zharl
Well-known member
I'm sorry. I really am. We guys have it so easy in comparison. :/
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
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I'm sorry. I really am. We guys have it so easy in comparison. :/
defiance
Well-known member
I hate life sooooooooo much. When I wake up in the mornings, I am immediately filled with sadness, thoughts of death, anxiety and it's always the same thing. Who in their right minds wants to look forward to that every morning? The only form of hope left in me these days is that maybe tonight I can go to sleep and not wake up. That's about it. :crying:
worrywort
Well-known member
Just went to a family party. For about 30 mins before hand I psyched myself up, thought of all the things I could say, and told myself to try to stay positive, and I really hoped it would go well. I felt optimistic.
But I ended up feeling a profound sense of loneliness. It didn't go as I hoped. Almost immediately I could feel it. The thought of walking into a room with certain other people; my two sisters and their boyfriends; my mum and stepdad talking to my brother; I could foresee the awkwardness, the feeling that the strength of our relationship was being tested, with every silence or stupid remark distancing us further from each other. And then the yearning began swirling in the pit of my stomach. Everybody is chatting about superficial things and smiling and having fun, while I'm feeling this profound sense of melancholy, and deep inside I'm crying out for someone to notice. To just say, "Hey Bob, are you ok?" and I could say "no", and they'd say "What's wrong?" with genuine concern on their face, and we'd go to a quiet room and they'd say "go ahead, what's on your mind?", and I could tell them how I feel this melancholy feeling. How I feel it often and have done for most of my life. I could tell them how I've been worrying about my lack of social connection. I could tell them about how I've been worrying about Dad, he's been getting depressed lately and his work is way too hard for a 61 year old. And maybe they wouldn't have the answers, but they'd give me a hug and I'd know that at least they care and are willing to give me 5 minutes to share my struggles once in a while.
But that never happened, because I stayed silent and my family aren't mind readers and plus we're not really like that as a family. We don't go super deep. In fact, I don't think most of my family like to get into heavy stuff. I don't think most people in general like getting too heavy. But I do. I actually like the heavy stuff. I feel at home amongst the heavy stuff. I need it.
the weird thing is, now that I'm home, in my bedroom, on my computer, I'm feeling better already, and almost back to my normal self. What is that about?!
But I ended up feeling a profound sense of loneliness. It didn't go as I hoped. Almost immediately I could feel it. The thought of walking into a room with certain other people; my two sisters and their boyfriends; my mum and stepdad talking to my brother; I could foresee the awkwardness, the feeling that the strength of our relationship was being tested, with every silence or stupid remark distancing us further from each other. And then the yearning began swirling in the pit of my stomach. Everybody is chatting about superficial things and smiling and having fun, while I'm feeling this profound sense of melancholy, and deep inside I'm crying out for someone to notice. To just say, "Hey Bob, are you ok?" and I could say "no", and they'd say "What's wrong?" with genuine concern on their face, and we'd go to a quiet room and they'd say "go ahead, what's on your mind?", and I could tell them how I feel this melancholy feeling. How I feel it often and have done for most of my life. I could tell them how I've been worrying about my lack of social connection. I could tell them about how I've been worrying about Dad, he's been getting depressed lately and his work is way too hard for a 61 year old. And maybe they wouldn't have the answers, but they'd give me a hug and I'd know that at least they care and are willing to give me 5 minutes to share my struggles once in a while.
But that never happened, because I stayed silent and my family aren't mind readers and plus we're not really like that as a family. We don't go super deep. In fact, I don't think most of my family like to get into heavy stuff. I don't think most people in general like getting too heavy. But I do. I actually like the heavy stuff. I feel at home amongst the heavy stuff. I need it.
the weird thing is, now that I'm home, in my bedroom, on my computer, I'm feeling better already, and almost back to my normal self. What is that about?!
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
You're alone, there. Ah feel the same way whenever I go out to a concert.
My family huv never been like this, either. Though, they've never been ones for discussing problems, openly. At least with me, anyway.
Sounds like you're more at ease on yer own than around people. I'm the same in that regard as well, very introverted and private. Prefer to keep to myself than draw too much attention to masel'.
GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Same old story: trapped in my apartment; running out of food, cash, and clean clothes; no hope of escape anytime soon. Can't go to the stores, can't shop online. Anxiety, fear, and self-loathing mounting rapidly. How does this keep happening? Why am I such a disgusting pile of shit?
I am so freaking exhausted. I cannot fuction like this. This insomnia is absolutely ridiculous. One day of no sleep is okay, but when I'm running off of 3 days without any sleep it's just so hard to even function. I want sleep more than anything 
. This is the worst bout of insomnia I've ever had, and I've had trouble sleeping my whole life. Adjdcvhsjkchsjfhvjfk I'm tired x(.
. This is the worst bout of insomnia I've ever had, and I've had trouble sleeping my whole life. Adjdcvhsjkchsjfhvjfk I'm tired x(.
zharl
Well-known member
I am so freaking exhausted. I cannot fuction like this. This insomnia is absolutely ridiculous. One day of no sleep is okay, but when I'm running off of 3 days without any sleep it's just so hard to even function. I want sleep more than anything
I'm curious. What kind of treatments are generally prescribed for insomnia?
Kiwong
Well-known member
I'm feeling upbeat. The way I feel so often depends on the people I surround myself with. I saw a few familiar faces out on my run and we exchanged pleasantries. I'm like a sponge and I soak up the vibe of people, if its negative I become fearful, angry anxious, if it positive my attitude reflects that.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
I am so freaking exhausted. I cannot fuction like this. This insomnia is absolutely ridiculous. One day of no sleep is okay, but when I'm running off of 3 days without any sleep it's just so hard to even function. I want sleep more than anything
This reminds me of many years ago when I was working as a night janitor and having terrible bouts of insomnia. By the third night I would be at work and having no idea what I was even doing even though none of the work was hard but I didn't even feel like I was there. I was like a zombie just going through the motions. I have no idea how I drove to and from work either but I always made it. Thank God it was at night when there was little traffic.
All these years later I still don't sleep good but if I miss a night I usually crash pretty hard the next night.
sfsdfdsgfsgsgfdsd
There are a lot of different things. I've already tried 3 different medications just in the past two weeks at firs I was prescribed the antidepressants mirtazapine and then Cymbalta. Wow those were awful for me. I had horrible side effects and my insomnia got even worse, was having tremors, muscle twitches, and non stop shaking. They both made me feel like I drank 10 cups of coffee and upped my anxiety even though they were supposedly suppose to make me drowsy... Now they gave me gabapentin, I hope that works but I think I need to have the dose increaed for more effect. I'm now blacklisted from anything that has 'potential for abuse' so that limits my options a little bit. It's kind of annoying, but whatever. I just wish that sleep came easy for me.
There are a lot of different things. I've already tried 3 different medications just in the past two weeks at firs I was prescribed the antidepressants mirtazapine and then Cymbalta. Wow those were awful for me. I had horrible side effects and my insomnia got even worse, was having tremors, muscle twitches, and non stop shaking. They both made me feel like I drank 10 cups of coffee and upped my anxiety even though they were supposedly suppose to make me drowsy... Now they gave me gabapentin, I hope that works but I think I need to have the dose increaed for more effect. I'm now blacklisted from anything that has 'potential for abuse' so that limits my options a little bit. It's kind of annoying, but whatever. I just wish that sleep came easy for me.
zharl
Well-known member
planemo
Well-known member
Re: sfsdfdsgfsgsgfdsd
It may not be what we want to hear but the reason this keeps happening is because we see ourselves as disgusting piles of sh%&. I've been exactly where you are, and in many ways our situation of being trapped in a place with no escape is actually a window into our minds. Only when you feel better about yourself, and actually see good in yourself, and when your mind lets go of the shackles of self loathing, will you see it reflected in your surroundings. Remember, your opinion of yourself shapes the world around you. Best of luck. I hope you can find a way out of this.
The problem I find with psychiatric drugs is that they're prescribed to treat the symptom of depression and anxiety, but without any real clue as to what is actually giving rise to these symptoms. In medical science not everyone who has a headache or cough can be treated in the same way. It depends on what is actually the cause. A person could have a headache from stress, a cold or a brain tumor. You can't treat it all with aspirin. Since mental health professionals seem rather indifferent as to the actual root of what's worrying us, perhaps you should try to understand what's causing your mind to become so vigilant and your body so tense that you find it hard to sleep. I hope you can find an answer.
It may not be what we want to hear but the reason this keeps happening is because we see ourselves as disgusting piles of sh%&. I've been exactly where you are, and in many ways our situation of being trapped in a place with no escape is actually a window into our minds. Only when you feel better about yourself, and actually see good in yourself, and when your mind lets go of the shackles of self loathing, will you see it reflected in your surroundings. Remember, your opinion of yourself shapes the world around you. Best of luck. I hope you can find a way out of this.
The problem I find with psychiatric drugs is that they're prescribed to treat the symptom of depression and anxiety, but without any real clue as to what is actually giving rise to these symptoms. In medical science not everyone who has a headache or cough can be treated in the same way. It depends on what is actually the cause. A person could have a headache from stress, a cold or a brain tumor. You can't treat it all with aspirin. Since mental health professionals seem rather indifferent as to the actual root of what's worrying us, perhaps you should try to understand what's causing your mind to become so vigilant and your body so tense that you find it hard to sleep. I hope you can find an answer.
Louco
Well-known member
Re: sfsdfdsgfsgsgfdsd
This is how I am normally, I wonder what would happen if I tried those...
This is how I am normally, I wonder what would happen if I tried those...
Louco
Well-known member
I feel tired, bored, defeated, doomed to suffer for life and doing something I'm ashamed of, even if there's no reason to, even if I went out today after a month rotting at home and did everything I had to do, and even if things are actually looking better for a change...
defiance
Well-known member
The movie groundhogs day is a good metaphor for my life. Especially the part where Bill's character starts killing himself over and over to try and escape that nightmare. Mentally that is what happens to me just about everyday. I wake up every morning and it's the same sh*t. The people I let down constantly, the simple things that I cannot do........... What am I living for? Better yet why am I living when I know I have nothing to live for? It's all pointless anyway so screw it.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
That movie, and oddly enough Al Bundy's character from the 80s US sitcom Married With Children are apt metaphors for my life, ie, same ol' shit, different day. And the defeated, cynical, indifferent attitude of Al Bundy.
Sorry yer feelin' like this, defiance. Though, I've been wondering what ah've got to live for as well - aside from the odd music concert or live comedy show that gets me outta the house. But other than that, there's no much for me, either.
