Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

Ithior

Ithior

Well-known member
Lexus199 said:
I've always been terrible at guessing people's ages. So I tend to assume that every girl is either too young or too old for me. That being said, even if they walked around with badges listing their ages I would just find another reason not to talk to them. :p
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I'd probably do the same as well.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
I'm not saying this to be dramatic, but I really feel like I want to kill myself. I would rather go and get professional help instead of posting about it here, but I can't even do that because I am completely overwhelmed with the insurance BS. That's kind of ridiculous, that something like that would get in the way of getting help for that sort of thing, but that's the truth.

I'm not calling a hotline - that won't do any good. I need to get treatment for my social anxiety but I can't seem to find a CBT group specifically for anxiety that accepts my insurance (and it's more complicated than that).

I just feel so overwhelmed by EVERYTHING right now, and so hopeless, that I am sitting here and fighting the urge to just pack a bag and use the last bit of money I have and run away. But to where? There's nowhere to go. So... my mind turns to a more permanent escape that doesn't involve having to worry about anything ever again, but I don't really want to die of course, and I'm too afraid. I just don't know what to do. I can't even makes sense out of anything right now. I have to get a job for the summer and I am DREADING it because I know I will be anxious and based on experience it may make me very unhappy to have to be there every day, and I'm terrified of people making comments about how young I look (I have to accept it somehow but it still bothers me, and I'm too afraid to be assertive most of the time which makes me bitter and that is torture). I feel sick, why why why do I have to deal with this, WHY. Is there any solution, any hope at all? Is there?

It always comes down to MONEY. I don't have the money to go to Nevada to do the Social Anxiety Institute treatment program. I don't have the money for good insurance, or to pay out of pocket for treatment. No money = no help in this case, and no help = don't get better, and don't get better = depression and suicidal ideation, which leads to... either just existing in misery most of the time or attempting suicide and messing myself up and then being even more miserable and full of regret or being successful at it and then I'm gone. Yeah...

Am I allowed to say this without feeling guilty or being accused of being dramatic or ungrateful? I just want to say that right now I REALLY REALLY HATE MY LIFE, I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE A HOUSE AND RUNNING WATER AND FOOD, I HATE MY LIFE AND I'D RATHER A POOR STARVING PERSON HAVE MY LIFE, SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE IT, BECAUSE I DON'T ****ING WANT IT.
 
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J

jc972

1
Opaline said:
I'm not saying this to be dramatic, but I really feel like I want to kill myself. I would rather go and get professional help instead of posting about it here, but I can't even do that because I am completely overwhelmed with the insurance BS. That's kind of ridiculous, that something like that would get in the way of getting help for that sort of thing, but that's the truth.

I'm not calling a hotline - that won't do any good. I need to get treatment for my social anxiety but I can't seem to find a CBT group specifically for anxiety that accepts my insurance (and it's more complicated than that).

I just feel so overwhelmed by EVERYTHING right now, and so hopeless, that I am sitting here and fighting the urge to just pack a bag and use the last bit of money I have and run away. But to where? There's nowhere to go. So... my mind turns to a more permanent escape that doesn't involve having to worry about anything ever again, but I don't really want to die of course, and I'm too afraid. I just don't know what to do. I can't even makes sense out of anything right now. I have to get a job for the summer and I am DREADING it because I know I will be anxious and based on experience it may make me very unhappy to have to be there every day, and I'm terrified of people making comments about how young I look (I have to accept it somehow but it still bothers me, and I'm too afraid to be assertive most of the time which makes me bitter and that is torture). I feel sick, why why why do I have to deal with this, WHY. Is there any solution, any hope at all? Is there?

It always comes down to MONEY. I don't have the money to go to Nevada to do the Social Anxiety Institute treatment program. I don't have the money for good insurance, or to pay out of pocket for treatment. No money = no help in this case, and no help = don't get better, and don't get better = depression and suicidal ideation, which leads to... either just existing in misery most of the time or attempting suicide and messing myself up and then being even more miserable and full of regret or being successful at it and then I'm gone. Yeah...

Am I allowed to say this without feeling guilty or being accused of being dramatic or ungrateful? I just want to say that right now I REALLY REALLY HATE MY LIFE, I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE A HOUSE AND RUNNING WATER AND FOOD, I HATE MY LIFE AND I'D RATHER A POOR STARVING PERSON HAVE MY LIFE, SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE IT, BECAUSE I DON'T ****ING WANT IT.
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I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm up if you want to talk. You sound really stressed.
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
jc972 said:
I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm up if you want to talk. You sound really stressed.
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Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't know what I would say except for what I've already said. I just hope there's a light somewhere in all this. Someday. I don't see how some of us here can spend our lives feeling like this. It's like having been condemned to hell, at least mentally. So much of human life involves interacting with other human beings, so if you're terrified of them, what kind of life will you have? An awful one. It's insane that we should be so afraid of our fellow creatures.

Anyway I'm rambling. Thanks again for the offer jc.
 
J

jc972

1
Opaline said:
Thanks, I appreciate it. I don't know what I would say except for what I've already said. I just hope there's a light somewhere in all this. Someday. I don't see how some of us here can spend our lives feeling like this. It's like having been condemned to hell, at least mentally. So much of human life involves interacting with other human beings, so if you're terrified of them, what kind of life will you have? An awful one. It's insane that we should be so afraid of our fellow creatures.

Anyway I'm rambling. Thanks again for the offer jc.
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There's a light. It's just that sometimes ya gotta turn off all the lights so it's pitch black dark so you can see the one that's still shining for you. Like when you're standing in the woods at night with a flashlight you cant see any other lights sometimes until you turn your flashlight off, then you see the lightning bugs :)
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
Opaline said:
I'm not saying this to be dramatic, but I really feel like I want to kill myself. I would rather go and get professional help instead of posting about it here, but I can't even do that because I am completely overwhelmed with the insurance BS. That's kind of ridiculous, that something like that would get in the way of getting help for that sort of thing, but that's the truth.

I'm not calling a hotline - that won't do any good. I need to get treatment for my social anxiety but I can't seem to find a CBT group specifically for anxiety that accepts my insurance (and it's more complicated than that).

I just feel so overwhelmed by EVERYTHING right now, and so hopeless, that I am sitting here and fighting the urge to just pack a bag and use the last bit of money I have and run away. But to where? There's nowhere to go. So... my mind turns to a more permanent escape that doesn't involve having to worry about anything ever again, but I don't really want to die of course, and I'm too afraid. I just don't know what to do. I can't even makes sense out of anything right now. I have to get a job for the summer and I am DREADING it because I know I will be anxious and based on experience it may make me very unhappy to have to be there every day, and I'm terrified of people making comments about how young I look (I have to accept it somehow but it still bothers me, and I'm too afraid to be assertive most of the time which makes me bitter and that is torture). I feel sick, why why why do I have to deal with this, WHY. Is there any solution, any hope at all? Is there?

It always comes down to MONEY. I don't have the money to go to Nevada to do the Social Anxiety Institute treatment program. I don't have the money for good insurance, or to pay out of pocket for treatment. No money = no help in this case, and no help = don't get better, and don't get better = depression and suicidal ideation, which leads to... either just existing in misery most of the time or attempting suicide and messing myself up and then being even more miserable and full of regret or being successful at it and then I'm gone. Yeah...

Am I allowed to say this without feeling guilty or being accused of being dramatic or ungrateful? I just want to say that right now I REALLY REALLY HATE MY LIFE, I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE A HOUSE AND RUNNING WATER AND FOOD, I HATE MY LIFE AND I'D RATHER A POOR STARVING PERSON HAVE MY LIFE, SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE IT, BECAUSE I DON'T ****ING WANT IT.
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If it's any consolation, I like you a lot. Hit me up here or on Viber for chats.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
^ Opaline, I hope you can ride this storm out, good things will happen if you ride it out. Like talking to your new friend again. It is possible to win sometimes with this illness, and to keep fighting if only show anxiety how much you hate it. Take that anxiety.
 
hoddesdon

hoddesdon

Well-known member
Opaline said:
I'm not saying this to be dramatic, but I really feel like I want to kill myself. I would rather go and get professional help instead of posting about it here, but I can't even do that because I am completely overwhelmed with the insurance BS. That's kind of ridiculous, that something like that would get in the way of getting help for that sort of thing, but that's the truth.

I'm not calling a hotline - that won't do any good. I need to get treatment for my social anxiety but I can't seem to find a CBT group specifically for anxiety that accepts my insurance (and it's more complicated than that).

I just feel so overwhelmed by EVERYTHING right now, and so hopeless, that I am sitting here and fighting the urge to just pack a bag and use the last bit of money I have and run away. But to where? There's nowhere to go. So... my mind turns to a more permanent escape that doesn't involve having to worry about anything ever again, but I don't really want to die of course, and I'm too afraid. I just don't know what to do. I can't even makes sense out of anything right now. I have to get a job for the summer and I am DREADING it because I know I will be anxious and based on experience it may make me very unhappy to have to be there every day, and I'm terrified of people making comments about how young I look (I have to accept it somehow but it still bothers me, and I'm too afraid to be assertive most of the time which makes me bitter and that is torture). I feel sick, why why why do I have to deal with this, WHY. Is there any solution, any hope at all? Is there?

It always comes down to MONEY. I don't have the money to go to Nevada to do the Social Anxiety Institute treatment program. I don't have the money for good insurance, or to pay out of pocket for treatment. No money = no help in this case, and no help = don't get better, and don't get better = depression and suicidal ideation, which leads to... either just existing in misery most of the time or attempting suicide and messing myself up and then being even more miserable and full of regret or being successful at it and then I'm gone. Yeah...

Am I allowed to say this without feeling guilty or being accused of being dramatic or ungrateful? I just want to say that right now I REALLY REALLY HATE MY LIFE, I HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT I DON'T CARE IF I HAVE A HOUSE AND RUNNING WATER AND FOOD, I HATE MY LIFE AND I'D RATHER A POOR STARVING PERSON HAVE MY LIFE, SOMEONE WHO WOULD BE HAPPY TO HAVE IT, BECAUSE I DON'T ****ING WANT IT.
Click to expand...

Have you tried Drexel University? : http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/free-internet-self-help-study-for-social-anxiety-49522/?

It is free, and the course can be done remotely.
 
anomicdeer

anomicdeer

Well-known member
It's really ****ing annoying how my ex keeps trying to talk to me. Like wasn't I the problem? Why do you still want to deal with me? It's ****ing annoying. He keeps talk to me on Facebook trying to have conversations and crap. Like I don't ****ing care! Just like you didn't when I was there. You didn't give a shit about some raw honey when I was there now you want to thank me for leaving it behind. You you now gf probably made you try it or something. Seriously, I don't give a shit if you have a new phone! I don't ****ing care about you! You are ****ing self centered and as long as you leave me alone, I'll stop holding the grudge. Everything so so perfect with you now that you have a NEW gf... Okay, leave me alone!!!
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
Kiwong said:
^ Opaline, I hope you can ride this storm out, good things will happen if you ride it out. Like talking to your new friend again. It is possible to win sometimes with this illness, and to keep fighting if only show anxiety how much you hate it. Take that anxiety.
Click to expand...

MikeyC said:
If it's any consolation, I like you a lot. Hit me up here or on Viber for chats.
Click to expand...

Thank you.

hoddesdon said:
Have you tried Drexel University? : http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/free-internet-self-help-study-for-social-anxiety-49522/?

It is free, and the course can be done remotely.
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That's an old thread, though, and there's no information about it other than an email you can contact...

Edit: There's actually some information about it on their website, so I sent an email to see if the program is still running. Thanks. If it is, that may be very helpful considering it's free, haha. They have free in-person treatment, too, too bad I don't live in Pennsylvania anymore. Figures.
 
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anomicdeer

anomicdeer

Well-known member
To be effing honest, my grandmother is so effing ignorant. I dont't give a shot what anyone says. Free loafing, and nasty mouthed. Ugh.
 
hoddesdon

hoddesdon

Well-known member
Opaline said:
Thank you.



That's an old thread, though, and there's no information about it other than an email you can contact...

Edit: There's actually some information about it on their website, so I sent an email to see if the program is still running. Thanks. If it is, that may be very helpful considering it's free, haha. They have free in-person treatment, too, too bad I don't live in Pennsylvania anymore. Figures.
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Do you know anyone in Pennsylvania with whom you could stay temporarily (?)
 
outofthisworld

outofthisworld

Well-known member
...what if the universe is all a loop, there is no end, we are the edge of the universe, every kind of living being is an evolution, everything we discover everyday is the evolution of the world, everything that happens is random, spirits, ghosts, magic is all an evolution, there is something even even bigger after ghost that they also don't understand...
 
takeheart

takeheart

Well-known member
So today is the last day of March. Wow! time is really flying. I remember New year's day like it was yesterday. 2014 is going quick isn't it.
 
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