"The burden of life"

[ana0989]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to write about something that occurs to me very often.

Most of the time I find myself worrying about lots of things, I feel overwhelmed thinking about horrible events that might occur in a near future. For example, I use to worry a great deal about my health everytime I feel something strange in my body, like a pain I've never felt before or that is rare to me, and I start to freak out thinking that I could have a serious disease. I'm so afraid of suffering and pain that I can't even think about it. I think about death too and I can't bear it. This also happens regarding my parents, I don't want them to get sick, I don't want them to die. It's so horrible for me to note that anyone of them is not healthy enough. For example, my mum smokes quite much and I suffer a lot because I don't want her to get sick and the worst of all is that it is so difficult for me to tell her no to do it. I try to find ways to help her, but it's so hard because talking is not easy for me. The same happens with my dad at another aspects, he doesn't smoke but sometimes gets sick or he's not so well, and I suffer for that reason too. I'm so afraid of losing my parents, they represent my whole support in life, I don't know what I'll do without them. I can't actually imagine a life after them, I really can't. I feel that when they're gone, I'm gone too. I can't imagine living on my own and being ok. That's the truth. I wish it was different, but it's not. I hope this feeling change someday.
Sorry, I just wanted to unburden myself, that's all. However, I strongly believe in God and He's the one I hold on to. But I needed to express what it is in my heart.

 

[planemo]

I can relate to obsessing and worrying about stuff. Are your parents overprotective? That can lead to feelings of dependency and of course fear of leaving that comfort zone. While your parents are still alive you need to build confidence in your own ability to fend for yourself. You can start slowly by doing small tasks which rely only on yourself, and move on from there. You'll be surprised how much easier these tasks can be once you've taken the first step. Do you not have any other support besides your parents?

 

[ana0989]

Thank you very much for your answer planemo. After reading your response I' m a bit shocked by something you said, which I deeply knew but now it's like I can see it better: yes, they are overprotective, quite much. They have always been so, specially my mum. I know there are opposite cases, with kids not being cared for enough by their parents, but in my case I've been so overprotected (and so my brother and sister), I've always felt they were my shelter and that the world outside is a threaten, not because they did something for me to feel that, but because I've always felt like that ever since I can remember, for an unknown reason to me. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to get enthusiastic about living a life of my own, because I wouln't know how to do it, when most people of my age already live a life of their own. I've lived like a princess all my life and now I' ve got to face up to reality and it's so hard. Thank you for your advices, I'll try to put them into practice. God may help me to find my place in this world and to be happy. Thank you so much, God bless you

 

[ana0989]

Oh, and as for if I have any other support besides my parents, the answer is no, at least near. I don't know, I think of some cousins I have at another cities, aunts. But no one make me feel so secure like them. I don' t know, I think I'll have to strenghten the relationship with my sister and think of being a support for each other and also for my brother, who has a little maturation delay.