I have been working so hard of late to desensitise my insecurities and perceived flaws - which I have worried so much about because I believe people judged me extremely negatively if they see these things.
But I have just realised one of the key things that needs to be put back into reality, into perspective and understood is 'What does it matter what others think of us?' Have you ever really thought about how stupid this worry is? If you found out that someone thinks we are weird or strange or stupid or ugly or anything negative just for being ourselves and how we have acted - what would you think of that person who was being critical of us? We wouldn't like them, we wouldn't want to give them time of day, they are not worth thinking about, they definitely aren't worth us spend time feeling unhappy by what they think. The only people we should ever allow to upset us are people that matter and are worth having feelings for.
And then the people who don't think bad of us - there is no need to worry what they think of us, they don't think bad so no need to worry. So what purpose does worrying what people of us achieve?
And not only that but what good does worrying achieve? If you know you are a good person and treat people well - then that is a fantastic quality that people will like - so we should just be ourselves. Worrying only causes us to lose that quality by going into our shell, being self conscious, self aware, anxious to what others think, etc - its a destructive behaviour that also causes us to feel somewhat unwell.
If you found out that where you work there is someone who is worried about what you think of them what would you think? Well I would think what, that is silly, I don't think bad of people. I would also wonder if that person fancies me to think that way. But I don't fancy all these people who I seem to worry about. So again - its a ridiculous fear/worry, its all out of perspective.
Nobody else I seem to see worries excessively about what people think of them, which suggests my fears are wrong and inaccurate - and that my fear is just something I have developed in my mind as a big issue, when in reality it doesn't need to be.
Another reason why this worry is so irrational is that we seem to live our lives with this fear of being judged negatively, we avoid people and situations where we may put ourselves in 'danger' of being judged negatively. But two things - what is the danger and we have the right to do whatever we wish to (as long as its legal) and we are waiving that right away because of others, they shouldn't be able to have that effect on us. If you found out someone restricts what they do in life because of you, well you would think its ridiculous.
And what is this danger? So we may be judged negatively - all that is, is people's thoughts, one person's thoughts. What bad is going to happen because we have been judged negatively? I think bad of people who are shallow, who are rude, who are rough, who are arrogant. Do my thoughts have any impact on them? No - my thoughts on them don't matter to them because not only are they in my mind, but they are just thoughts, thoughts that I don't dwell on, thoughts that only me myself think, others may not. Thoughts are not going to be broadcasted to every single person in the world and we will face ridicule over it. And so what if we do get judged negatively, does it really matter? Do we really care what that person thinks, they are stupid for being pathetic of thinking negatively about someone who is a good person. If someone thought bad of us for anything last week - what do they matter today?
How do we know if someone thinks negative of us? Again we don't know. Again its ridiculous to worry that we are being judged negatively because we don't know what people think. In fact, most people probably don't even notice us - the only people you really notice are those you think of in a positive light - people you think are nice people, friendly, attractive, etc. I don't think about the people I have seen who are rude, miserable, boring, etc, and I am sure others don't either.
Another reason not to worry - everyone is different, we are all human. No one is perfect and people themselves know they are not perfect and don't expect everyone else to be perfect. We seem to be worried that we won't live up to standard, but what exactly is standard, we are human - we are not robots who have a defective part which we think makes us a reject. No human is a reject because there is no one standard model, we are all unique and all should think of ourselves as equal to everyone because that is what we are, we just seem to struggle to understand it.
I know right now you will still worry in the next awkward social situation, but that is because our beliefs of what people think of us still feel so real and true - which is why we need to keep believing and understanding the reality of why we really should not worry what people think of us. I have been SA free up until the age of 13 - when I was bullied, ridiculed, called names, insulted, etc - on a daily basis at high school - and when I was SA free I didn't spend any time worrying what anyone thought of me, I just acted as me! In order to be SA free one of the things we must realise is that we have to understand and believe that what people think of us does not matter - we should be ourselves and if people like us for who we are then great, if they don't well they can do one!
How would you feel in social situations if you had a mindset that it didn't matter what the person we are interacting with thinks of us. Bear in mind that we know how to treat people well and always will do so this is not going to make us act like insensitive jerks as we don't care what people think of us. If you had a mindset that you don't care what people think of you - you are going to be your nice friendly self - then would you feel anxious around people? I don't think it could be possible - because our fears are all related to what people think of us.
I think to understand this is simply to write lists for and against why this matters and just keep seeing the evidence, believing the reality of things and understanding how wrong our existing beliefs are - because they are exaggerated, negative and biased.
Must end there, hope I get a reply or two.
But I have just realised one of the key things that needs to be put back into reality, into perspective and understood is 'What does it matter what others think of us?' Have you ever really thought about how stupid this worry is? If you found out that someone thinks we are weird or strange or stupid or ugly or anything negative just for being ourselves and how we have acted - what would you think of that person who was being critical of us? We wouldn't like them, we wouldn't want to give them time of day, they are not worth thinking about, they definitely aren't worth us spend time feeling unhappy by what they think. The only people we should ever allow to upset us are people that matter and are worth having feelings for.
And then the people who don't think bad of us - there is no need to worry what they think of us, they don't think bad so no need to worry. So what purpose does worrying what people of us achieve?
And not only that but what good does worrying achieve? If you know you are a good person and treat people well - then that is a fantastic quality that people will like - so we should just be ourselves. Worrying only causes us to lose that quality by going into our shell, being self conscious, self aware, anxious to what others think, etc - its a destructive behaviour that also causes us to feel somewhat unwell.
If you found out that where you work there is someone who is worried about what you think of them what would you think? Well I would think what, that is silly, I don't think bad of people. I would also wonder if that person fancies me to think that way. But I don't fancy all these people who I seem to worry about. So again - its a ridiculous fear/worry, its all out of perspective.
Nobody else I seem to see worries excessively about what people think of them, which suggests my fears are wrong and inaccurate - and that my fear is just something I have developed in my mind as a big issue, when in reality it doesn't need to be.
Another reason why this worry is so irrational is that we seem to live our lives with this fear of being judged negatively, we avoid people and situations where we may put ourselves in 'danger' of being judged negatively. But two things - what is the danger and we have the right to do whatever we wish to (as long as its legal) and we are waiving that right away because of others, they shouldn't be able to have that effect on us. If you found out someone restricts what they do in life because of you, well you would think its ridiculous.
And what is this danger? So we may be judged negatively - all that is, is people's thoughts, one person's thoughts. What bad is going to happen because we have been judged negatively? I think bad of people who are shallow, who are rude, who are rough, who are arrogant. Do my thoughts have any impact on them? No - my thoughts on them don't matter to them because not only are they in my mind, but they are just thoughts, thoughts that I don't dwell on, thoughts that only me myself think, others may not. Thoughts are not going to be broadcasted to every single person in the world and we will face ridicule over it. And so what if we do get judged negatively, does it really matter? Do we really care what that person thinks, they are stupid for being pathetic of thinking negatively about someone who is a good person. If someone thought bad of us for anything last week - what do they matter today?
How do we know if someone thinks negative of us? Again we don't know. Again its ridiculous to worry that we are being judged negatively because we don't know what people think. In fact, most people probably don't even notice us - the only people you really notice are those you think of in a positive light - people you think are nice people, friendly, attractive, etc. I don't think about the people I have seen who are rude, miserable, boring, etc, and I am sure others don't either.
Another reason not to worry - everyone is different, we are all human. No one is perfect and people themselves know they are not perfect and don't expect everyone else to be perfect. We seem to be worried that we won't live up to standard, but what exactly is standard, we are human - we are not robots who have a defective part which we think makes us a reject. No human is a reject because there is no one standard model, we are all unique and all should think of ourselves as equal to everyone because that is what we are, we just seem to struggle to understand it.
I know right now you will still worry in the next awkward social situation, but that is because our beliefs of what people think of us still feel so real and true - which is why we need to keep believing and understanding the reality of why we really should not worry what people think of us. I have been SA free up until the age of 13 - when I was bullied, ridiculed, called names, insulted, etc - on a daily basis at high school - and when I was SA free I didn't spend any time worrying what anyone thought of me, I just acted as me! In order to be SA free one of the things we must realise is that we have to understand and believe that what people think of us does not matter - we should be ourselves and if people like us for who we are then great, if they don't well they can do one!
How would you feel in social situations if you had a mindset that it didn't matter what the person we are interacting with thinks of us. Bear in mind that we know how to treat people well and always will do so this is not going to make us act like insensitive jerks as we don't care what people think of us. If you had a mindset that you don't care what people think of you - you are going to be your nice friendly self - then would you feel anxious around people? I don't think it could be possible - because our fears are all related to what people think of us.
I think to understand this is simply to write lists for and against why this matters and just keep seeing the evidence, believing the reality of things and understanding how wrong our existing beliefs are - because they are exaggerated, negative and biased.
Must end there, hope I get a reply or two.