Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

It's so funny and so sad at the same time what I'm about to say. Again I cannot say this without sounding like a complete assh*le. I wish my family didn't care so I can have more of a reason to end it. I really wish they didn't. It's the only thing holding me back. I don't want this anymore. It's not fair for me to stay when I want out.

Aye, ah know that feelin' aw too well. It's like ah huv'nae got much to live for myself.

Though, ma family say they care but, sometimes, their actions an words say tha opposite.

I had heard one time my family telling a story about me and how I was really sick when I was a baby. They said I almost didn't make it.

Ah nearly died at birth - so ah guess ah cun relate, there.

I wish I hadn't because then I wouldn't live to see this mental hell hole that I find myself in.

Lookin' back oan ma past 14 years o' ma life, ah know exactly whit ye mean.

I just don't want to hurt anymore. I'm really sorry that you feel that way too. I can't relate to the physical aspect but the mental side of things is a different story and I'm with you.

Me neither, but tha mental side of things is far worse than the physical side for me. Or more tae tha point, bein' insulted and burdened with other folks problems - ie, family - as if ah huv tha advice an words tae make things better isn't great. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Well, whit a day it's been fur me... A doctor's home visit and a call oot fae tha physiotherapy rehab team in yin day.

The doctor hus as adviced me tae rest ma legs - a couple o' pillows under them to reduce the swelling. While the physio team said walk a short distance in the livin' room (fae tha couch tae tha bed). Keep ma feet activite, rotate ma ankles as much as possible, raise the heel up an doon, curl ma toes. And recommended lyin' doon with a few pillows under ma legs tae further reduce tha swelling.

Got in touch with ma consultant surgeon an she's reasured me that it's normal for swelling to occur efter gittin' plaster casts off, but if it's doesnae go away within tha next 2 to 3 weeks get in touch with her again.

Also, might need to get a pair of shoes custom made fur ma new splints, since the trainers are not wide enough to get tha splints intae tha shoes with ma legs in them. Just wish the orthopedic department hud telt me an ma sister that afore we brung the splints hame.

So, it's just yin thing efter another at the moment. But ah've just to be patient, things will get better with time. Just need to put ma best crutch forward an stick with it.

 

[Graeme1988]

Not that am pessimistic aboot ma recovery or anythin'. Well, ah wus a few days ago, cuz when ma sister hoofed me up off ma arse tae try an walk oan Monday night ma legs felt like jelly an ah nearly couped ower (feel over).

 

[defiance]

Not that am pessimistic aboot ma recovery or anythin'. Well, ah wus a few days ago, cuz when ma sister hoofed me up off ma arse tae try an walk oan Monday night ma legs felt like jelly an ah nearly couped ower (feel over).

The start is always the most difficult but your recovery will go well. Just needs some time:thumbup:.

 

[Graeme1988]

The start is always the most difficult but your recovery will go well. Just needs some time:thumbup:.

Aye, that's true. Ah just hope ah'll be able to walk withoot huvin tae wear ma trainers at some point? Ah also hope the orthopedic department are daein right by gettin' me tae walk first? Since ma right-knee doesnae bend as far back as it wus afore tha surgery. Though, ah did huv surgery oan that knee, so...

 

[Graeme1988]

The start is always the most difficult but your recovery will go well. Just needs some time:thumbup:.

Aye, but how much progress can ah be expected tae make in 3 months? Right now, am tried to walk with a zimmer but nae splints... And it's f***in ' agony ! :sad:

:kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah hope am back upstair by ma birthday... Here's hopin'. raying:

Is a realistic goal for me, only huvin' got ma plaster casts off a few days ago on Feb. 22nd 2016? An only huvin hud orthopedic surgery at the beginning of January 2016... :thinking: :idontknow:

 

[Graeme1988]

Why um ah always deceived, an mentally f**ked with by ma ain family... !? :kickingmyself:

 

[defiance]

Why um ah always deceived, an mentally f**ked with by ma ain family... !? :kickingmyself:

I'm sorry you have to go through this man. I just wish they were a bit more understanding of just what it is you are going through so they could give you the treatment you deserve emotionally as opposed to more sh*t:sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm sorry you have to go through this man. I just wish they were a bit more understanding of just what it is you are going through so they could give you the treatment you deserve emotionally as opposed to more sh*t :sad:

But sadly they don't cuz my immedate family are mostly wimmin. Sorry if that makes me sound sexist. Ah'd just be makin' it worse by sayin' ma mum's a staunch, deeply depressed, dour, miserable, man-hatin' feminist, and complusive liar.

But see if ah said that in front of ma sisters, they'd side with my mum. Cuz well, they're wimmin, and our mum never stabbed either of them in a rage due to me not wantin' my fingernails cut...

Also, ma oldest sister genuinely believe we turned oot awrite bein' raised withoot a father cuz our mum said she loves us alot. Which in her (my sister's) mind counts as emotional support. Sorry, but whit kinda dumb cunt logic is that? :idontknow:

So, don't feel sorry for me, ah've pit up with it since ah wus 12. Am used to it by now. Externally, at least. Internally, am a f***in' broken, brow-beaten man.

 

[Graeme1988]

F***in' hell...!! 3 days and am already makin' progress with ma recovery. Cannae believe it !

In pain, but still... Determined as f**k to get back up them stair by tha time o' ma next hospital in May.

 

[defiance]

F***in' hell...!! 3 days and am already makin' progress with ma recovery. Cannae believe it !

In pain, but still... Determined as f**k to get back up them stair by tha time o' ma next hospital in May.

Man that is awesome. Glad to hear it. Keep doing what you're doing because it seems to be working well lol.

 

[Graeme1988]

Man that is awesome. Glad to hear it. Keep doing what you're doing because it seems to be working well lol.

Well... Am just usin' tha pedal exerciser I bought a couple of years ago, and tryin' to walk a bit. Which is still very painful, though ah wish it wus'nae so. Cuz ah really want to get back upstair before another family visit this Easter. Though, am startin' to feel that goal will'nae be achieve in time. If ah didnae get that knee surgery done ah'd probably be upstairs by now? :question:

 

[defiance]

Well... Am just usin' tha pedal exerciser I bought a couple of years ago, and tryin' to walk a bit. Which is still very painful, though ah wish it wus'nae so. Cuz ah really want to get back upstair before another family visit this Easter. Though, am startin' to feel that goal will'nae be achieve in time. If ah didnae get that knee surgery done ah'd probably be upstairs by now? :question:

Well you never know maybe you can recover enough by that time to make it back into your room. Wish I had my own room so I could lock myself in and not be bothered.:sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Ah really must get around to sharin' that story aboot ma hospital stay back in January...

Lately it's jist been updates. Speak of which, am walkin' a wee bit better, still get used to weight-baring through ma right leg. But not as shaky since ah started using tha pedal exerciser more often. And ma heel oan ma right side is closer to tha grun compared to before tha surgery. As my cerebral palsy wus causin' me to be near on ma tip-toes.

Ma family are secretly proud of me. Though, ah think ma tendency to pessimistic an underminded masel' huv kept them fae sayin' it oot loud while am in their presence.

Am thinkin' aboot buyin' a knee brace for support, since that right knee will still be gettin' used to how it's functionin' post-surgery.

And... efter wastin' a few quid oan trainers that were never gonnae fit ma splints anyway. Ah've finally got an appointment at ma local hospital to get measured fur a pair o' orthopedic shoes next week. Yay!

While no exactly trendy lookin', they would, at least, mean ah cun wear ma splints. Though, it's no tha first time ah've experienced ma local NHS bein' stingy cunts when it comes money spendin'. :thumbdown:

So, there ye go. Another borin' insight intae ma life thus far in 2016.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well you never know maybe you can recover enough by that time to make it back into your room.

Well, that whit am hopin' fur... Cuz these past 2 months huv been really painfully borin' for me. And made me realise why ah prefer ma solitude to tha company of people.

Wish I had my own room so I could lock myself in and not be bothered.:sad:

Aye, me too. Sadly, ma bedroom door doesnae lock. So not being bothered has really been doon tae me standin' up for masel' an tellin' ma family to respect ma privacy an personal space. Or y'know... Get tae f #@ ! Am fully aware that makes me come across a cunt in some folks eyes. But ah've always been a loner and an outsider.

 

[Graeme1988]

Boredom startin' tae kick in. F**k! F**k! F**k! F**kety f**k! :kickingmyself:

In 5 days, it'll huv been 3 months since ah hud ma surgery. Come March 22nd, it'll be a month since ah got ma plasters off. Also, am no sure ah'll be back upstairs by tha end o' tha month. Despite ma sister suggestin' ah buy that guitar amp and FX software ah wus savin' up for. Which would be ideal if aw ma guitars weren't in ma room. h: Plus, ah really don't want to still be downstairs in tha living room come tha next family visit. Since aw they do is put me down for being quiet an introverted. Which, they know, pisses me off an really knocks ma self-confidence. Whit little o' it ah huv, anyway. :sad:

And, predictably, there will be a argument over summit, and if ah end sayin' summit ma family doesnae like, they'll f***in' go town oan me. Cuz that whit ma family are like: Cannae accept that am different from them, they don't like change etc. The stubborness to change being really ironic, considering whit ah chose to huv done to masel' nearly 2 months ago...

Ah don't know if ma expectation of gettin' upstairs is unrealistic? :question: Cuz ah desperately want back intae ma room for some much needed soltitude.

 

[defiance]

Boredom startin' tae kick in. F**k! F**k! F**k! F**kety f**k! :kickingmyself:

In 5 days, it'll huv been 3 months since ah hud ma surgery. Come March 22nd, it'll be a month since ah got ma plasters off. Also, am no sure ah'll be back upstairs by tha end o' tha month. Despite ma sister suggestin' ah buy that guitar amp and FX software ah wus savin' up for. Which would be ideal if aw ma guitars weren't in ma room. h: Plus, ah really don't want to still be downstairs in tha living room come tha next family visit. Since aw they do is put me down for being quiet an introverted. Which, they know, pisses me off an really knocks ma self-confidence. Whit little o' it ah huv, anyway. :sad:

And, predictably, there will be a argument over summit, and if ah end sayin' summit ma family doesnae like, they'll f***in' go town oan me. Cuz that whit ma family are like: Cannae accept that am different from them, they don't like change etc. The stubborness to change being really ironic, considering whit ah chose to huv done to masel' nearly 2 months ago...

Ah don't know if ma expectation of gettin' upstairs is unrealistic? :question: Cuz ah desperately want back intae ma room for some much needed soltitude.

Here is to hoping that you will be back in your room in no time for some much needed solitude.

 

[Graeme1988]

Here is to hoping that you will be back in your room in no time for some much needed solitude.

Same here. raying:

But it's just tryin' to find a balance between rest and exercise. Ah mean, do I push myself to make as much progess within tha next few days, at the expense of not really huv a set target schedule? In other words, "By week 3, should be able to do... [insert exercise or walking example here]". Or should I just rest? :idontknow:

Plus tha sheer frustration of huvin to depend upon a family who see me as tha bad yin doesnae exact help. :kickingmyself: That, and being stuck in tha living room since January - with only ma laptop, iPod and a small selection of DVDs to watch - only adds to my desire to be back in ma room.

 

[theslowesthand]

Ah just watched this, as was wondring was "splints" were. My New Leg Brace - YouTube
I'm guessing this is sth like what you have/do :question:
And certainly no offense, but i'm guessing you'd talk maybe in a similar manner :question:

Reminds me of back in the day when played hockey, an had to put on shin-guards to stop gettin assaulted by the hard speeding ball. Didnt rely on support to stand, but i thnk it wuld feel basicaly the same..