My personal problem

[Kenn]

Hey everyone . I'm new here, sorry if this doesn't belong here, please tell me and I'll try to ask from a moderator to move it, or write it again in the right forum.
I need a tip or advice or anything you can throw at me with my situation. Here goes:

Before around 4 years, I came to realize that I didn't have much confidence, and I was very shy. I looked into it and tried to solve it, and I really did.
Everybody liked me much more in that state, and it was kinda fun to be open with people, tell jokes, and mainly not to care about what other people could think about me. But after a bit while I had some bad encounters with other people. (well, they didn't mean to insult or anything (I assume, we're all friends) but still, the feeling isn't very nice to be open and to get that disrespect).
I decided that there's no person is good enough for me to be open. of course, it's a generalization, but sometimes when people are open with me I really think they're just being annoying and I don't show it of course. Well, if I'll be open maybe I'll be that annoying guy (I don't want to be of course). I do care what people are thinking about me, too much - that's my problem.
Anyways so I neglected my confidence, and let it go away.
I'm writing this about a year later, after meeting some people that makes me want to be open again, but I don't understand how they never get that "disrespect", and if they do, how they don't get offended.

My current state is that this whole scenario made me care more about what people think about me, and I'm even too shy to smile. I'm afraid that people will look at me like I would look at an annoying person.

Thanks for your time and please try to provide me a good tip or advice.
If you have any questions, tell me, please.

 

[Falkor]

It's all about trust.

I think you have a difficulty with trusting people., I do too.

You need to gain trust in the right people again.

You will feel better with their comfort, trust me.

Being open is a good thing, but always be careful.

 

[MikeyC]

ShyAndOkay is right. Trust is the key and you'll be able to open up more, as you used to do. You lost the trust of some people in your friend circle so I can understand how you feel.

But yeah, you have to trust people and that way you can bring out that smile again!

 

[Kenn]

Thank you both.
But what about that feeling that people may not like my behavior and will hide that fact from me?
As I'll open up with people I'll draw them away.
The reason I worry about this that much, is because I know some people, who are sort of too open with me, too quickly, and to be honest, I just think they're cleavy and I'm just trying to avoid them without hurting their feelings each time I see them.

 

[Falkor]

Thank you both.
But what about that feeling that people may not like my behavior and will hide that fact from me?
As I'll open up with people I'll draw them away.
The reason I worry about this that much, is because I know some people, who are sort of too open with me, too quickly, and to be honest, I just think they're cleavy and I'm just trying to avoid them without hurting their feelings each time I see them.

You never know. Until you ask them.
Check upon your thoughts. Hey, do you like my hobbies? (it tells a lot about your personality all right!)
A lot of girls would ask, Hey do you like this outfit? (even guys do, nothing wrong with, just being uncertain, just ask if you feel like that).
Or ask people, ''Do you like me as a person?'' I know true people will be careful with this question. Don't ask strangers ofc. ::.

I would say that people who are OPEN to you, they do trust you.
So, that matters they like sharing details with you, so you should be proud instead! They wouldn't tell a total freak about themselfes. A person they don't like.

Maybe you just don't like them being so cleavy? Just tell them, but you should be proud man, maybe you are just a great advisor!

 

[Kenn]

You never know. Until you ask them.
Check upon your thoughts. Hey, do you like my hobbies? (it tells a lot about your personality all right!)
A lot of girls would ask, Hey do you like this outfit? (even guys do, nothing wrong with, just being uncertain, just ask if you feel like that).
Or ask people, ''Do you like me as a person?'' I know true people will be careful with this question. Don't ask strangers ofc. ::.

I would say that people who are OPEN to you, they do trust you.
So, that matters they like sharing details with you, so you should be proud instead! They wouldn't tell a total freak about themselfes. A person they don't like.

Maybe you just don't like them being so cleavy? Just tell them, but you should be proud man, maybe you are just a great advisor!

Wow, you're a genius! can't believe I haven't thought of that, I mean,
I know from experience that if one of those certain speaked-of people would ask me my opinion on just about anything, I'd finish it quickly in a word or 2, but if a another person which I like would ask my opinion on something, I'd have the whole day for him.

Thank you very much ShyandOkay, you've been a great help for me.

 

[spring]

I think its mostly about how you perceive yourself or how much you respect yourself,at least this has been my experience.
well,there will be times when someone for some reason will disrespect you but it is mainly your confidence that determines how much that effects you and how do you react to that behavior so that it will not happen again.
what I mean is that the self-respect is not the result of how people treat you,it is somehow the opposite.
when you think worthy of yourself you do not over react to these behaviors because it cannot change dramatically how you feel about yourself.of course I do not mean that it wont affect you ,but that it will lose its importance to some degree gradually until you can reach a relatively stable "good" feeling at least some or most of the time.
I am sorry if what I said seems like a cliche but it comes directly from my experience and how I got from being either aggressive or passive all the time to becoming more comfortable in my own skin and actually starting to like my behavior and traits.

 

[Kenn]

I think its mostly about how you perceive yourself or how much you respect yourself,at least this has been my experience.
well,there will be times when someone for some reason will disrespect you but it is mainly your confidence that determines how much that effects you and how do you react to that behavior so that it will not happen again.
what I mean is that the self-respect is not the result of how people treat you,it is somehow the opposite.
when you think worthy of yourself you do not over react to these behaviors because it cannot change dramatically how you feel about yourself.of course I do not mean that it wont affect you ,but that it will lose its importance to some degree gradually until you can reach a relatively stable "good" feeling at least some or most of the time.
I am sorry if what I said seems like a cliche but it comes directly from my experience and how I got from being either aggressive or passive all the time to becoming more comfortable in my own skin and actually starting to like my behavior and traits.

Thank you for your respond .
It does makes much sense, and I've been thinking about this a while ago, but it got me thinking, because I do respect myself as a person, I really do. but still when another person doesn't, it does still affect me. hope you understand what I mean. Thanks again .

 

[OceanMist]

Everyone gets disrespected, even your "cool" popular people. Most of those people don't let it get to them, though.

All I can tell you is to practice not caring what other people think of you. I've tried doing that more thepast few years and it's helped me a little bit. I'm more calm and don't make a big deal out of people calling me names and stuff.

Those outgoing people are blessed, their brains literally react in a relaxed state and aren't sensitive to social situations, which can help a lot with people disrespecting them. Some of them issues too, so it can vary. Biologically speaking they are more well equipped for social situations, good and bad, as far as their brains go.

Of course, we still have the ability of free will, so I do think we can teach ourselves to a certain extent to not care what other people think of us. I've found that even though I stopped worrying so much about what people cared of me, I am still unhappy because I don't have anyone outside of my family that I connect with as friends or a g/f.