How do people like us find work??

Anonymous

Well-known member
wow

I saw that someone had posted "suicide is always there". My social phobia started after my sister commited suicide 4 years ago. Since then I find myself barely leaving the house. When I do get out, I have panic attacks and pass out frequently. I'm only 19 and my parents still support me. I feel pretty pathetic most of the time. Being self employed through ebay worked for about a year. Now I clean modular homes after hours 2 days a week. It's not enough to take care of myself. Any suggestions?
 

neddy

Well-known member
Hello, I have also gone through many jobs through the years. My first job lasted 9 years and then I have had many jobs about 30 since 1997. I just couldn't seem to stick at it as I always felt uncomfortable or that people were judging me because i am so quiet, some even said that I was strange as I kept to myself all the time. For the last 7 years I have had jobs where I mainly worked after hours and by myself but I found that the less contact I had with people the worse my social phobia got, it's like I got used to not being around people any more and when I was felt very uncomfortable. I also don't have any friends but I don't worry too much about that at the moment. My number 1 priority at the moment is trying to beat this social phobia and not the other way around.

Four years ago I did something I never thought was possible. I have mainly worked in the retail industry as well as doing alot of cleaning, I decided with the help of someone that I worked with to change direction completely and ended up driving taxis for a living. Fair enough you have to be around people but you don't have to talk to them if you don't want to. I have changed alot over the last 4 years and am no longer so scared of people. When I first started driving taxis I was very scared, nervous and anxious but soon realised that there are alot of nice people out there who just love to talk and are very friendly. This has really helped me alot and makes me more determined to overcome this.

One thing I couldn't handle is that if you go to a club and you can't find your passengers you have to go inside and see the bar staff and they send the people outside. This is way out of my comfort zone, when I walk in the door all I want too do is to disappear as I feel very uncomfortable and can't handle everyone looking at me. Well this is slowly getting easier each time I do it. Unfortunately I do not have the option of not working. I live by myself and have to pay the rent, bills etc and was just unable to cope finacially on the pension. Being a taxi driver is also classed as being self employed. Its up to you how hard you want to work and how much money you make.
 

Anonymous

Well-known member
It took me great effort to get my first job. In fact I delayed a lot of stuff because of anxiety. I delayed getting a job and drivers license until I turned 20 (I'm 21). I got nagged by parents non-stop. All conversations led to them telling me to get a job. I didn't want to talk to them during that time. I tried as best I could to be as little a burden I could on everyone, but it didn't help. I eventually exploded and broke part of my computer desk off and they got off my back a little while. Then it started up again and I told them I was suicidal and then they backed up totally and let me choose the right time to get a job. I got a job probably a year later, the job was terrible and I quit it in two days. All the mental progress I went through up until those two days were totally erased. I became suicidal the first day on the job. I quit the morning of the third day. I felt like I had let both myself and my mom down so I filled out an application to a retail store and got the job, I was freaking out about this job too, but at least at this job I had very nice people to work with. I had to learn a lot of new skills and I have to sell things. I never would have imagined I would be trying to convince people to buy stuff. I'm still at the same job and as long as it stays tolerable I'll not quit.
 

Lucifer

New member
Take a job that forces you to confront your fears. Don't give up when it gets tough, and maybe you'll slowly start to see your phobias disappearing.

Avoiding it will never beat it, only make it worse.

When you realise there's no question of whether you can or can't, only whether you do or do not, then it becomes easier. Then you just have to decide to do, and be true to your decision. Ask yourself if you're really prepared to stick it out.
 

funnyman

Active member
On my way into a job I am currently doing volunteer work one mourning a week. I've found that im not so nervous which shocks me a bit. I expected to be losing sleep and throwing up in the mourning before I start. I think volunteer work is a great starting point, there is a lot less pressure and the world needs volunteers. :|
 

Tris

Well-known member
I work Full time at an answering service, it was hard at 1st to talk to all those poeple i dont know, but its so much easier cuz i dont have to deal with anyone face to face
 

funnyman

Active member
tris

One of my last jobs involved answering phones, I couldn't handle it. I started having panic attacks and not only had to leave the job but was let go (or fired). It sounds like your doing well Tris, good for you :eek: :!:
 

funnyman

Active member
volunteering

I have just steped my volunteer work up to two mournings a week, so far so good :!: Anybody having trouble with employment, getting and keeping a job volunteering is just great. I can't beleave that I am doing this work with out throwing up b4 work, without sleepless nights and nerves sweats. I just get a bit nerv-ie the night b4 but hey I can deal with a little bit. :mrgreen:
 

toeknee

Member
Well in the past I have had temp jobs that have sometimes involved using the phone which I absolutely hated. I would get nervous. I remember one job I had I loved because there was no phone work involved and it was purely entering data. But on one occasion they were short staffed and I was asked to fill in a role asking questions over the phone. I bluffed my way through by simply pretending to phone up and getting no answer. It worked and I have used similar methods, i.e taking the phone cable out of the socket so I wouldn't get any phone calls and luckily I go away with it.
I have had so many jobs and most have been temporary because I couldn't stand having to deal with people or using the phone. I remember this one job I had which was a permanent job. I was too afraid to ask for help, too afraid to even say goodbye and could not use the phone. I would make mistakes because I was too afraid to ask strangers for help.
People who don't understand being shy or having social phobia can comprehend what the big deal is with just asking for help or just using the phone, but it can be an ordeal. 3 times my boss called into his office to talk about my work and the fact I was contributing to the everyday discussions and not asking for help. The last time he had one of his colleagues sit in with him. I felt so nervous, he really didn't handle it very well and I could barely say a word for fear of crying! It ws an awful experience but that was over 5 years ago and I actually left the job! Its so funny because I would have stayed until I was fired but it didn't happen that way. I woke late one Friday morning and was too afraid to phone in so I decided instead of risking being told off that it would be my last day. So I spent the day on my own with myself just walking around window shopping. When I got back home my mum was there saying my boss had rang to see where I was, and I knew he must have been angry so I wasn't going to talk to him. Instead I wrote him a letter explaining in the most articulate way I could my reasons for leaving. I had been ther about 4 months, doing really sh@tty jobs because I wasn't trusted in doing more responsible ones, i.e collecting my boss's cat food for him. So after I went onto doing temping to make ends meet and again there were many temp jobs where it was obvious I was not the centre of attention.
But it all came to a head with one situation I was in with my female friends in a pub. One of my friends had knocked this guy's jacket over and it created a total misunderstanding with the guy becoming very confrontational. I was so scared I merely had my head down and said nothing. Around this time I had a job where answering the phone was a big part of the job. I would purposely act slow in answering the phone and the woman I worked with made some comment about it but I merely smiled and shrugged it off. Well all this bothered me so much I went and seeked out a Therapist. I had read a lot of self help books which helped but I needed more professional guidance and have been in therapy for 5 years now and I have realy come a long way. I no longer stay quite when I'm short changed or if my food order is mixed up. I can say goodbye to people, I can use people's names more and make small talk a lot easier than I used to! It really makes me angry when i see people like me get a hard time from ignorant idiots. I remember working in a temp job with this woman clearly older than me and a lot more shy than me. She walked with a hunched back and hardly ever made eye contact. She would speak fast and very nervously too. Well I remember she was away for a few days and to replace her for those few days the agency sent some guy in his early 20s who had worked with her before. He hardly did any work and would just joke around. We had a conversation about her where he made some offensive remark, " do you think Sue is a Lesbian?" Although it made me angry I didn't start an argument, I merely stated in calm non confrontational voice " I don't think she is, have you seen her with any other women"? so his attempt at trying to be funny at the expense of someone else crumbled.
 

toeknee

Member
Well in the past I have had temp jobs that have sometimes involved using the phone which I absolutely hated. I would get nervous. I remember one job I had I loved because there was no phone work involved and it was purely entering data. But on one occasion they were short staffed and I was asked to fill in a role asking questions over the phone. I bluffed my way through by simply pretending to phone up and getting no answer. It worked and I have used similar methods, i.e taking the phone cable out of the socket so I wouldn't get any phone calls and luckily I go away with it.
I have had so many jobs and most have been temporary because I couldn't stand having to deal with people or using the phone. I remember this one job I had which was a permanent job. I was too afraid to ask for help, too afraid to even say goodbye and could not use the phone. I would make mistakes because I was too afraid to ask strangers for help.
People who don't understand being shy or having social phobia can comprehend what the big deal is with just asking for help or just using the phone, but it can be an ordeal. 3 times my boss called into his office to talk about my work and the fact I was contributing to the everyday discussions and not asking for help. The last time he had one of his colleagues sit in with him. I felt so nervous, he really didn't handle it very well and I could barely say a word for fear of crying! It ws an awful experience but that was over 5 years ago and I actually left the job! Its so funny because I would have stayed until I was fired but it didn't happen that way. I woke late one Friday morning and was too afraid to phone in so I decided instead of risking being told off that it would be my last day. So I spent the day on my own with myself just walking around window shopping. When I got back home my mum was there saying my boss had rang to see where I was, and I knew he must have been angry so I wasn't going to talk to him. Instead I wrote him a letter explaining in the most articulate way I could my reasons for leaving. I had been ther about 4 months, doing really sh@tty jobs because I wasn't trusted in doing more responsible ones, i.e collecting my boss's cat food for him. So after I went onto doing temping to make ends meet and again there were many temp jobs where it was obvious I was not the centre of attention.
But it all came to a head with one situation I was in with my female friends in a pub. One of my friends had knocked this guy's jacket over and it created a total misunderstanding with the guy becoming very confrontational. I was so scared I merely had my head down and said nothing. Around this time I had a job where answering the phone was a big part of the job. I would purposely act slow in answering the phone and the woman I worked with made some comment about it but I merely smiled and shrugged it off. Well all this bothered me so much I went and seeked out a Therapist. I had read a lot of self help books which helped but I needed more professional guidance and have been in therapy for 5 years now and I have realy come a long way. I no longer stay quite when I'm short changed or if my food order is mixed up. I can say goodbye to people, I can use people's names more and make small talk a lot easier than I used to! It really makes me angry when i see people like me get a hard time from ignorant idiots. I remember working in a temp job with this woman clearly older than me and a lot more shy than me. She walked with a hunched back and hardly ever made eye contact. She would speak fast and very nervously too. Well I remember she was away for a few days and to replace her for those few days the agency sent some guy in his early 20s who had worked with her before. He hardly did any work and would just joke around. We had a conversation about her where he made some offensive remark, " do you think Sue is a Lesbian?" Although it made me angry I didn't start an argument, I merely stated in calm non confrontational voice " I don't think she is, have you seen her with any other women"? so his attempt at trying to be funny at the expense of someone else crumbled.
 

funnyman

Active member
A good therapist can be a great help, I have only been seeing one for the past few months. It took me a long time to find a good one. I hope that with my current efforts, volunteer work etc.... I should hopefully be able to take on a job some time later this year maybe :roll:
Toeknee sounds like therapy worked for you?
 

toeknee

Member
Hi Funnyman

Well done for taking the initiative to see a therapist! I would say for me it has helped enormously but I am still not totally cured! Before I used to read a lot of self help books and I still do.
 

funnyman

Active member
It would be great if there were employers who only employed people with SP. At least your co-workers would understand and ya boss! Hell more work would be done thats for sure and well most of the time it would be a quite place to work. :idea:
 

happywannabe

Active member
hiya all :D

i like to bring this post bak in about working when u have sp
its has been along time since some 1 has left a post . i find it really hard to go bak to work i hard i training course after i left school it lasted 6 months.
i had 2 jobs after that in between years which lasted 2 weeks :( now i havent had a job for 10 years i feel thats the worse thing i try but give up to quickly before i get the interveiws i bak out.
hows u funnyman :D have u manged that job yet, u said it would b great to get a job when ur employer knows ur sp am in the uk and the job centre does something like that for the mental health there employed in eg hotel work ( kichen staff, cleaner,receiption) and they said i can join but am not mental health :x :oops: but my doctor class sp is a class of the mental heath catgory it this true in other places :?:
 

richkid

Well-known member
I posted early on this site to do camp america, i have done it before i knew about my sp and found it really challenge and although i was quite fitted in quite well. However on replying this year i got screwed over, i told them about SP and felt at the time it wouldn't be a prob well apparently it was. I asked the for a kiss, they said why i said because it feels like i'm getting fucked. Never mind life goes on.

On a positive note however.... i'm not going to run away from this problem. I can change and the exposure i get will help me do that even if it is painful at first. Yes its scary but don't run away from it. If you want to change you have to make choices and stick to change. Its all about risk the bigger the risk you take the more rewarding they can be. Small steps just don't take 1 step forwad and 2 steps back. Get into jobs that make you talk to people make you feel a little embarassed as you get better at it it will fall into place its effectively CBT.( be a waiter, barperson, sales, retail) Avoiding the problem and brushing it under the carpet is going keep you trapped in your fear and live a miserble bitter life your better than that!

happywannabe is SP classed as a dissablity for jobs, does the government help you get a job through the job center?
 

happywannabe

Active member
hiya
what is camp america?
i didnt understand nwhy u got turned down cos u told them the u had sp it sound like u asked for a kiss and u said cos it feels like am get fucked.
thats wot i read explain or am just reading it wrong :oops: .
yes my local job centre classes my illness as a disabitly i get some kind of benfit to live on and they help me to get bak to work only if i want to they dont push me but sometimes i think i need that little push to do it.

i was interesting in computer help me with a free course, it was based on the mental health but i felt uncomfotable in the that sisuation that i didnt go i dont judge people who have mental illness but i just felt like i didnt fit there i feel am not mental but just scare of this big bad world as i call it .
 

funnyman

Active member
happywannabe

No haven't got a job yet. Still volunteering, I want to study next instead of a job. I need qualifications. I must say, volunteering has done a lot o good for me!!!!!
 

richkid

Well-known member
happywannabe,

Hey, camp america is a programme where you go to an american camp for 9 weeks. Everything is paid for you al you do is look after the kids. Because of SP they felt I would not be able to cope with the demands of the job. Anyone thinking of doing this with Camp America don't there crap, go with Bunac I hear it cost more but you get more money at the end for travelling which is the real reason I wanted to go.
 

Anonymous

Well-known member
Boohoo,

Suicide is always there.
What a shit reply, how the hell is that supposed to make people feel, Im sorry but I read that and felt like crap! People want good advice or at least a little bit positive! If it was meant to be a joke I dont think it is funny at all because some people may actually be considering that and that does not give them the encouragment to change there mind. [/code]
 

happywannabe

Active member
hi all again :D
we want positive post hear we all want to feel better. :lol:
camp america does sound great and i think its a good idea if the can employ people with social phoiba and let them just have a small group of kids instead of a great bunch. it would b a good idea if there was a social phobia camp u can join and have activeties that u join in trusting each other, just in small groups like 2 or 3 the building ur self up to 6 or more for a week or two if u can manage it or even a few days it would b up to us.


well good luck on all of use to find work but am still unemployed and did try working from home years ago i did lost lots of money on cons so i havent had any luck with that but it would b nice to earn ur own money any way take care :D
 
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