Victims!

[LilMissTragic]

When will you all realise you are NOT victims...though some of you are making out that you are. Ok, so you have SP, so do I but what I have been seeing a lot of is negative people unwilling to seek help and just sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. I know this sounds harsh and it is but I have been a member of this forum for less than 3 months and all I keep coming across is people that have had SP for years and are still locking themselves in thier rooms too afraid to, or unwilling, to change thier circumstances. Dont go telling me "It aint that easy", because it is. Ok, so your not going to change into a super confident person but you can change your ways of thinking.
I myself have had SP for 18 years and yeh at the beginning I was depressive and anxious, I soon got bored of that though. Although I am still not very good around people I am getting out there and trying, I do near enough everything I want and need to do.
I did it without medication and without medical help and I'm sure if I can overcome it that way then I'm sure as hell more of you could. The only person that i've seen make true progress on here is Abby. I'll be glad to read more stories like hers. I just wish you lot wouldn't make out that SP is the end of the world, cause its far from it.

 

[-Jp]

hmm, i agree, that's what i saw when i first joined this forum. but i now just look over those posts.
people need to realize that they're the only one that can solve their problems, feeling sorry about yourself and crying to other people about it won't change a thing. yes life it not fair. learn to live with it. just because life isn't fair doesn't mean u can't have one.
things that happened in the past shouldn't influence your prestent actions, i know that's easyer said then done but at least try and make the effort to change yourself, not your personality but your thoughts and beliefs about the world around you and yourself. we all have this and when we take the effort to change this we will see results.

 

[wistful_dementia]

Dont go telling me "It aint that easy", because it is. Ok, so your not going to change into a super confident person but you can change your ways of thinking.
I myself have had SP for 18 years and yeh at the beginning I was depressive and anxious, I soon got bored of that though. Although I am still not very good around people I am getting out there and trying, I do near enough everything I want and need to do.
I did it without medication and without medical help and I'm sure if I can overcome it that way then I'm sure as hell more of you could. The only person that i've seen make true progress on here is Abby. I'll be glad to read more stories like hers. I just wish you lot wouldn't make out that SP is the end of the world, cause its far from it.

I agree with you post as a whole, but as far as ''it ain't that easy' because it is" bs- it is very,very hard for me, but that isn't going to stop me from trying to get better. And medication is a personal choice- just because something isn't right for you doesn't mean that it isn't approriate for everyone. You are thinking in very absolute terms. Some people will have a harder time with their condition, but that doesn't mean that they should go on and on using their misery as an excuse not to improve themselves.

Abby's story is inspirational and I am truly proud. As far as myself, I am making progress and see hope, that is what matters to me. I can relate to other people seeing it as the end of the world, especially if they are unable to maintain relationships or make new ones or are unable to carry on jobs. All I can say to them is that it's not hopeless and they need to get help or help themselves regardless of how weak or hopeless they feel. Stop awefullizing and dramticizing bad experiences on a daily basis is a good point though- if you get rejected or have a negative experience it is truly not the end of the world, etc.

 

[wistful_dementia]

people need to realize that they're the only one that can solve their problems, feeling sorry about yourself and crying to other people about it won't change a thing. yes life it not fair. learn to live with it. just because life isn't fair doesn't mean u can't have one.
things that happened in the past shouldn't influence your prestent actions, i know that's easyer said then done but at least try and make the effort to change yourself, not your personality but your thoughts and beliefs about the world around you and yourself. we all have this and when we take the effort to change this we will see results.

I agree, ultimately we are the only ones who can solve our problems.I agree- we can't go on blaming our past and using it as an excuse not to change. I totally agree with the rest of your post also.

 

[LilMissTragic]

When I said dont say its not easy, I was referring to the getting help part of the situation. Help is out there. Also I wasn't making a point about NOT taking medication, I was saying that if I can do it without medication then everyone could do it regardless of taking medication or not. I know a lot of people rely on medication to take the edge off things but some also rely a little too much on that medication, some even hoping its a cure.

Anyways, lets all remember that SP isn't the be all and end all. Hopefully we will be reading more and more inspirational stories.

 

[wistful_dementia]

ookee-doke. That's cool. Everthing you said makes sense- thanks. I just sometimes get a little skeptical when someone says 'if I can do something' then everyone else can. I guess the only way to know that is (for the person you are talking to) to crawl inside of your skin and experience your thoughts and emotions. But, I respect your opinion anyways, I truly don't personally know your own experiences. You may be right regardless. Oh yeah, I also feel that medication isn't a cure. It only mask your problems. Like everyone has said, we need to also work on changing the way that we think, percieve, and respond to the world.

 

[Michelob512]

Here's an inspirational story: I'm in high school and have had SA for years. This year it had been really kicking my butt and I shifted between hiding, bursts of anger, and deep depression. Then a week ago I ran across this site: www.emofree.com and since then I've been clearing up my SA at an astonishing pace. I see myself being completely cured (not just able to tolerate social situations, but to relish them). My SA has no chance against the EFT techniques I learned on that site. I've already make a couple posts about the website and EFT, but noone seems to care. So from now on I'm going to post it over and over again until people start listening.

 

[Anonymous]

don't bother- we can make up our own minds... we don't need constant harrassing solicitations.

 

[Nital]

I agree with what you're saying, that you are responsible to get help for yourself, but I don't think that has to be the point of these forums. For a lot of people it just feels good to vent their feelings and tell someone else, and this is probably one of the easiest ways. I like to read about other people's problems because it gives me comfort to know that some people out there are dealing with the same issues I am, and even that some people have it way worse.

 

[Panacea]

Don't knock the meds. I've been my best at dealing with SA while I was on birth control pills- trust me, I'm practically an expert at what hormones can and can't do to a person. I've run the gamut of altered hormone states thanks to certain health conditions I have & their treatments. Hormones are nasty things and can drive you mad.

 

[-Jp]

some people here do seem to do self pity a lot but..we dont know how bad life is for them so....its kinda harsh to judge..

that's how i felt when writing my reply, sorry if i offended anyone.
it's just that there is so much knowledge out there to work with and some people seem to live in their own little world and not paying attention to those recourses. if people were trying and having a trouble to make it work for them, that's perfectly normal. but to me it seems that some people do not work with those recources before they post here and tell us how miserable they are. if that would be the case i think we could help eachother better with positive experiences and discussing helpfull strategies for overcomming sa.

 

[kody]

*agrees with Jp

 

[-Jp]

Here's an inspirational story: I'm in high school and have had SA for years. This year it had been really kicking my butt and I shifted between hiding, bursts of anger, and deep depression. Then a week ago I ran across this site: www.emofree.com and since then I've been clearing up my SA at an astonishing pace. I see myself being completely cured (not just able to tolerate social situations, but to relish them). My SA has no chance against the EFT techniques I learned on that site. I've already make a couple posts about the website and EFT, but noone seems to care. So from now on I'm going to post it over and over again until people start listening.

i have read the manual untill "EFT on a page"
i don't think it's total bullshit but i don't have any hopes for it to work
my mother is kind of in to that stuff so i'll give it a chance.

 

[cody2468]

Some peoples SA is worse than others and it does take people longer than others to get help. I have had it since I was 13 and I am 36 now, but have only just found out about it, you can't expect me to overcome the last 23 years in just 3 months like you did. I am not on medication and don't intend to go on any and have been trying to work on my SA. Have made some progress but it will take me a very long time.

I have been living in complete isolation for the last 10 years and apart from work I wouldn't have any contact with no one at all, this will take time to overcome. I live in a place which is an oversized country town with a population of just under 100 000 people. I have looked for support groups, help from counsellors or someone who knows something about social anxiety to help me on my way but there isnt much around.

I have never thought of myself as a victim and I am aware it has got alot to do with negative thinking and low self esteem but what do you do when you have got practically no social skills, very very shy and introverted and have got a bad case of SA as well, you do need to get some help in overcoming it but how when you can't find any. Spoke to my DR and she just wanted to put me on medication. I dislike medication and feel that it doesn't help with the actual problem just makes you feel less anxious but it wont go away unless you work on it.

I agree people need to realise that the only people who can help you and change the way you think is yourself. You need to be your own best friend, you can't expect to make friends until you are able to be a friend to yourself first. I will tell you that it is easier said than done especially as I have been a loner since I was 13 and haven't had a friend since and my closet family lives over 3000 kms away. I AM NOT A VICTIM, JUST REALLY LONELY WITH A BAD CASE OF SA TRYING TO GET A LIFE. Sorry if it isnt happening fast enough.

 

[LilMissTragic]

FFS, I should have known everyone would take what i said in the wrong context. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, I'm not suggesting meds are bad, I'm not suggesting your all something your not. What I am suggesting though is that SOME poeple on here consider themselves victims of an illness yet do absolutly nothing about it. If your physically ill then you take yourself off to the doctors. I've come across a lot of people on here too afraid to do that and I just wanted them to know that it can be done, it takes time but some people just cant help themselves as they have no idea how to. As I said before, SP is not the end of the world, though it can feel that way. There is help for everyone if you cant do it by yourself, theres always someone out there that can be of help.
I never said I overcame it in 3 months either, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression, I'm GETTING over it, I'll never be a very social person but then again I dont think anyone thats had SP is suddenly going to be the overly confident.
Ok, so maybe you think my SP wasn't so bad in the first place but let me put you straight on that too, I do not want sympathy and i dont need kind words, Its all in the past now, i just want to tell my story so you can get an insight of where my SP MIGHT have come from. I was a very shy child that couldn't communicate very well. I saw a lot of things a child shouldnt have. I've seen my mum beaten to a pulp, I've watched several of my family go through slow illness and tragic deaths. Through all this I didnt get much schooling so there fore never really made that many friends. I've watched my mum suffer from depression and nervous breakdowns and even seen her stab my ex step father after he beat her for the last time....he wasn't too badly hurt. When i was 13 my mum and i moved back with my real dad only for everything to start up again, he beat her when they were togther and it all started up once we moved in with him. I was told I was stupid, that I'd never amount to anything. I started a new school where I was emotionally bullied by most of them there. Told day in and day out how ugly I am an how useless I am and how I'd be better off dead. I withdrew from the world and spent most of my days locked in my bedroom with nothing but my pet rats for company. I then met someone i thought was like me at school, she was also bullied and I thought I found a kindred spirit, turns out she wanted to make me feel like crap so that she could feel better, I didn't see it at the time, she put me down and laughed behind my back with some girls she got friendly with. Again I was back in my room, deep in depression, thinking I was the only one. I have grown up feeling ugly and useless. Even when I got with my first bf, whom i knew from school (he was also bullied there) I had no self worth. He told me til he was blue in the face how lovely i was but ya know what its like, ya just cant beleive it. I stayed in that relationshop for 10 years, I didn't really love him towards the end but I stayed cause i was scared. finally though something clicked and I ended it as it wasnt fair on him. Now, i have a great fiance, who I love dearly and for the first time in many years I know what it feels like to be happy. I have been forcing myself to do things. I'm doing pretty damn well...ok, maybe it helps that i have someone that is willing to help me through this. I wish you all had someone as i'm sure it does make things that bit easier.
I think I got bored of being trapped by SP, theres only so much you can take before you snap...thankfully my snap made me force myself to do stuff...though i'm sure for some people it could go the other way. I've known people to take thier own lives through this, sadly.
Anyways, i'm tired, i'm a little fed up of people getting the wrong impression and i'm dissapointed that a certain person on here took what I said as an insult when it wasn't. Anyways, I hope ya all start to enjoy your life...you only have one after all. I probably wont be back but I wish you all well. Take care, hugs to you all.

 

[Anonymous]

Little Miss..... I know exactly how you feel! You TRY to help, to get people motivated and moving and they twisit EVERYTHING & attack! I know it's the phobias, but it IS FRUSTATING! It's as if everyone is has defense arrows they are just hoping and wishing for the opportunity to shoot!

I hope you still come around, I think you are a huge asset to the forum despite the arrows.

I'm the person that gave you the brownie reciepe awhile back to try for your finance.

At any rate--- best wishes to you Lil' Miss, and very best Christmas wishes to you in case I don't come back! (((((lil' miss)))))

 

[wistful_dementia]

Sorry, to hear all that you have been through LilMiss. I'm not going to spell out all of my life story, but, I too as many other people here have been victims of abuse or seen others including those whom I care for abused. That really sucks, but I personally don't blame my SA on abuse alone. No, I'm not saying that is the entirity of your message.

I've felt that there is more to this problem (at least for me and many others) than abuse alone. Yes, I know alot of people don't want to hear it, because we don't like to feel that we are predetermined in anyway or that we have hope by changing our attitudes alone, but because of the severity of my problem I believe that this is in part biological for me. It isn't for everyone of course, and I think that is wonderful, they can change just by changing their attitudes. I too tried to kill myself when I was 19 because of the depression resulting from my SA. Since, then I have rid myself of the depression. I still get down from time to time but nothing like I did in the past. That depression was purely a product of my thinking- I have conquered that. But, I still haven't managed to deal completely with my excessive shyness and anxiety. I have made great progress. And like I said before- it takes time, but our brains chemistry can be changed over the long term through seeing things realistically and rationally.

Wish you well. Take care.

PS- I agree some people here do see themselves as helpless victims. Not all of course, but some. I think people have a personal responsibility to do something about their problem. But of course it is ok to use this site as a tool to vent and express as long as you don't become an addict who refuses to help him or herself. Geez... so much gloom and doom here...

 

[Michelob512]

don't bother- we can make up our own minds... we don't need constant harrassing solicitations.

Maybe you do need a little harrassment. You can make up your own minds, but every decision you make is biased. I'm just urging you in the right direction. Just because EFT isn't conventional doesn't mean it wont work. I'm surprised at the negativity and lack of will power from the people here. Ever since I realized I had SA, I've been trying everything to try to help myself- and now I've found something that works for me and many others. You should keep an open mind and try everything, especially something so easy to learn like EFT.

 

[LilMissTragic]

Hey RECIPEGUEST, The recipe was much appreciated. I'll save you some next time I make them....if i dont eat them all first that is

Merry christmas to you too and to all of you. Hope next year proves better.

 

[MRnomates]

I really don't know what to write maybe i should say nothing yes thats the best idea.