do you step outside of your comfort zone a bit?
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Meh, the threads are practically the same. I sometimes forget which one I'm reading :
:
coyote
Well-known member
yes. yes, i am.
I've been there. Or at least I've felt like I've been there. I've always quit and ended up regretting it. I hope things start to turn around at work for you. You are too good of a person for them not to like you. We all love you! :thumbup:
MikeyC
Well-known member
I'm sorry, man. Hopefully things will pick up.
Opaline
1
Me too! :sad:
Opaline
1
LadyWench
Well-known member
Pretty terrible. After my mom was released from the hospital (and a rehabilitation hospital for physical therapy) after having a stroke, my sister insisted that she stay with her. I was never given a direct reason for this, but my mom is extremely passive and will do whatever my sister says. My sister has always been very self-centered and spoiled and of course my mother plays into it. My husband and I have been struggling a lot financially because my mom is no longer staying here (nor is she working). The only income we have is my husband's. I'm not working, I'm pretty much a parasite. I had my disability hearing earlier this month, but won't know the judge's decision for quite some time. Our water bill came in the mail today and we are scheduled to be shut off tomorrow. My mom offered to pay it, but then claimed she didn't have a way to town to go pay it. When I asked if my sister could take her, she came up with excuses. I got the impression that she changed her mind or something. So, I just said f*ck it and she said I wasn't appreciative.
Anyway. During all of this, on Christmas Eve, my sister and I had a huge fight. I was browsing around on Facebook and noticed that her best friend (who has been "taking care of" my mom since she's been staying with my sister) posted a status about me and my husband. She was talking a lot of crap, saying that we take advantage of my mother and that we're the most selfish people she's ever met and that we need to learn how to pay our bills instead of wasting our money on junk. I was FUMING. Just thinking about it is making me angry. None of the sh*t she said was true. I've never taken advantage of my mother, that's always been my sister's job. This cross-eyed b*tch knows nothing about my family or my financial situations. She has three kids by three different men (how she managed to get at least three different guys to sleep with her, I'll never know) and gets about $500 a month in food stamps. She isn't working and receives welfare, and she has the nerve to say that we waste our money and can't pay our bills? UGH. I receive food stamps, but don't even get half of what she gets.
After I saw the status, I called my sister up and told her I had seen it. I said "if you guys are talking sh*t about us behind our backs and if this is how you truly feel, then we're not coming over for Christmas and you guys can all go f*ck off." My sister said in a sarcastic tone "okay!" and I hung up on her. I called my mom later to talk to her and of course my sister told her everything that happened, only she twisted the story to make it seem like I just randomly called her up to tell her to go f*ck herself. She's always the victim. My mom has been basically siding with my sister and her friend since then. I saw her for not even five minutes on Christmas Day. She came by to drop off a couple gifts (while my husband and I gave her about 7-8 just for her) and left. My sister was waiting outside for her, so she had to hurry up. That was the first time in my life I didn't spend Christmas with my mother, and it seemed like she wanted it that way.
I'm rambling. I don't expect anyone to actually read this. I'm just venting and I appreciate it if anyone does read this. I don't know what to do. We won't have any water after tomorrow and we have no money to turn it back on. Local places that usually help people with utilities are unable to help us. My husband doesn't get paid until next month and most of his check is going to the damn truck payment and insurance (he barely gets about $500 a check). I set up an account on Gofundme.com. While I am very grateful to the two people that donated and can't thank them enough, we are still desperate. We need to move out of my mom's house and find an apartment, but we live in a small town and can't find anything right now. We also have pets, which makes it even more difficult since most places don't accept pets (and I refuse to go anywhere without my babies).
During my last session with my therapist, she pretty much told me that me going there is pointless since I'm such a negative person and "can't change the way I think". What the hell? Uh, if I were mentally healthy/stable, I wouldn't need to go there in the first place, you dingbat!
Anyway. During all of this, on Christmas Eve, my sister and I had a huge fight. I was browsing around on Facebook and noticed that her best friend (who has been "taking care of" my mom since she's been staying with my sister) posted a status about me and my husband. She was talking a lot of crap, saying that we take advantage of my mother and that we're the most selfish people she's ever met and that we need to learn how to pay our bills instead of wasting our money on junk. I was FUMING. Just thinking about it is making me angry. None of the sh*t she said was true. I've never taken advantage of my mother, that's always been my sister's job. This cross-eyed b*tch knows nothing about my family or my financial situations. She has three kids by three different men (how she managed to get at least three different guys to sleep with her, I'll never know) and gets about $500 a month in food stamps. She isn't working and receives welfare, and she has the nerve to say that we waste our money and can't pay our bills? UGH. I receive food stamps, but don't even get half of what she gets.
After I saw the status, I called my sister up and told her I had seen it. I said "if you guys are talking sh*t about us behind our backs and if this is how you truly feel, then we're not coming over for Christmas and you guys can all go f*ck off." My sister said in a sarcastic tone "okay!" and I hung up on her. I called my mom later to talk to her and of course my sister told her everything that happened, only she twisted the story to make it seem like I just randomly called her up to tell her to go f*ck herself. She's always the victim. My mom has been basically siding with my sister and her friend since then. I saw her for not even five minutes on Christmas Day. She came by to drop off a couple gifts (while my husband and I gave her about 7-8 just for her) and left. My sister was waiting outside for her, so she had to hurry up. That was the first time in my life I didn't spend Christmas with my mother, and it seemed like she wanted it that way.
I'm rambling. I don't expect anyone to actually read this. I'm just venting and I appreciate it if anyone does read this. I don't know what to do. We won't have any water after tomorrow and we have no money to turn it back on. Local places that usually help people with utilities are unable to help us. My husband doesn't get paid until next month and most of his check is going to the damn truck payment and insurance (he barely gets about $500 a check). I set up an account on Gofundme.com. While I am very grateful to the two people that donated and can't thank them enough, we are still desperate. We need to move out of my mom's house and find an apartment, but we live in a small town and can't find anything right now. We also have pets, which makes it even more difficult since most places don't accept pets (and I refuse to go anywhere without my babies).
During my last session with my therapist, she pretty much told me that me going there is pointless since I'm such a negative person and "can't change the way I think". What the hell? Uh, if I were mentally healthy/stable, I wouldn't need to go there in the first place, you dingbat!
MikeyC
Well-known member
I read it. You are in a really tough situation. :
:From what I've read, you should now forget about your sister. You have bigger fish to fry with your financial woes and disability. She seems to be nothing more than a burden and very emotionally unsupportive. While she is family, she can't be dealt with right now.
Your mum seems to have taken your sister's side, and if she has, then that's basically one less person to worry about. I know that's harsh, but you've got bigger problems for the time being.
You said you have your mum 7-8 presents just for her. Why did you buy so many if you're struggling with money? One or two would've sufficed.
I've never heard of gofundme.com. I would like to throw some dollars at you if possible. Not many, but some.
KiaKaha
Banned
Yes. I remember you saying something similar quite sometime ago. I am glad someone knows how it feels. It is a really awful feeling walking into work and feeling like no one really likes you - or thinks that you are weird. I wish I could relax and feel comfortable around people.... I know that when I let my personality out people generally like me.... instead I am stifled, easily embarrassed, awkward and quiet.... it's really quite awful.
It's quite funny, but the older I get I am finding myself that younger people - in late teens, early twenties are the ones who I feel are judging me the worst - older people seem to be a bit more relaxed. I have only been there about 4 months. They give me the crappiest/easiest jobs because no one has any confidence in me.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Pretty pissed off tae be honest.
My sister callled me a "selfish effin' prick" the other day. I didn't respond though, just remained passive as per usual. It's better not to show any emotion on ma part. Not that it's bothers me anymore. I mean, I've called myself worse things. But then, I'm past caring about ma older siblings, really. I just tolerate them at best. Since that all I can do! Of course, got tae keep 'em happy because that's ma job, innit?! Keep the bints happy, while am miserable as f**k! Ha! After me gettin' everybody the effin' Christmas presents they actually wanted and askin' for f**k all in return! Ya ungrateful bunch o' c*%ts!
Selfish, me? How?! Because I don't talk tae ma siblings - or ma family - much? Because every Christmas Day fur the last 7 or so years - despite my misgivings - I've forced myself doon thae bloody stairs, ate ma dinner at table wi' the family, said next tae sweet f**k all (except the odd, borderline incoherent, mumbled response), then f**ked off back tae ma bedroom. Now, I know this might come as a shockin' revelation here but... Ah don't talk much anyway! Sorry! I know that's "wrong" fur some effin' reason! And even when I do open ma gob tae speak, naebody seems tae take any notice or interest. Or they usually laugh. Aye, because everything I say is just a joke (even when am being serious). Ma life is just a never-ending stand-up comedy routine with the setups removed (coupled with the movie Groundhog Day)
But then ma older sister always seem to want to humilate me. Or do jokes at ma expense to make me angry, because provoking me tae the where am f*%kin' raging is so funny. Especially jokes about ma appearance - those are a right laugh when yer deeply insecure and self-conscious about yer apperance. The best ones always start with: You look like a... insert post-9/11 Middle-Eastern stereotype here... with that beard! Oh, that's brilliant so it is! Ha-bloody-ha! Huv'nae heard that yin, repeatedly, fur the last 11 years! Great use o' political satire there ya racist fanny! It's always funny until someone gets hurt - then it's hysterical. :ironicsmile: I know what yer thinkin'... Oh that's awful, Graeme. Ye shouldnae joke about stuff like that! :no:
(Why are you reading the stuff I put in brackets, anyway? It's not even relevant, just time wasting) :sarcastic:
Anyway, ma twisted, sarcastic, deadpan sense of humour aside for a moment. And gettin' back tae ma original point of this rant...
Maybe I did take ma cousin's advice to literally, when I was 14 (ie. "Keep yerself tae yerself, that way ye stay outta trouble") - but then tae me, I just thought o' that as being sensable, ye know? Ye cannae start argument without opening yer mouth first. But, what dae they expect fae me? Eh?! We've little, if anything, in common anymore - apart fae a effin' biological link tae our mother! I mean, what dae they want me tae say? Obviously what they want tae hear, clearly. Since me being honest wi' them about what I really think would be the verbal equivalent of being punched in the face - which gives you an idea o' how brutally honest I tended tae be.
Dae ye see why I rarely, noo? Awright enough o' me havering on! That's me, I'm done! Rant over and done with! And, if ye can be arsed tae actually read this rambling, scatterbrained rant written part in Scottish dialect, then I've just wasted yer time - I say that only half jokingly.
My sister callled me a "selfish effin' prick" the other day. I didn't respond though, just remained passive as per usual. It's better not to show any emotion on ma part. Not that it's bothers me anymore. I mean, I've called myself worse things. But then, I'm past caring about ma older siblings, really. I just tolerate them at best. Since that all I can do! Of course, got tae keep 'em happy because that's ma job, innit?! Keep the bints happy, while am miserable as f**k! Ha! After me gettin' everybody the effin' Christmas presents they actually wanted and askin' for f**k all in return! Ya ungrateful bunch o' c*%ts!
Selfish, me? How?! Because I don't talk tae ma siblings - or ma family - much? Because every Christmas Day fur the last 7 or so years - despite my misgivings - I've forced myself doon thae bloody stairs, ate ma dinner at table wi' the family, said next tae sweet f**k all (except the odd, borderline incoherent, mumbled response), then f**ked off back tae ma bedroom. Now, I know this might come as a shockin' revelation here but... Ah don't talk much anyway! Sorry! I know that's "wrong" fur some effin' reason! And even when I do open ma gob tae speak, naebody seems tae take any notice or interest. Or they usually laugh. Aye, because everything I say is just a joke (even when am being serious). Ma life is just a never-ending stand-up comedy routine with the setups removed (coupled with the movie Groundhog Day)
But then ma older sister always seem to want to humilate me. Or do jokes at ma expense to make me angry, because provoking me tae the where am f*%kin' raging is so funny. Especially jokes about ma appearance - those are a right laugh when yer deeply insecure and self-conscious about yer apperance. The best ones always start with: You look like a... insert post-9/11 Middle-Eastern stereotype here... with that beard! Oh, that's brilliant so it is! Ha-bloody-ha! Huv'nae heard that yin, repeatedly, fur the last 11 years! Great use o' political satire there ya racist fanny! It's always funny until someone gets hurt - then it's hysterical. :ironicsmile: I know what yer thinkin'... Oh that's awful, Graeme. Ye shouldnae joke about stuff like that! :no:
(Why are you reading the stuff I put in brackets, anyway? It's not even relevant, just time wasting) :sarcastic:
Anyway, ma twisted, sarcastic, deadpan sense of humour aside for a moment. And gettin' back tae ma original point of this rant...
Maybe I did take ma cousin's advice to literally, when I was 14 (ie. "Keep yerself tae yerself, that way ye stay outta trouble") - but then tae me, I just thought o' that as being sensable, ye know? Ye cannae start argument without opening yer mouth first. But, what dae they expect fae me? Eh?! We've little, if anything, in common anymore - apart fae a effin' biological link tae our mother! I mean, what dae they want me tae say? Obviously what they want tae hear, clearly. Since me being honest wi' them about what I really think would be the verbal equivalent of being punched in the face - which gives you an idea o' how brutally honest I tended tae be.
Dae ye see why I rarely, noo? Awright enough o' me havering on! That's me, I'm done! Rant over and done with! And, if ye can be arsed tae actually read this rambling, scatterbrained rant written part in Scottish dialect, then I've just wasted yer time - I say that only half jokingly.
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LadyWench
Well-known member
I read it. You are in a really tough situation. :
From what I've read, you should now forget about your sister. You have bigger fish to fry with your financial woes and disability. She seems to be nothing more than a burden and very emotionally unsupportive. While she is family, she can't be dealt with right now.
Your mum seems to have taken your sister's side, and if she has, then that's basically one less person to worry about. I know that's harsh, but you've got bigger problems for the time being.
You said you have your mum 7-8 presents just for her. Why did you buy so many if you're struggling with money? One or two would've sufficed.
I've never heard of gofundme.com. I would like to throw some dollars at you if possible. Not many, but some.
Thank you for not only reading my post, but for responding and offering support. I do agree with what you said. My sister is incredibly self-centered and will always think highly of herself. Though, I do not understand why. We are two completely different people - polar opposites. It's amazing that we grew up in the same home with the same mother.
As far as getting my mother so many gifts, they weren't expensive at all. Most of them were bought at the local dollar store, to be honest. That's all we could afford. Still, I know what she likes (such as certain perfume and such), so I did my best to get her nice things. There was no thought put into her gifts for us and that hurt more than anything. It isn't the lack of gifts that bothered me, of course, it was just the fact that she couldn't be arsed. It was an obligation, I imagine.
I really appreciate your offer to help us out with a few dollars, but I couldn't ask you to do that! Though, it is very kind and generous of you.
this_portrait
Well-known member
Depressed. Internally kicking myself. Feeling like I'm slowly failing at being a responsible adult. I wish I could get off my ass and get some renovating done around here to take my mind off how sh*tty I feel, but I don't even have the motivation to do that.
MikeyC
Well-known member
You may have grown up in the same house, but you're still two different people. My brother and I grew up in the same house with the same problems, but he's a confident go-getter, and I'm...not.Thank you for not only reading my post, but for responding and offering support. I do agree with what you said. My sister is incredibly self-centered and will always think highly of herself. Though, I do not understand why. We are two completely different people - polar opposites. It's amazing that we grew up in the same home with the same mother.
As far as getting my mother so many gifts, they weren't expensive at all. Most of them were bought at the local dollar store, to be honest. That's all we could afford. Still, I know what she likes (such as certain perfume and such), so I did my best to get her nice things. There was no thought put into her gifts for us and that hurt more than anything. It isn't the lack of gifts that bothered me, of course, it was just the fact that she couldn't be arsed. It was an obligation, I imagine.
I really appreciate your offer to help us out with a few dollars, but I couldn't ask you to do that! Though, it is very kind and generous of you.
Ah, that makes more sense. Would've been tough on the budget if you got her iPads and expensive electronics. That sucks that it seemed like an obligation to her. :
: Sounds like you had a bad Christmas.If you change your mind, PM me the link and I'll see what I can do.