Lets face it women...your all hooked up

[Nightshade]

Its just a waiting game, and sooner or later a guy will find you simply amazing and be pleading with you to go out with him. All you have to do is say yes

I'm assuming by your use of the winking smiley that you are kidding. You are, aren't you?

There is as much diversity in what women find attractive as in what men find attractive. The stereotypes of men looking for physical attractiveness in women and women looking for ability to provide/ confidence in men hold true to some extent, I agree. But there are so many exceptions that it is better to ignore the stereotype completely in my opinion because it only makes people feel sorry for themselves if they don't think they fit the criteria for being attractive.

I also disagree with the assertion that women don't ask men out. Some women don't, but plenty that I know do.

In my life, I have a pretty much 50:50 ratio of being asked out by men compared to asking men out - that is, I did once ask a man out.

It was one of the hardest things I ever did, and I would never have done it except for the circumstances were relatively "safe" for me (A) he was about to go overseas for several months (B) I was about to move to a different city and would never have to see anybody in the area again if I humiliated myself (C) I had worked with him for several years and knew he was a nice person and not an arrogant creep (D) I had a friend in an office nearby who encouraged me gently and that I could go and talk to when I started to panic. With that set of circumstances it was never going to go anywhere, but I decided I wanted to do it just to try and get control of my fear.

It didn't go terribly well, but I did it. And even if over the next 6 years my confidence deteriorated and my anxiety got worse, I know that I found the courage once, and I will find it again.

As to where I will find the right man for me - that's whole different problem. :?

 

[Horatio]

Despite my SP Ive been stupid enough to ask out about 7 or so girls in my life (although none in the last few years)

The nicest ones just said no, the not so nice ones laughed at me.

I just wish I was better looking and didnt have SP and were confident socially instead, maybe then girls would actually give me a chance

 

[Marin]

----------

 

[Horatio]

Re: Socially Phobic Lady

Nice guys seem to think they're screwed and that no one would want them. They make Themselves unavailable because of their attitude.

Nice guys think that way because girls time and time again have told them that they are not desirable. When I "make myself available" girls tell me Im too ugly or weird and to get lost. I think what girls say they want and what girls really want are two different things.

Its less painful for nice guys with SP to bang their head against the wall than approach a girl and get shat on yet again

 

[Yossarian]

What's this about nice guys? Don't confuse nice with shy. For a start I'm shy and I can be a complete prick. Probably not the best combination but ..anyway yeah there's lots of nice people who aren't shy...the vast majority in my opinion.

As for this old chestnut about whether women have it easier....to be honest in the relationship stakes they might have the edge but SP isn't about getting laid. It's about fear and it's consequences. I'm happy for anyone who can find someone special, male or female. For me SP is about being a fraction of what we could be. Living a half-life would probably be too generous a description. We should be sticking together not arguing amongst ourselves about who has it easier.

Grr, I'm drunk and rambling but you know there's like 6 billion people on this rock. That's some extreme odds that nobodies gonna love you.

"Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world." Arthur Schopenhauer

 

[lifesnotfair]

well doesn't matter what people believe, there are way more single guys than women, SP or no SP

 

[Fredscars]

come to my school. Theres one hell of a lot more single girls in my school than there are guys.

 

[Crimefish]

Um... at least you know people your age. All the people who live near me are like 14. There are no 17yos.

 

[Yossarian]

That's probably due to the Great Sex Famine of 1988. Just wait 3 years Crimefish, then they will all be 17

 

[lifesnotfair]

well i hate romance, i hate everything related to it

 

[Remus]

These forums really are cheerful arnt they

 

[Fredscars]

That's probably due to the Great Sex Famine of 1988. Just wait 3 years Crimefish, then they will all be 17

i was going to make a comment about that not bieng much use..till i realsied that was your point, as a joke.
i really can be so slow.

 

[SolitarySoul]

It seems like all the girls are taken to me too. Well.. all the ones im attracted to at least. Even when there is a single girl that i am attracted to that i want to talk to i have too much trouble so i end up missing my chance. Which is why i have never had a girlfriend and probably never will, because i would probably never get one unless i met a very very pretty girl who was very shy as well, so that it might be a bit easier to talk to her... but the odds of that are low even. I would want someone who i could feel comfortable around.. someone very nice and sweet and would be fun and comforting to be around. But it seems like no one who i could be truely comfortable with really exists. I think the hardest part would be keeping a girl though.. it would take me a while until im confortable enough around her to talk to her much and have fun, and i think most girls would get bored and go find somebody else.