I'm going to the mental hospital now.

[Spike Lee]

BTW, I am thinking about doing the same thing sometime soon (its the quickest way to get meds). I have no experience with adult facilities though, anyone know what they are like? I'm also not trying to be held somewhere where they keep me for more than 5 days.

 

[illuminationSP]

I spent five days in the mental hospital. Now I'm currently in a temporary, residential living facility (a group home, basically) until I'm fit enough to return to the outside, which should be in a week or two. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I have a pass and supervision. Over the past few months, the urge to die became more intense (eventually researching ways to die and nearing an attempt) and the cutting became increasingly worse and in the days before admitting myself to the hospital, more frequent (over 50 cuts now, in total). Noticeably, I have also been losing a lot of weight. That morning before going to the hospital, I also smashed my face into the wall and was bleeding. I wasn’t able to stop crying or yelling. Considering that I've been hospitalized many times before and how I haven't been productive in life (can't believe I'm 23, with nothing to show), the first mental hospital that I went to called me irresponsible and told me that I was in the wrong place, as if I was merely a disappointment. Seriously offended by this, I walked out during the admission after voicing my disbelief. I went to a second mental hospital, where they accepted me a little more graciously. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of socialphobiaworld, honestly, and all of you. This may be just a website, sure, but it’s my entire support system. I usually hate disclosing personal information about myself so publicly, but unlike in the rest of the world, I trust that here I can be fully understood. I'm just attempting to share and relate, as I believe there is strength in numbers. As I sit underneath this tree, while trying to heal, I'm desperately searching for reasons to live. I don't know my place.

 

[illuminationSP]

Yeah, and thanks

 

[anomicdeer]

I spent five days in the mental hospital. Now I'm currently in a temporary, residential living facility (a group home, basically) until I'm fit enough to return to the outside, which should be in a week or two. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I have a pass and supervision. Over the past few months, the urge to die became more intense (eventually researching ways to die and nearing an attempt) and the cutting became increasingly worse and in the days before admitting myself to the hospital, more frequent (over 50 cuts now, in total). Noticeably, I have also been losing a lot of weight. That morning before going to the hospital, I also smashed my face into the wall and was bleeding. I wasn’t able to stop crying or yelling. Considering that I've been hospitalized many times before and how I haven't been productive in life (can't believe I'm 23, with nothing to show), the first mental hospital that I went to called me irresponsible and told me that I was in the wrong place, as if I was merely a disappointment. Seriously offended by this, I walked out during the admission after voicing my disbelief. I went to a second mental hospital, where they accepted me a little more graciously. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of socialphobiaworld, honestly, and all of you. This may be just a website, sure, but it’s my entire support system. I usually hate disclosing personal information about myself so publicly, but unlike in the rest of the world, I trust that here I can be fully understood. I'm just attempting to share and relate, as I believe there is strength in numbers. As I sit underneath this tree, while trying to heal, I'm desperately searching for reasons to live. I don't know my place.

That was so amazing. I felt that I just read a book.
I do agree with you about this places(SPW) Sometimes I don't like discussing my issues that way and as much as I think no one will understand, someone HERE will. But I feel it doesn't help me enough.
I still need help personally...in person... or whatever. I know I have to do things for myself. Not only that but you can't do everything yourself in this world... either you can find your way to work for yourself or work for someone else.
Nearly everyday I wonder what I'm living for, what can I live for?
I don't want to just end it, but if I can't get anywhere, I just don't think there's a point.

 

[Mr. S]

You've GOT to have something to live for. Don't tell me that there's nothing you're good at, that you enjoy doing?
I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going through, but I'm sure you'll find your place eventually.

 

[garry29]

I spent five days in the mental hospital. Now I'm currently in a temporary, residential living facility (a group home, basically) until I'm fit enough to return to the outside, which should be in a week or two. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I have a pass and supervision. Over the past few months, the urge to die became more intense (eventually researching ways to die and nearing an attempt) and the cutting became increasingly worse and in the days before admitting myself to the hospital, more frequent (over 50 cuts now, in total). Noticeably, I have also been losing a lot of weight. That morning before going to the hospital, I also smashed my face into the wall and was bleeding. I wasn’t able to stop crying or yelling. Considering that I've been hospitalized many times before and how I haven't been productive in life (can't believe I'm 23, with nothing to show), the first mental hospital that I went to called me irresponsible and told me that I was in the wrong place, as if I was merely a disappointment. Seriously offended by this, I walked out during the admission after voicing my disbelief. I went to a second mental hospital, where they accepted me a little more graciously. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of socialphobiaworld, honestly, and all of you. This may be just a website, sure, but it’s my entire support system. I usually hate disclosing personal information about myself so publicly, but unlike in the rest of the world, I trust that here I can be fully understood. I'm just attempting to share and relate, as I believe there is strength in numbers. As I sit underneath this tree, while trying to heal, I'm desperately searching for reasons to live. I don't know my place.

Hi mate you don't know me but I've been following your posts and I feel bad that your going through a rough patch. You've still got so much going for you. Maybe you feel like you've done nothing with your life but you're still only 23. There's plenty of options available to you. Please try not to ponder on missed opportunities as this only serves to make you depressed.

 

[AimeeSP]

I spent five days in the mental hospital. Now I'm currently in a temporary, residential living facility (a group home, basically) until I'm fit enough to return to the outside, which should be in a week or two. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I have a pass and supervision. Over the past few months, the urge to die became more intense (eventually researching ways to die and nearing an attempt) and the cutting became increasingly worse and in the days before admitting myself to the hospital, more frequent (over 50 cuts now, in total). Noticeably, I have also been losing a lot of weight. That morning before going to the hospital, I also smashed my face into the wall and was bleeding. I wasn’t able to stop crying or yelling. Considering that I've been hospitalized many times before and how I haven't been productive in life (can't believe I'm 23, with nothing to show), the first mental hospital that I went to called me irresponsible and told me that I was in the wrong place, as if I was merely a disappointment. Seriously offended by this, I walked out during the admission after voicing my disbelief. I went to a second mental hospital, where they accepted me a little more graciously. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of socialphobiaworld, honestly, and all of you. This may be just a website, sure, but it’s my entire support system. I usually hate disclosing personal information about myself so publicly, but unlike in the rest of the world, I trust that here I can be fully understood. I'm just attempting to share and relate, as I believe there is strength in numbers. As I sit underneath this tree, while trying to heal, I'm desperately searching for reasons to live. I don't know my place.

I'm so glad to hear you're okay! Thank you for being so open and honest with us all buddy, it's great to understand you more and being able to support you better. I too have been in hospital for depression, anxiety ect and also an ex-self harmer, so in these ways i can very much relate to you. You're more than welcome to message me anytime, even if it's just to rant about life or something you've seen on the TV i don't mind, let it all out. We're here for you x

 

[Lost Girl]

Thank you for sharing all that, illumination, I'm so glad you're okay.
I think instead of searching for a reason to live, you should go out and MAKE a reason to live. Maybe volunteer somewhere, or find a passion. In the grand scheme of things, maybe our little individual lives don't mean all that much, but if you give, and share, than your life will mean something very special to at least one person. You may have even helped someone on this very site with something you have said. Don't focus on what you haven't achieved yet. The past is over and the future isn't here yet - remember that. You can do almost anything you want from this day forward, and make your very existence a positive and beautiful thing in this world.

 

[Felgen]

Remember that you're still young, and that 80% of people with social anxiety recovers from it. I know people that have been in the mental hospital that has recovered and are now living normal lives.

 

[Spike Lee]

I spent five days in the mental hospital. Now I'm currently in a temporary, residential living facility (a group home, basically) until I'm fit enough to return to the outside, which should be in a week or two. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I have a pass and supervision. Over the past few months, the urge to die became more intense (eventually researching ways to die and nearing an attempt) and the cutting became increasingly worse and in the days before admitting myself to the hospital, more frequent (over 50 cuts now, in total). Noticeably, I have also been losing a lot of weight. That morning before going to the hospital, I also smashed my face into the wall and was bleeding. I wasn’t able to stop crying or yelling. Considering that I've been hospitalized many times before and how I haven't been productive in life (can't believe I'm 23, with nothing to show), the first mental hospital that I went to called me irresponsible and told me that I was in the wrong place, as if I was merely a disappointment. Seriously offended by this, I walked out during the admission after voicing my disbelief. I went to a second mental hospital, where they accepted me a little more graciously. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of socialphobiaworld, honestly, and all of you. This may be just a website, sure, but it’s my entire support system. I usually hate disclosing personal information about myself so publicly, but unlike in the rest of the world, I trust that here I can be fully understood. I'm just attempting to share and relate, as I believe there is strength in numbers. As I sit underneath this tree, while trying to heal, I'm desperately searching for reasons to live. I don't know my place.

I can PM you my cell so you could text me whenever you're feeling in the dump (I'm not much of a talker so I probably won't pick up if you try to call...but none the less I'll definitely text you back)

sometimes it's good to just vent to someone (especially if they're in the same boat as you, which I am....except I'm 24)

Let me know if that would be okay.

 

[KiaraBlue]

Thank you for sharing all that, illumination, I'm so glad you're okay.
I think instead of searching for a reason to live, you should go out and MAKE a reason to live. Maybe volunteer somewhere, or find a passion. In the grand scheme of things, maybe our little individual lives don't mean all that much, but if you give, and share, than your life will mean something very special to at least one person. You may have even helped someone on this very site with something you have said. Don't focus on what you haven't achieved yet. The past is over and the future isn't here yet - remember that. You can do almost anything you want from this day forward, and make your very existence a positive and beautiful thing in this world.

I couldn't say it better Lost Girl..

 

[Lorraine Manca]

I spent five days in the mental hospital. Now I'm currently in a temporary, residential living facility (a group home, basically) until I'm fit enough to return to the outside, which should be in a week or two. I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I have a pass and supervision. Over the past few months, the urge to die became more intense (eventually researching ways to die and nearing an attempt) and the cutting became increasingly worse and in the days before admitting myself to the hospital, more frequent (over 50 cuts now, in total). Noticeably, I have also been losing a lot of weight. That morning before going to the hospital, I also smashed my face into the wall and was bleeding. I wasn’t able to stop crying or yelling. Considering that I've been hospitalized many times before and how I haven't been productive in life (can't believe I'm 23, with nothing to show), the first mental hospital that I went to called me irresponsible and told me that I was in the wrong place, as if I was merely a disappointment. Seriously offended by this, I walked out during the admission after voicing my disbelief. I went to a second mental hospital, where they accepted me a little more graciously. The only thing that has kept me going is the thought of socialphobiaworld, honestly, and all of you. This may be just a website, sure, but it’s my entire support system. I usually hate disclosing personal information about myself so publicly, but unlike in the rest of the world, I trust that here I can be fully understood. I'm just attempting to share and relate, as I believe there is strength in numbers. As I sit underneath this tree, while trying to heal, I'm desperately searching for reasons to live. I don't know my place.

you've been through alot. staying alive is an accomplishment, just think how hard it was, and you know its true. dont worry about the rest until you feel better. i wish you the best

 

[illuminationSP]

Thank you to everyone, again. Your care and concern is instrumental in my strength and recovery. I wish there was a better way to show my gratitude, because how else am I supposed to reward a lifeline? Until then, only words can do. The love is completely reciprocal.

 

[cobalt_bluester]

I'm so sorry I know just how you are feeling. You are in my thoughts and I hope you can eventually pull through this x

 

[Luna1740]

I went there a couple weeks back and it absolutely saved my life, hope to hear from you when you get out, and i hope that it helps you as much as it helped me