Overweight

[Horatio]

Hey guys,

The purpose of this post isnt to offend anyone here but to start a conversation on a topic that I have been in denial about for some time and there may be others out there who struggle with the same thing.

Towards the end of my time at school when I was being bullied a lot I started putting on weight and never stopped. I now find myself very overweight and in my mind I am extremely ugly. My doctor has told me basically that it will be VERY difficult for my SP to improve unless I lose weight first. He said that although people say that "looks dont matter" "its whats on the inside that counts" etc, that the TRUTH is that looks DO matter, and if you are overweight then people WILL look down on you and people WILL treat you like your unnacceptable, even if they dont realise they are doing it.

All I know is that I get run down about my looks a lot. Wether its the jerks on the street laughing at me or the girl at church who told me that God was telling her to tell me that I need to do something about my looks or I would never get a wife. Comments like that are a huge setback to my self esteem so to me although the task of losing weight seems impossible I aknowledge that losing weight would be a good first step towards giving my social phobia a one way ticket to Hades.

So my questions to all of you are as follows...

A: Are you overweight?

B: Do you think that being overweight makes your SP worse?

C: Do you think that being overweight caused your SP in the first place or maybe that the SP caused you to become overweight?

D: Do you think looks matter?

I understand that for others of you out there like me, this is a sensitive topic. Im sorry if I have in anyway upset you by bringing it up.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I'm not overweight. I was severely underweight when i was younger due to illness, thats what got the bullies started. Thankfully my weight is pretty stable these days, i'm about as heavy as I should be for my height.
People that are overweight seem to think they have more of a problem then those that are underweight, believe me, it aint true. At 18 years old I was at the same weight as i was at 13, I was constantly bullied and made to feel abnormal and ugly. I was in kids clothes and no matter how much I tried to eat I just couldnt put weight on. My weight problem didnt make my SP worse, the people that bullied me for it did. My weight is still commented on now and then, with those idiot people that say "ohh you could do with some meat on ya' and numurous other stupid things.
Being too fat or too thin seems to make people think they got the right to comment. I dont think what we weigh has anything to do with anyone else. I know most people with weight problems are unhappy with the way they look but poeple should realise that bullying someone overweight is just adding to the problem. My aunty is overweight and the more bad comments she gets the more she eats. It seems to be a comfort thing. As for me, I'm past caring what people think of the way i look.

 

[Anonymous]

I think that your doctor is wrong. Confidence is a choice, not a function of any external circumstances, even being overweight. You could be a disfigured burn victim with one arm and a club foot and still be better off emotionally than the pathetic losers (me included) who populate this board. Also, do not do things in order to make yourself "acceptable" and "marriageable." Be comfortable with who you are, and this is the thing that will be attractive to others, not whether you are fit, have a nice car or have a 12 inch penis. If someone criticizes you for your weight, tell them to fuck off. You don't live your life to please them.

 

[FruitLooPs]

A: Nope, never have been - only one in my family who isn't oveweight hopefully never will be. Good genes play some of that part though, as I don't get out that much - or as much as I want too (lazyness rather than SP though).

B: I would say yes it would, like mind said though it doesn't have to. Being a teenager external looks play a larger role than they most probably should, as it is i'm very concious of how I look - being overweight would probably add to that for me. It is kind of a double edged sword though, by not being overweight I ocassionaly inadvertantly attract attention from girls which makes me uncomfortable and heightens my anxiety.

C: N/A

D: Yes and no, to some poeple they matter a great deal. From buff guys and super sexy models vainly worrying about their looks to overweight people worrying about how they look for self-esteem reasons. For sure the media doesn't help this like worrydoll said.

But in the end it doesn't 'have' to matter, people who are overweight can be as happy or happier than people who aren't and vice versa. You will be accepted by people regardless of how you look, if you have a good attutide towards life and other people. And the ones who don't accept you can just piss off I think.

 

[Tris]

I have the same problem as lilmiss, im underweight and have always been underweight, when i was 10 they were going to put me on feeding tubes because they didnt think i was eating
Being underweight did make my SP worse, when your younger all you want is to fit in and everytime you get rejected you go deeper into your shell and apperance has alot to do with that, when your younger, but now that im older i can care less on what people think of my weight, if your content with the way you are then stay that way as long as its not a health issue, if i could gain weight i would probably be a little more confindent about myself but im not unhappy now. When I was about 12 i started wearing really big clothes and sweatpants under my jeans to make myself look bigger maybe i thought that would help me fit.
and for your question about if looks matter, i know bigger people who are big and beautiful its the way you feel about yourself. If you look at your self in the mirror and just dont like what your looking at then thats going to show even if you try to hide it, if you look in the mirror and say DAMn im sexy then thats whats going to show. So i think if you dont like the way you look then yes loose the weight if you like it then keep it on and be proud!

 

[Anonymous]

Hi Horatio, I can relate to you. When I was younger my weight was pretty average but then I started having some problems and started comfort eating. Since then I have stacked the weight on, it doesn't help having an inactive job either. I am almost 50 kgs overweight and I have noticed the difference in peoples attitudes. they look down at you as if there is something wrong with you and treat you like you are worthless etc. It's amazing that once you get your weight off their attitude changes as I lost alot of weight a few years ago. I am not happy like this and I am feeling every single kg but I feel I wont be able to lose the weight until I have dealt with some of my problems that caused the weight gain in the first place but then again you or your doctor do raise a good point in saying that your sp wont get better unless you lose some weight. The weight that I am on now is actually stopping me from improving my life as the bigger I get the more I isolate, the less I want to go out and the unhappier I feel. In the end if other people have got a problem with your weight then that is their problem not yours, even they are not perfect in every way, if they have got weaknesses of some sort then I remark on them which shuts them up pretty quick and I offend them as well.

A. yes

B. Yes, at the moment it is making it worse as I dread being seen out in public now, very self concious and am fed up with all the rude people out there.

C. I used to eat to make me feel better, I started putting weight on when I was having problems around 13 and my sp has gotten alot worse since then

D. Looks shouldn't really matter, it's whats on the inside that matters. If you are happy the way you are then that should be what matters most. Some people I know have got a problem with the way I look well they can go jump, I will change my appearance when I am ready too and not before.

 

[cody2468]

I forgot to log in. The last reply was from me.

 

[Horatio]

Thankyou everyone for your responses, its been interesting reading everyone's differing opinions on the subject.

Yes Worrydoll I can kind of relate. When Im in a fastfood outlet I feel ok because even though Im overweight I know that everyone else is eating the same stuff that I am. But I find it difficult to walk down the street with food in my hand or with shopping bags etc. Also I find it hard in supermarkets because I always feel like people will think Im greedy.

I feel that being overweight is a problem and yeah sure everyone has problems but being overweight is a problem that anyone with eyes can see. I know you have to want to lose weight for yourself and noone else but the truth is, I dont give a stuff what I look like, but I do give a stuff about the fact that people dont like me and make fun of my looks, and I DO give a stuff about the fact that all girls find me very unnattractive.

Wish me luck to lose weight, I will have to give up my Coke addiction which at the moment is one of the only things I look forward to every day (average of 2 litres of Coke a day)

Horatio

 

[tommydog]

i am a little overwieght. I feel like im good looking and have a good body, until i am comparing notes with some of my friends, and then i lose self esteem. One guy in particular, who i dont see much, his a proffesional athlete, his body makes my not too bad body look pathetic :lol: (and for all you uk' nians, im not talking about wussy kick the round ball around and cry like a baby if get tripped over type sport ) :lol:

but i think it does effect my confidence, appearance is a big thing. I try to never leave the house unless i am dressed in a way in which i feel comfortable and presentable. Im going to make a big effort to start training, i want to lose all my body fat and build up. I think its a waste of life bieng 21 years old and not having a good body.

also with clothing, i always go for quality not quanity. Always buy the unreasonably expensive single item rather than bieng rational and practical, if thats what makes me feel good.

 

[loucat]

im slim verging on skinny whichever way you want to look at, although im an ok weight for my height. However i've often felt that men prefer women bigger or "curvier" as they say and that sometimes makes me feel unattractive. Although i've had partners i've sometimes felt insecure due to being skinny, and i always think people think i'm anorexic, or not eating properly, neither of which are true. Either way weight can be an issue i suppose

 

[Remus]

yes Lou Curvy can be attractive, skinny can be attractive too, I find both appealing, dont let it get you down becuase at the end of the day its that spark in people that makes us love them not the way they look

I'm abit overweight myself, need to lose a few pounds but nothing to write home about, I've always been a stocky strong physical build, just found that the weight goes to my belly and my chin, if it was more evened out it wouldnt look as bad.

 

[Yossarian]

I agree beauty can take an almost infinite amount of different forms.

 

[Faded]

A: No, im underweight

B: Honestly not a serious one. I ended up having a stomach Ulcer as a result of stress. My weight started to diminish gradually to the fatal average, people thought i had eating disorders and tht wasnt true! i was having a health problem from the stress, dealing with it was even worse!
I felt tht i was just a soul without a body .. more likely a body without a soul .. aah in both ways ..


C:Being Underweight was even worser 4 me 2 face SP, hearing those remarks and compliments! Hearing like " Dont your parents feed ya at home!", or my friends complaining about my weight and how skinny i am!i was teased about, and it was even worse than u think its not!

But right now,i started medication 4 my ulcer and im pretty good ^__^
i started gaining weight .. i hope i get fit 4 my height!

D: Sometimes, 4 certain self centered people!

 

[Cryptolysergick]

im overweight..actually im obese..i eat really healthy..i drink a lot of alcohol and i dont exercise much lately..i do weights and yoga when my backs good...im 5'2 i weigh 14 stone. i have big enough bo**ocks to deal with it. its not east but...damn..i can either hide or get out there..im fat get over it...x

are you ok? you seem kidna mad, well there is nothing wrong wiuth being fat. I too am fat.

 

[Cryptolysergick]

Ah yes, society and fatness, I usually have to walk around giding my rolls and shit, cause someone can say soemthing, so i have my arms crossed alot :-/

 

[cody2468]

I am obese and get really angry with alot of the small and narrow minded people in this world. I am not happy the way i am but have difficulty losing weight as I am an emotional eater. My new neighbours have often looked at me with disgust on their face and their kids give me a hard time then they wonder why I wont give them the time of day. I Hate my neighbours but I dislike myself more for letting them get to me. I live in a block of units. Being overweight is really obvious as you can see it on the outside but what about all the other people who have problems internally but you cant see yet we get put down.

 

[Cryptolysergick]

I am obese and get really angry with alot of the small and narrow minded people in this world. I am not happy the way i am but have difficulty losing weight as I am an emotional eater. My new neighbours have often looked at me with disgust on their face and their kids give me a hard time then they wonder why I wont give them the time of day. I Hate my neighbours but I dislike myself more for letting them get to me. I live in a block of units. Being overweight is really obvious as you can see it on the outside but what about all the other people who have problems internally but you cant see yet we get put down.

Thats not cool, you are just as human as them.

 

[black_mamba]

My doctor has told me basically that it will be VERY difficult for my SP to improve unless I lose weight first. He said that although people say that "looks dont matter" "its whats on the inside that counts" etc, that the TRUTH is that looks DO matter, and if you are overweight then people WILL look down on you and people WILL treat you like your unnacceptable, even if they dont realise they are doing it.

I'm kinda shocked your doc told you it would be hard unless you lost weight. I mean, if you had an extreme case of social phobia, looking like a friggin male model wouldn't help your condition, a change in the way you think would.

There is definitely something to be said though about feeling proud about your appearance, but what the doc said...again, I can't believe this. YES people judge subconsiously on your looks, but they also make assumptions about you through everything else. I understand that this is what a lot of social phobes fear of people - I just hope none of you lot compromise your personalities just to satisfy others. Imagine changing your career to one which would win you more friends and impress more women? Pffff no way!

As for loosing weight - it may help in that physically you will feel healthier, if you don't already now. From my experience, being at a healthy mass for your height does improve your mental wellbeing. Its hard work. Thats all. Very. Hard.

My situation = underweight all my life. Only just recently started eating properly, gained a stone, feel better but still look the same! Saw a disgusting women's mag in the doctor's waiting room yesterday that had across its front page; SKINNY CELEBS FINALLY GET SOME MEAT ON THEM. Or something insulting like that. People don't mind being open about insulting skinny people for some reason..

Personally I don't think looks matter. Seriously. I judge people on what they've achieved with their lives [or dress sense if you like] because these are all things they were not born with.

 

[Cryptolysergick]

My doctor has told me basically that it will be VERY difficult for my SP to improve unless I lose weight first. He said that although people say that "looks dont matter" "its whats on the inside that counts" etc, that the TRUTH is that looks DO matter, and if you are overweight then people WILL look down on you and people WILL treat you like your unnacceptable, even if they dont realise they are doing it.

I'm kinda shocked your doc told you it would be hard unless you lost weight. I mean, if you had an extreme case of social phobia, looking like a friggin male model wouldn't help your condition, a change in the way you think would.

There is definitely something to be said though about feeling proud about your appearance, but what the doc said...again, I can't believe this. YES people judge subconsiously on your looks, but they also make assumptions about you through everything else. I understand that this is what a lot of social phobes fear of people - I just hope none of you lot compromise your personalities just to satisfy others. Imagine changing your career to one which would win you more friends and impress more women? Pffff no way!

As for loosing weight - it may help in that physically you will feel healthier, if you don't already now. From my experience, being at a healthy mass for your height does improve your mental wellbeing. Its hard work. Thats all. Very. Hard.

My situation = underweight all my life. Only just recently started eating properly, gained a stone, feel better but still look the same! Saw a disgusting women's mag in the doctor's waiting room yesterday that had across its front page; SKINNY CELEBS FINALLY GET SOME MEAT ON THEM. Or something insulting like that. People don't mind being open about insulting skinny people for some reason..

Personally I don't think looks matter. Seriously. I judge people on what they've achieved with their lives [or dress sense if you like] because these are all things they were not born with.

So if you saw me youd say I was dirty then ask what my patch says?

 

[black_mamba]

You can't catch me out like that. I dress poorly, never iron my clothes, I look scruffy and have mud on my jeans and boots, don't tame my hair, bite my nails...so I would see you as a fellow 'can't be arsed with clothing' person. :lol: