liking someone just because they like you

[alex29]

if youre like me, youre way too shy for many people to crush on you, ask you out, etc etc. it doesn't happen often and when it does it's a big deal.

have you ever found yourself more attracted to someone after finding out they are interested in you? do you think by being so eager to accept this you arent being genuine in your feelings?

 

[Butterflies]

Maybe when you find out that someone likes you - you just look at them a little more closely than before - and maybe you like what you see.

That's ok isn't it?

 

[silentbutdeadly]

I also have been more attracted to people after finding out that they like me. I think this is probably pretty common for people with SA, since most of us have a strong fear of being judged. I think we do it because, when we find out about them liking us, part of our fear of being judged is taken away. Whereas with other people, we are less likely to feel attracted to them because we're afraid of being let down, afraid that they won't like us back.

do you think by being so eager to accept this you arent being genuine in your feelings?

Yes I definitely do feel like I'm not being genuine when that happens. But I try to imagine that the person didn't show interest in me, and ask myself if I would still be interested in them. But really, I think you/we might be overanalyzing this...I mean, if you started going out with someone, the novelty of their attraction to you would wear off after a while, wouldn't it? So, if the relationship lasts, then there is something real between you two. But I've never had a girlfriend so what do I know? :wink:

I suggest that you read one of those "Last Personal Stories" in the bottom left corner of the site, the one by Chris. At one point he talks (only briefly tho) about marrying the first woman that showed any interest in him, which ended in a divorce.

 

[alex29]

But really, I think you/we might be overanalyzing this...I mean, if you started going out with someone, the novelty of their attraction to you would wear off after a while, wouldn't it? So, if the relationship lasts, then there is something real between you two. But I've never had a girlfriend so what do I know? :wink:

I've never been with anyone either lol but I've never thought of it like that. thats a good way to put it.

I am overanalyzing it, but it's just something I've always wondered about. I don't want to think I'm fooling myself into liking someone just because I'm desperate.

the idea of me being in love with love instead of the person worries me sometimes.

 

[xSleepy]

i totally started likeing guys just because they liked me, lol. but not many. it just made me feel good about myself when someone thought i was hot or whatever, hehe. ok well there were a few guys who i guess liked me but i didnt like them back. most of the time i was flattered that they liked me but it doesnt meant i was interested in them too.
and also for me if some guy says he likes me or thinks im cute or whatever, most of the time i dont beleive them and i think they're just messing with me.
so i guess im not really the type to like somebody just because they like me....only on rare occasions lol.

 

[shynobody]

if they like you and you like them...why not? lol.

it just made me feel good about myself when someone thought i was hot or whatever, hehe.

youre hot?? lol j/k!!!!

umm...i'm not sure if some pple like me...they just act like it :?. i think they want me to like them but they dont really like me :? . does that count? lol. most arent really my type since they are out-going...but i think i wouldve like them anyway if i knew for sure they did cuz i'm soooo desparate lol . it does feel good that pple are interested in me even if i'm ugly as hell and over the hill. 8O

 

[xSleepy]

SHYNOBODY... lol, i dont know if im hot. i dont think i am . i dont think anyones actually called me "hot" before. But iv been told im prettyful haha. i guess thats nice. but i have been told before when i was younger that i needed a makeover, and that really hurt my feelings
And also, STOP STALKING ME!!!!!!...lol. only joking

 

[SocialRetahd]

you sound conceited.

 

[Danfalc22]

SHYNOBODY... lol, i dont know if im hot. i dont think i am .

Socialretahd.. thats really conceited isnt it :? .... if you actualy look up that word it means like having an over rated opinion of yaself,you have issues yourself over your appearence and stuff from what ive read from your posts so i cant understand why you keep sniping at people about stuff like this..stop trying to bring other people down because its making you sound bitter,jelous and like a stuck record.

 

[Danfalc22]

A few years ago if i found out someone was attracted to me.. or was intrested ect it would definatley make me like them.I just had/have that low self esteem in myself i didnt think its possible for anyone to like me let alone be atracted to me so yeah.this lead to alot of short term chaotic hurtfull relationships tho..

but was hard to avoid because when you think so low of yourself it is completley flattering and in the short term would give me alot of confidence back.. but id end up worse off and more depressed blaming myself when it didnt work out.A vicious circle and i swore i wouldnt let myself do it again untill i wasnt as ill.

Then a few years ago i met my current gf... and blam i had a feeling she liked me and i completley fell for her She had very simlar problems to myself so i did worry at first if she only liked me because i liked her and vice versa.But we took our time and didnt rush into anything... and like someone said the novelty will soon wear off if its not ment to be sorta thing.So yeah i think the way round it is to take things slow..be friends first ect

 

[shynobody]

SHYNOBODY... lol, i dont know if im hot. i dont think i am . i dont think anyones actually called me "hot" before. But iv been told im prettyful haha. i guess thats nice. but i have been told before when i was younger that i needed a makeover, and that really hurt my feelings
And also, STOP STALKING ME!!!!!!...lol. only joking

but but it's so much fun!!!! :twisted: :twisted: . how did you know i was stalking you anyway if i mentioned it in another thread?...who's stalking whom now?? . btw...another coincidence is i joined a week after you lol 8O. and look at our post count lol 8O. and your location is FUNNY!!! :lol:

well hot is over-rated anyway ...prettyful sounds better lol . that was an awful thing to say to you! :x...if you want...i can beat them up for ya ...even tho it happened when you were younger lol. tell them your stalker is after them :twisted:. dont let them get to you! that might have triggered you into getting SP?

 

[xSleepy]

hey SHYNOBODY....many things triggered me to have social anxiety. the whole needing a make over thing is just a small part of it.
and thanks for offering to kick there ass for me .....even though i have no idea where these people are now. it happend when i was in like 5th grade.

and also, it is very creepy that we have those things in common, lol. and i just realized right now that you said your from redlands and you reallyyyy do know where i work. thats crazy....im scared 8O . haha, no no its cool. it would be creepy if you knew my real name and my exact address and my home phone...that would REALLY freak me out then, lol. but like i said, im ok with it. just dont show up at my front door with flowers or something, lol

 

[shynobody]

just dont show up at my front door with flowers or something, lol

hey thanks for the great idea :twisted:...i can use that . hahah dont be scurred!...ima friendly stalker . dont worry...i dont know any of that stuff lol. but yeah it is weird huh? i'm sure you'll be sleeping with the lights on tonight :lol:.

and no problemo on the kicking pples ass...as long as it's just over the internet lol.

 

[apple85]

heh Ive had that experience before but it never bothered me whether the feelings were created just by the fact they liked me-all I knew was that it felt like they had "awakened" something within me and that it was no less genuine simply because I found out they liked me first. In fact it takes away a lot of the uncertainty, so maybe that partly made it attractive to me in the 1st place. But basically there are people who I could find out liked me and Id never return the feeling back, and those with whom I would - so obviously there has got to be something genuine there.