Social_Monstrosity
Well-known member
Because I know I have no chance with her.
Does anybody else get these thoughts?
Does anybody else get these thoughts?
Deep, lonely thoughts whenever I see a beautiful girl.
- Thread starter Social_Monstrosity
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no1
Banned
yep. it's simply heart wrenching. and in no way can you talk to a girl being in that mindstate... unless she's willing to put up with it..and chances are it seems like she wouldn't because ANY sort of desperation no matter what in this society is considered your own fault, and people who need help should never be helped because of this.
Did you ever think that your difficulties make you more attractive? Not everyone likes a bland guy with no mental complexity to him. You're probably tricky and a little edgy from dealing with things like SA. Trust me, quite a lot of girls enjoy the challenge of cracking a tough shell and really getting to know a guy. You just have to meet them halfway by putting yourself out there as best as you can.
What is this statement based on? While reasonable to assume that there are plenty of people - not just women in this romantic context - who prefer a good challenge for a change, it appears to be very different in my reality. Of all the women I met in real-life, not a single one felt in any way attracted to me. I am not particularly upset because of it, as I could not be a good partner to the overwhelming majority of women, anyway.
Nicholas
Well-known member
Yes. When I see a pretty girl, when I see happy couples, when I hear people talk about love and girlfriends, I get a weird feeling inside me. It kind of bothers me, because I get a bit sad or anxious. Because that represents what I have always wanted, and one of the things that I would love the most, but at the same time it's also something I know I can't have now, and what's worst is that I don't even know when I'll be able to have a girlfriend, and if that will actually happen at all. It's frustrating.
I know in my case it's caused by crappy self-esteem, social anxiety plus hyperhidrosis, and a feeling of being needy and feeling pressured. Gotta fix that, heh. I feel such a loser, lol. Damn it. :
:Klytus, these women you met - they were brief, superficial meetings, right? Well, no woman is going to base her attraction off of that (unless she's shallow and you happen to look like a supermodel). Has any female taken the time to really learn your intricacies? Maybe not. But the point is, if she got to that stage, she'd likely find a lot to like.
This has been my experience, that's what I'm basing my statements on. I used to cut off a lot of women in my younger years because I felt too inept. They would never get beyond the 'audition' stage because I thought (like you) that I had nothing to offer them. But once I became a little more aggressive, things got much better. I realized that I was the only one screwing myself over by being too shy, and that none of the women I was meeting were perfect. It's not like they're put-together and we're not. We're all screwed up in different ways. You just have to have the guts to take it all a bit further and hope that you can coexist and complement each other well enough for something good to happen - and for it to last.
This has been my experience, that's what I'm basing my statements on. I used to cut off a lot of women in my younger years because I felt too inept. They would never get beyond the 'audition' stage because I thought (like you) that I had nothing to offer them. But once I became a little more aggressive, things got much better. I realized that I was the only one screwing myself over by being too shy, and that none of the women I was meeting were perfect. It's not like they're put-together and we're not. We're all screwed up in different ways. You just have to have the guts to take it all a bit further and hope that you can coexist and complement each other well enough for something good to happen - and for it to last.
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Yeah its disapointing, but you gotta accept it.
How is she supposed to get to that stage? Our innate differences become apparent the moment the conversation arrives at sharing the interests. Of course, mine will fundamentally differ from hers in an entirely incompatible way. I am not saying that there is no woman who might share some of my interests, but it is rather unlikely we will ever meet and find each other attractive.
Perhaps I wasn't clear about this. Of course, I do have a lot to offer - but only to a very special kind of woman who might not even exist, or be for other reasons not interested in me.
Nicholas
Well-known member
That might be true, but I found it interesting and it got me thinking... I thought that... There seem to be a lot of girls that really appear to be perfect. They are so perfect, long shiny hair, tanned complexion, perfect makeup in every situation, always wearing nice clothes, not even a single hair in the wrong place, they never seem to sweat, they seem to have an amazing social life, they seem successful... For someone who has SA, low self-esteem, and crap like that, they are intimidating, they are negative thoughts enhancers. For some reason I see too many of them around, WAY too many around here, and they are good negative-thoughts starters in my head. I know, my fault, but I thought this was an interesting thing to mention.
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no1
Banned
I don't really like nor buy into the whole 'being more aggressive' with women outlook. that stuff could make you come out to be a creep.
sure just say "don't give up" but to be aggressive... is well.. excessive.
especially since I too tried being more aggressive and it hasn't gotten me anywhere.
maybe because I needed to be more of an ass, but that's something I won't do.
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Drummr
Active member
My best friend is dating what would probably have to be my "dream girl", or close to it. So its a constant reminder of what I can't have but he somehow can. I get this strange lonely feeling whenever all three of us are hanging out because they hold hands and hug and stuff, while I am standing there awkward and alone ::.
:.
freestylemonster
Banned
I don't see what's so offensive about it...If I had a girlfriend I'd like to show my affection for her all the time regardless if there are people around or not...You don't think lovers should be able to hold hands when they go for a walk because someone might see them and get jealous??
Ashiene
Well-known member
I don't think he meant 'aggressive', but 'assertive'. You have to have your own opinions and not do everything your girlfriend tells you, or cling to her like a child.
You should not appear desperate by following her every command. You need to know when to accept or decline, and show her that you are a tough shell that only she can crack, but let her know that it's going to take a lot of effort, and she will be spending a lot of time with you just to figure out a way to do that.
Do not appear interested in her (romantically) at first. Treat her like how you treat every other girl, so that you don't appear needy, but give subtle hints that you want more of her, but don't make it too obvious. Her instinct will draw her to you.
You don't have to like shopping just because she is a shopaholic. Instead, read up about fashion and suggest clothes for her, or when you accompany her to a shop, do not simply stand outside or wander off while she is in there trying out the outfits, but follow her in, take a look at the clothes on display, and offer meaningful tips on how she would look in some of them.
You must never change yourself completely just to get her attention or to get her to like you. The fakery is very obvious if you do that. You have to keep your own personality, because it is what will make a girl like you, but learn more about the things she likes, and show that you do care about her interests and not only your own.
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Lorraine Manca
Well-known member
I feel awkward. Im really sorry for butting into a guy conversation, but I've been room mates with those pretty girls you all talk about for the past four years. If you guys only knew how long they take in the bathroom!! They are flesh and bone and they fart too.
Maybe the otherside of the story would make it less intimidating? I hope so. If not, ignore me.
Most pretty girls don't know they are pretty. All of them think they are fat. There are very few exceptions to that from what I can tell. What I really want to tell you, is that there are tons of pretty girls who would never want to hurt your feelings. They worry and worry about doing it by accident all the time. If you think about that fact, it's easier than a friendship is.
I know everything is harder in practice than in theory. But its definately not impossible to date an attractive person, no matter who you are. the reason is they are insecure too. why else would they take three hours in the bathroom?
On the other hand, there's a smaller percentage of girls who dont care about a guys feelings. You know, cutting the relationship on and off, hot and cold. They want to eat your soul. You should run. Who wants that kind?
I'm sorry for rambling so much. Take comfort though. It is definately possible.
Maybe the otherside of the story would make it less intimidating? I hope so. If not, ignore me.
Most pretty girls don't know they are pretty. All of them think they are fat. There are very few exceptions to that from what I can tell. What I really want to tell you, is that there are tons of pretty girls who would never want to hurt your feelings. They worry and worry about doing it by accident all the time. If you think about that fact, it's easier than a friendship is.
I know everything is harder in practice than in theory. But its definately not impossible to date an attractive person, no matter who you are. the reason is they are insecure too. why else would they take three hours in the bathroom?
On the other hand, there's a smaller percentage of girls who dont care about a guys feelings. You know, cutting the relationship on and off, hot and cold. They want to eat your soul. You should run. Who wants that kind?
I'm sorry for rambling so much. Take comfort though. It is definately possible.
Ashiene
Well-known member
Social_Monstrosity
Well-known member
My best friend is dating what would probably have to be my "dream girl", or close to it. So its a constant reminder of what I can't have but he somehow can. I get this strange lonely feeling whenever all three of us are hanging out because they hold hands and hug and stuff, while I am standing there awkward and alone :
That's terrible