online dating
- Thread starter Jesushasomeoneforme
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good times! yay humanity!
OkTrends
Also:
OkTrends
Always such interesting reading, that blog.
OKtrends said:Experiment 2: SO WHAT’S A PICTURE WORTH?
All dating sites let users rate profiles, and OkCupid’s original system gave people two separate scales for judging each other, “personality” and “looks.”
I found this old screenshot. The “loading” icon over the picture pretty much sums up our first four years. Anyhow, here’s the vote system:
Our thinking was that a person might not be classically gorgeous or handsome but could still be cool, and we wanted to recognize that, which just goes to show that when OkCupid started out, the only thing with more bugs than our HTML was our understanding of human nature.
Here’s some data I dug up from the backup tapes. Each dot here is a person. The two scores are within a half point of each other for 92% of the sample after just 25 votes (and that percentage approaches 100% as vote totals get higher).
In short, according to our users, “looks” and “personality” were the same thing, which of course makes perfect sense because, you know, this young female account holder, with a 99th percentile personality:
[pic of a hot chick not wearing much]
…and whose profile, by the way, contained no text, is just so obviously a really cool person to hang out and talk to and clutch driftwood with.
After we got rid of the two scales, and replaced it with just one, we ran a direct experiment to confirm our hunch—that people just look at the picture. We took a small sample of users and half the time we showed them, we hid their profile text. That generated two independent sets of scores for each profile, one score for “the picture and the text together” and one for “the picture alone.” Here’s how they compare. Again, each dot is a user. Essentially, the text is less than 10% of what people think of you.
So, your picture is worth that fabled thousand words, but your actual words are worth…almost nothing.
OkTrends
Also:
OkTrends
Always such interesting reading, that blog.
razzle dazzle rose
Well-known member
^^ I have read a couple of those okcupid blog posts. Very interesting stuff indeed.
I have never tried online dating. As in, posting a profile and exchanging messages and all that. But I have met people in real life I met online, and I have dated some of them. I met these people in sites such as this one or gaming sites or other sites of interest I frequented. So, I got to know these people by what they posted. I wouldn't do this anymore as there have been issues (such as long distance) I rather not deal with anymore. Not sure what kind of experiences a dating website would give, but based on what I have read and observed, I rather not! If only it were easier meeting people the old fashion way: if only I could bump into Mr. Right while browsing magazines at Barnes & Noble (and not be a total spaz) *sigh*
I have never tried online dating. As in, posting a profile and exchanging messages and all that. But I have met people in real life I met online, and I have dated some of them. I met these people in sites such as this one or gaming sites or other sites of interest I frequented. So, I got to know these people by what they posted. I wouldn't do this anymore as there have been issues (such as long distance) I rather not deal with anymore. Not sure what kind of experiences a dating website would give, but based on what I have read and observed, I rather not! If only it were easier meeting people the old fashion way: if only I could bump into Mr. Right while browsing magazines at Barnes & Noble (and not be a total spaz) *sigh*
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
internet = pervfest
I joined a penpal site just last night out of boredom and requested that only other female users contact me for friendly chat.
... what is my first message?
user: hi! you have foot fetish? my feet very sexy.
^ WUHHHHH?! Because I have a user ID photo with SHOES in it-- suddenly I'm a foot fetishist.
I blocked the first 4 people who tried to talk to me because they started out our chat by asking if I was a virgin and if I was married.
Then I would say I'm not married and ignore the virgin thing; giving them the benefit of the doubt... and they ask what's wrong with me for me to be 26 and not married.
Blocked some more people.
I met ONE person whom I might exchange email addresses with to talk horror movies before I delete my account.
It's just... too scary for me.
I would almost prefer going out onto the street and trying to strike up conversation with the first interesting person to walk by me. T_T
RE: online dating is a raw deal-- especially for guys, I hear. The perverts are giving you a bad rap, man.
I joined a penpal site just last night out of boredom and requested that only other female users contact me for friendly chat.
... what is my first message?
user: hi! you have foot fetish? my feet very sexy.
^ WUHHHHH?! Because I have a user ID photo with SHOES in it-- suddenly I'm a foot fetishist.
I blocked the first 4 people who tried to talk to me because they started out our chat by asking if I was a virgin and if I was married.
Then I would say I'm not married and ignore the virgin thing; giving them the benefit of the doubt... and they ask what's wrong with me for me to be 26 and not married.
Blocked some more people.
I met ONE person whom I might exchange email addresses with to talk horror movies before I delete my account.
It's just... too scary for me.
I would almost prefer going out onto the street and trying to strike up conversation with the first interesting person to walk by me. T_T
RE: online dating is a raw deal-- especially for guys, I hear. The perverts are giving you a bad rap, man.
drganon
Well-known member
I've recently joined two dating sites and haven't even gotten so much as a visit to my profile. That said, I'm not all that surprised. I wasn't brave enough to post a picture of myself on either site, and I find it hard to describe myself in great detail or in some interesting way in order to grab people's attention. I'm also too shy to make the first move and message people.
To sum it up, I'm just as good at dating online as I am in person.
To sum it up, I'm just as good at dating online as I am in person.
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Bronson99
Well-known member
I'm a guy, and had a fairly typical experience for a guy (that is to say, on the opposite end of this spectrum.) I put up a couple decent pictures of myself, and take the time to write a decent profile. I would never write poorly worded or creepy messages, in fact most of the time I would write a message that proved I had read the woman's profile. A few times you get one message back, and then nothing else. A couple times you exchange messages about 4 times and then ask if they want to email or something, and then it's "I'd rather not." Most of the time you write a message you don't get any replies, of course.
While this is all very mellow compared to what the male creeps tend to do, don't think for a second that it's harmless. I experienced it as a kind of hell, or at least a serious blow to my ego, enough that I began to question my preconceived self-worth. This is NOT a good thing for anyone not prepared to take the blow of being "skipped over" or ignored, theoretically because a small % of high quality men are hoarding the attention (statistics show this tends to be the case.)
If you're an average guy (or less than average) I suggest you either avoid the dating site game altogether, or adopt a pseudo-confident, masochistic attitude toward rejection, make a game out of it, or something. Going in unprepared is the worst thing you could do.
Bronson99
Well-known member
Re: good times! yay humanity!
Quite brave of you to show it is only about money for men, after all. On the other hand, that's the last thing I or about 90% of the male population in this country want to hear.
I'm afraid you ruined my day.
Quite brave of you to show it is only about money for men, after all. On the other hand, that's the last thing I or about 90% of the male population in this country want to hear.
I'm afraid you ruined my day.
S_Spartan
Well-known member
Online dating is like everything else in life. It's good for like 10 percent of the users, you know, the people who probably don't even need it because they have so much going for them in real life.
The thing I was always amazed at was how unoriginal and uninspired people's ads were. People reaaaaalllly do not know how to sell themselves. Most ads arent even written to sell themselves but rather it is like "what can you do for me?"
No thanks!!!
The thing I was always amazed at was how unoriginal and uninspired people's ads were. People reaaaaalllly do not know how to sell themselves. Most ads arent even written to sell themselves but rather it is like "what can you do for me?"
No thanks!!!
MotherWolff
Banned
It goes both ways, really.....
Anyways, before I start sounding really sexist here, let me stop myself.
Ok. I do not like online dating cause you just never know a person's true intentions. And their identity can be ANYTHING.
Plus hardly any guy talks to me on those and when they do(especially the non-Christian ones) all they want is sex.
I am currently using one but I am going to stop cause it feels pointless. I do not think I want a boyfriend or husband or any of that anymore.
I really have to get myself together as far as independence and mental stability goes anyways.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Hey cmon people..
Look, we all know there are a lot of creeps out in the world wide web.
But let's keep in mind;
1) you guys were on those sites, yet you don't seem like creeps
2) one day I'll probably give it a shot - and I don't think I'm a creep (although you may disagree
)I have to admit I'd probably stick to one reputable site that I'm aware of, its non sexual, and for people who are hoping to meet that someone special.
Seeing as I'm no socialite, its got to give me a better chance At finding that someone than sitting at home
Re: good times! yay humanity!
I'm not sure if most people simply don't bother to read text to get a feel for who someone is, or that they don't trust it. Either way it seems that the pictures and numbers (height, weight, income, and so on) are what they really go on if someone is going to contact you out of the blue. Maybe it's a matter of the numbers being searchable data.
It's an unfortunate matter of the nature of dating sites that personality means so little when it comes to initial contacts.
I think anyone (male or female) willing to slog through the emotional drain of the experience can find someone with enough effort. Obviously it's more effort for some than others.
Well, what the data shows is that for unsolicited messages, who you are as a person is basically irrelevant. For girls it's almost entirely about being photogenic, and for guys it's being photogenic plus income.
I'm not sure if most people simply don't bother to read text to get a feel for who someone is, or that they don't trust it. Either way it seems that the pictures and numbers (height, weight, income, and so on) are what they really go on if someone is going to contact you out of the blue. Maybe it's a matter of the numbers being searchable data.
It's an unfortunate matter of the nature of dating sites that personality means so little when it comes to initial contacts.
I think anyone (male or female) willing to slog through the emotional drain of the experience can find someone with enough effort. Obviously it's more effort for some than others.
OceanMist
Well-known member
Dating is a game.
Women will play games, that's just what they are programmed to do. They will often test you to see if you are trustworthy enough to sleep with.
From my experience, you can't pay much attention to stereotypes. There are lots of women that meet that want to have sex, they just have much more coy way of doing it.
You have to test the waters to see what she's really thinking because she won't always give much away.
If a girl is playing games with you and testing you, it means she actually is interested in you. So that is a good thing if she's gaming you.
Women will play games, that's just what they are programmed to do. They will often test you to see if you are trustworthy enough to sleep with.
From my experience, you can't pay much attention to stereotypes. There are lots of women that meet that want to have sex, they just have much more coy way of doing it.
You have to test the waters to see what she's really thinking because she won't always give much away.
If a girl is playing games with you and testing you, it means she actually is interested in you. So that is a good thing if she's gaming you.
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MotherWolff
Banned
Wow......
You have just had the worst type of experience with women.
And I have had the worst type of experience with men. Doesn't mean they're all like that. Same with women.
shyflower
Well-known member
I can say I ave been single all of my life. I have tried the online dating thing and I have met people in person. It always seems the same to me either way. They either are stuck on their ex, still love their ex, their ex is crazy, the ex took all their money, the ex ex ex.... Geez and if it's not an ex they are hung up on then it's.. when we havin sex baby?? Then I put on my rocket shoes and run like hell!
Online dating can work. Some advice I have for those wanting to try it. well...I don't know if this would be helpful for everyone but as female seeking male, this is what worked for me.
EDIT: Also have a good tag line
1)Upload a profile picture but do not make it visible. (People search for profiles with pictures so you want to have a picture but you don't want to make it visible because then you get all the weirdos and pervs sending you pictures of their ...front bottoms) Instead make your profile picture invisible so you can decide who sees your picture. Only guys who read your profile can contact you then and in my opinion only guys you'd want contacting you are the ones who read your profile. So go with the invisible pic (others will see that you have a pic but not what it is) I know POF have this facility. Or else make your main pic one of the things youre interested in. But don't have a main picture of yourself visible to everyone because you'll just get a load of weirdos sending you their bits. Nobody wants weirdo bits in their inbox.
2) Write a light hearted genuine profile. Avoid saying things like 'good sense of humour' and 'easygoing' and 'laid back' these terms are so cliched on dating sites they no longer mean anything. Also people who say they're easygoing and laid back usually aren't and women who say they are laid back are usually the complete opposite and men have copped onto this. so don't say it.
Instead of listing your personality traits try and display them in your profile. Don't say you're funny, make a funny joke to show that you are funny, if you have a big interest put up a picture of what that is so likeminded people see it. However don't get too hung up on hobbies and interests because you don't want to isolate a load of nice potentials who don't share those hobbies and interests eg. if you are a big music fan, don't go on about being the biggest music fan ever and your new fav record is that one by this really obscure band nobodys ever heard of....you'll only either isolate a load of nice lads who don't know about it. on the other hand you'll attract someone the exact same and you'll be the most annoying people ever who constantly try and out do each other on whos the biggest know-it-all. Anyway in my experience it's better to have different interests and hobbies so yea don't go on and on about your movie collection. In any case interests and hobbies do not equate to personality so give yourself more space to get your personality across and less space to your hobbies.
3) Search profiles, women get way more messages than men do. Its a lot more difficult for men to get a reply than women. If you write a message to a guy, you have a much better chance getting a response. You will definitely get better results if you pull the finger out and do a bit of work yourself too.
It is worth it when you get to meet nice people. I got to talk to a lot of really nice genuine guys online. I only met one guy in person from the site and he was worth it.
EDIT: Also have a good tag line
1)Upload a profile picture but do not make it visible. (People search for profiles with pictures so you want to have a picture but you don't want to make it visible because then you get all the weirdos and pervs sending you pictures of their ...front bottoms) Instead make your profile picture invisible so you can decide who sees your picture. Only guys who read your profile can contact you then and in my opinion only guys you'd want contacting you are the ones who read your profile. So go with the invisible pic (others will see that you have a pic but not what it is) I know POF have this facility. Or else make your main pic one of the things youre interested in. But don't have a main picture of yourself visible to everyone because you'll just get a load of weirdos sending you their bits. Nobody wants weirdo bits in their inbox.
2) Write a light hearted genuine profile. Avoid saying things like 'good sense of humour' and 'easygoing' and 'laid back' these terms are so cliched on dating sites they no longer mean anything. Also people who say they're easygoing and laid back usually aren't and women who say they are laid back are usually the complete opposite and men have copped onto this.
so don't say it. Instead of listing your personality traits try and display them in your profile. Don't say you're funny, make a funny joke to show that you are funny, if you have a big interest put up a picture of what that is so likeminded people see it. However don't get too hung up on hobbies and interests because you don't want to isolate a load of nice potentials who don't share those hobbies and interests eg. if you are a big music fan, don't go on about being the biggest music fan ever and your new fav record is that one by this really obscure band nobodys ever heard of....you'll only either isolate a load of nice lads who don't know about it. on the other hand you'll attract someone the exact same and you'll be the most annoying people ever who constantly try and out do each other on whos the biggest know-it-all. Anyway in my experience it's better to have different interests and hobbies so yea don't go on and on about your movie collection. In any case interests and hobbies do not equate to personality so give yourself more space to get your personality across and less space to your hobbies.
3) Search profiles, women get way more messages than men do. Its a lot more difficult for men to get a reply than women. If you write a message to a guy, you have a much better chance getting a response. You will definitely get better results if you pull the finger out and do a bit of work yourself too.
It is worth it when you get to meet nice people. I got to talk to a lot of really nice genuine guys online. I only met one guy in person from the site and he was worth it.
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Hellhound
Super Moderator
Steiner
Well-known member