How are you feeling?

[Opaline]

I have got to get to the doctor. It's been over a week now that this head/neck pressure has been bothering me, combined with waking up exhausted after 9 hours of sleep and feeling detached from reality all day.

I've looked it up online and there are plenty of other people who have these symptoms, but the troubling thing is most of them say nothing has helped them and that their doctors can't figure it out. It could be allergies, anxiety, stress, or even the Esptein-Barr virus, apparently :/

Alright, I know that many separate health issues have overlapping symptoms, and usually the person's condition is probably not the worst possible one. Still, it's unsettling and it's really bothering me. I hope it goes away soon...

 

[coyote]

please remind me next year, on July 24th, that celebrating National Tequila Day has its consequences

 

[Srijita52]

Yeah things really hit the fan tonight, and unfortunately it means i move back into my mother's place which is a huge blow to me and means i have to work extra hard to get myself better. I know things will get better, it just hurts real bad right now.

I'm really sorry, I hope it all passes soon. *hugs*.

You definitely arent worthless!
Whining is better than bottling things up, at least you're letting it out.

I agree on both counts. I hope you feel better Sri.

Thanks guys. I'm feeling better now. There're a lot of things I need to work on though.

 

[Trishanku]

I just feel like I want to scream really really reall loud.. like sing a song at the top of my voice or something. But if anyone hears it ill b dead! now where can i do that?

 

[springk]

Okay. This is going to be depressing. But there is no other place where i can say all this. Its PMS i guess when my harmones take a really bad turn. Everyday is very depressing..why? Because i am without any means to pass my time. Its not that i cannot have any hobby or activity but i dont know what has happened to me. I always feel empty!!

It feels like there is hole or something inside that is eating me up. I NEVER FEEL PEACEFUL OR ANY JOY.It feels i am dead inside.

I can see how i am like this. Past has been ruined due to ocd. I struggled so many years [ seven or eight] to just survive. Live through the horrible/ terrible thoughts.

Then i lost any hope of having a career. I will not have a career that i know. However i could still have been happy..if only i had one person whom i love so much.
I lost her forever. She is no more with me on this earth. I dont know where she has gone. I dont know if i will meet her when i die.
Science has no answer . Religion has no answer.
I look up at sky. Universe. nature anyone who will hear. This pain is too much. I have no interest in this life.
No friends. No one who can really see what i am going through.

Today was such a sad day. I cant do suicide but its so hard to delude myself/ to tell myself that i can find joy/ peace/ love.
I cried and cried..but can anyone really see! can anyone help!
It is pointless to post all this.
What will happen.
I will not get any better.

I will also add..No i dont have a therapist. No i dont know about any helpline. All i have is me who can save me.
This must have turn out an epic but i really need to get it out.

I wont delude myself ..its just that i still cannot give up.

 

[neardeath]

Okay. This is going to be depressing. But there is no other place where i can say all this. Its PMS i guess when my harmones take a really bad turn. Everyday is very depressing..why? Because i am without any means to pass my time. Its not that i cannot have any hobby or activity but i dont know what has happened to me. I always feel empty!!

It feels like there is hole or something inside that is eating me up. I NEVER FEEL PEACEFUL OR ANY JOY.It feels i am dead inside.

I can see how i am like this. Past has been ruined due to ocd. I struggled so many years [ seven or eight] to just survive. Live through the horrible/ terrible thoughts.

Then i lost any hope of having a career. I will not have a career that i know. However i could still have been happy..if only i had one person whom i love so much.
I lost her forever. She is no more with me on this earth. I dont know where she has gone. I dont know if i will meet her when i die.
Science has no answer . Religion has no answer.
I look up at sky. Universe. nature anyone who will hear. This pain is too much. I have no interest in this life.
No friends. No one who can really see what i am going through.

Today was such a sad day. I cant do suicide but its so hard to delude myself/ to tell myself that i can find joy/ peace/ love.
I cried and cried..but can anyone really see! can anyone help!
It is pointless to post all this.
What will happen.
I will not get any better.

I will also add..No i dont have a therapist. No i dont know about any helpline. All i have is me who can save me.
This must have turn out an epic but i really need to get it out.

I wont delude myself ..its just that i still cannot give up.

I don't know who you lost, but I lost my partner 5 years ago. I still can't get over it. She was the best. No replacing her. I know. The specks of joy are short-lived now. It's a huge loss. We just have to be good to ourselves.

 

[jaim38]

Feeling a bit disturbed with my behavior today. I went to my local tax office to renew a license plate but once i saw there's a huge line of people, I felt intimidated. I called my dad to ask whether I could do renew it online and he said ok. So I told my mom to not wait in line anymore and just go! I felt so relieved once I got out of there, but then my mom did something embarassing. She began checking the wheels on the car for any nails. I heard some guy said "stupid stupid" so I just stood there looking embarassed.

Afterwards we went to the library where I thought about renewing my card and paying my 40 cents fine. My inner voice was telling me "don't go there" but I wasn't able to come up with a reason not to so we just went. I should have listened to my inner voice because when we got there, I realized that the library opens at 1 PM today, and it's only 11 AM then. We were too early. We saw some people camping outside. When I walked towards the library door, I saw one guy came up to me and said "Hi". I immediately froze, not literally but I could feel my heart freezing over. I think it's a defense mechanism that I developed. I also said "Hi" to him and waved, but my face was emotionless, neutral. I didn't smile, I just couldn't force myself to. Then he said something which I couldn't discern but I just pretend to nod and say "ok" as if I understood. I really didn't know what he said at that time.

Anyways, I walked to the front door and saw the library was closed. So, I headed back towards the car and on the way, I saw a lady yelling, "When is it open?" Again, my heart froze. I couldn't open my mouth at all. I didn't respond to her question. I just kept gazing at my car. Thankfully, the guy I spoke to earlier answered her question so I didn't have to.

Then we tried to find Long John Silver in the area but saw that many branches had closed. My brother has specifically requested freshly fried fish (not frozen). We couldn't find a Long John Silver so we had to go to McDonald's and order some fish o filet sandwiches for him. We went to the drive thru. I yelled into the intercom. I could barely hear that other person talking at the other end of the intercom, but I did hear him call me "stupid", maybe because I was yelling and repeating myself several times. I feel kind of hurt. When we drove up to pay, again my heart froze and I put on an icy, emotionless expression. I could see the 2 guys who took my order were smiling and laughing, and I thought they must hae been laughing at me. I just don't feel like smiling at them. So I just gave them the money, took the change, and left.

 

[myheartisastone]

angry, upset, suicidal

 

[jaim38]

Afterwards we went to the library where I thought about renewing my card and paying my 40 cents fine. My inner voice was telling me "don't go there" but I wasn't able to come up with a reason not to so we just went. I should have listened to my inner voice because when we got there, I realized that the library opens at 1 PM today, and it's only 11 AM then. We were too early. We saw some people camping outside. When I walked towards the library door, I saw one guy came up to me and said "Hi". I immediately froze, not literally but I could feel my heart freezing over. I think it's a defense mechanism that I developed. I also said "Hi" to him and waved, but my face was emotionless, neutral. I didn't smile, I just couldn't force myself to. Then he said something which I couldn't discern but I just pretend to nod and say "ok" as if I understood. I really didn't know what he said at that time.

Anyways, I walked to the front door and saw the library was closed. So, I headed back towards the car and on the way, I saw a lady yelling, "When is it open?" Again, my heart froze. I couldn't open my mouth at all. I didn't respond to her question. I just kept gazing at my car. Thankfully, the guy I spoke to earlier answered her question so I didn't have to.

After further reflection, I think I know why I acted the way I did. When that guy waved and talked to me, he was near me and did so in a normal tone of voice. I am more comfortable talking in a normal tone of voice so I responded to him ok. But when that lady from far away yelled a question at me, I actually hesitated and didn't know what to do. I don't like yelling at the top of my voice from this far. I'm a very quiet person. I have come to associate yelling with intimidation and fear. So when people yell at me, I notice that I don't respond with yelling. I either walk closer to that person then say something, or not respond at all. Yelling also draws attention to myself, which I try to avoid.

I think I have a fear of people yelling, shouting, or screaming at me. I associate yelling/shouting/screaming with anger, unhappiness, and authority. When I was small, my parents or relatives would yell at me and I would cry. I can't believe I am this sensitive, because I see other people being yelled at but they don't cry.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm a mixed bundle of feelings today. I feel relieved this is my last week of my online history course before I'm done for a year. The coolness of the weather this week has put me in a pretty good mood too. (Finally no more stupid heat!) The fact I still have homework though makes me annoyed. My brother and his girlfriend have been here since Monday and not once have I gotten to hang out with them. Her family has been hogging them this week, and it's kind of really annoying me. Even they are getting sick of being around them, but they can't do a single thing about it. I hope I can at least get one day with them before they leave on Tuesday.

Today my mom was trying to make plans with our newish family members to just go out and do something. As much as I like hanging out with this younger cousin of mine, I'm getting nervous over this whole thing. I don't know why. I like hanging out with them, they're quiet and introverted like me, but I guess I'm afraid that whatever we plan to do it's going to be boring and they're going to end up hating us, or hating me for being a boring person. Stupid anxiety just needs to leave me alone.

I'm also having a fat day. I've changed my clothes three times this morning because nothing feels comfortable and I just feel disgusting. I have settled for a tank top and hoodie. I suppose this will work.

 

[Opaline]

Okay now I'm really freaked out. When I nearly fainted yesterday I hadn't even considered the fact that I was sitting down at the time, which is even more worrisome. Sometimes it can happen to people when they suddenly stand up or have been standing for a long time or something - it's usually harmless in that case, although you should still get it checked it. But I was sitting down reading a book, feeling fine when it happened... I'm nervous.

Also forgot to mention the headache I had before the near-fainting spell disappeared after the ordeal. Maybe it's migraine-related? That would be a relief to know and it's possible. I get lots of migraines and they can be a cause of passing out.

 

[JuiceB]

Defeated..

 

[Opaline]

Okay. This is going to be depressing. But there is no other place where i can say all this. Its PMS i guess when my harmones take a really bad turn. Everyday is very depressing..why? Because i am without any means to pass my time. Its not that i cannot have any hobby or activity but i dont know what has happened to me. I always feel empty!!

It feels like there is hole or something inside that is eating me up. I NEVER FEEL PEACEFUL OR ANY JOY.It feels i am dead inside.

I can see how i am like this. Past has been ruined due to ocd. I struggled so many years [ seven or eight] to just survive. Live through the horrible/ terrible thoughts.

Then i lost any hope of having a career. I will not have a career that i know. However i could still have been happy..if only i had one person whom i love so much.
I lost her forever. She is no more with me on this earth. I dont know where she has gone. I dont know if i will meet her when i die.
Science has no answer . Religion has no answer.
I look up at sky. Universe. nature anyone who will hear. This pain is too much. I have no interest in this life.
No friends. No one who can really see what i am going through.

Today was such a sad day. I cant do suicide but its so hard to delude myself/ to tell myself that i can find joy/ peace/ love.
I cried and cried..but can anyone really see! can anyone help!
It is pointless to post all this.
What will happen.
I will not get any better.

I will also add..No i dont have a therapist. No i dont know about any helpline. All i have is me who can save me.
This must have turn out an epic but i really need to get it out.

I wont delude myself ..its just that i still cannot give up.

:sad:

I probably won't make you feel any better, but I do understand how you feel. Been there myself many times. I can't say it will get better because I don't know that, I don't have the power to see into the future. But I do really think you should try to find a therapist. Do you exercise more than your everyday activities? Eat well? I know this is the usual stuff but sometimes it can make a big difference in how you're feeling.

 

[BlueDays]

tired of life.:sad:

 

[hidwell]

tired of life.:sad:

Sorry to hear that Blue.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm lost and confused. This facing my fears thing is really hard, specially when it comes to my social fears.

 

[neardeath]

Suddenly gripped with anxiety making chest tight. There will be four of us in my one-bedroom apartment for the next couple nights.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm lost and confused. This facing my fears thing is really hard, specially when it comes to my social fears.

^ Facing your fears is always hard. If it wasn't, then we wouldn't really have fears then would we? Hang in there, Srijita. I think it's good your taking the time to face the things that make you most uncomfortable. You can do it! :thumbup:

 

[springk]

I just realized i m not so dumb , its just that i am so much negative, living in past, ruminating, wishing to change past, that i dont realize my worth / potential. If only this education system would allow me to change my course , i would make good use of my brain , rather than learning what is the date of some nonsensical event i could focus on something concrete like science. I so wish to study science ..but its too late.
I do not want to remain stuck in the clerical job that doesnt allow you to think..that is the present option and i so hate it.

 

[Nanita]

I feel good. I just spend 2 weeks in the capital city, staying alone in my friends apartment. I got so much drawing and writing done, probably because I didn´t bring my computer so I didn´t have that distraction.
Maybe now I should try to use the computer for only one hour everyday. Yeah right, as if I would ever be able to do that.

And while I was away, I realized I do have friends after all.