Deep, lonely thoughts whenever I see a beautiful girl.

[DeadCities]

So today I saw probably the most beautiful girl in my life and that empty feeling enveloped me again and I was reminded of this thread I made last year...

I'm not saying this out of bitterness, but most of the really pretty girls I've seen are insipid, vacuos people with no trace of personality, as if being gorgeous is all they need to do. (and it probably is) So don't worry to much. As selfish as this may sound I'd rather have a gf that looks worse than me so I'm not as self conscious around her.

And yes I know, this makes it even harder. Life is unfair in this way. If this was naturally made to be a need in life then why can't it be easier to get? Maybe just because of the society we live in.

Indeed, there's a pressure in our society for everyone to be a good looking, social, and constantly happy/funny/entertaining person. At least in my age group (I'm 18). Alot of times people have to fake these things, because as we all know, it's impossible to be all those all the time. So we create a phoney structure where people that can't live up to the "ideal" that is placed in our heads are considered undesirable.

I still talk to the girl I love everyday, she knows my feelings and is not the least bit interested. She has a boyfriend in another country (this isn't a lie, I've talked to him). I've had gf's before, but she's the first girl I've every really had these feelings for, and I can't even discuss them with her because it'd make her uncomfortable and she'd stop talking to me. So I act like the pathetic human being I am, unable to move on, and still try to get along with her, with the vain hope she'll somehow forget her bf and fall in love me. SIGH! Sorrry id I'm being depressing, but I'm not in a great mood as of right now.

 

[spect01]

I imagine myself being in a relationship with her and then I just get this dark feeling and the whole picture in my mind with us close together goes poof and dissapears....

 

[chained]

well..I consider myself to be pretty, I guess.. and I'm as f up or more than u guys..
and why does the girl have to be BEAUTIFUL? I understand that u aim for the highest, everyone does and that u feel intimidated by beautiful girls, but there are a lot of other girls, and the girls u should be looking for, arent the shallow beautiful ones.. cuz even if u were sa free u wouldnt want a girl like that, cuz u'd have nothing to talk to her about even if u could show her ur real personality. so ur kind of making the same discrimination ppl make about persay ugly ppl..
Not saying there arent beautiful and smart girls
just when u look at her think: how many times did that nice body of hers get f*** lol and how much make up has she put on her, sorry for the vulgarity, but u should rly change the way u think about them).. and whenever u think like this, make urself angry, make it a motivation to get better, sa free, if u have image issues, go to the gym, etc..

 

[planemo]

So today I saw probably the most beautiful girl in my life and that empty feeling enveloped me again and I was reminded of this thread I made last year...

Yeah, don't worry about it. I'm the same. It's , more a feeling of not really liking myself, and wondering how anyone else could. I see only flaws in myself, and so I assume that's what everyone else sees. Whether they do or not, makes no difference really.

Everyone has their own judgment as to what's beautiful. I don't think us guys only look for girls who can easily become a model or something of that sort. I think by and large because we interact so little with anyone of the opposite sex, any image of 'beauty' (which is highly subjective) makes us realise that females do exist, and for me anyway, we regard this as a reference point from which to judge all females. I guess looks may be a very important factor to guys like us, not because I think we're shallow but more so because I think that other elements which are vital in making a judgement on someone eg. personality, demeanour, behaviour etc, are things we usually don't get to see.

 

[Elad]

play this song in your head everytime you see a beautiful girl. srsly srs.

YouTube - Joe Esposito - You're the Best Around

 

[Newtype]

I need my own personal Mr. Miyagi to teach me how to approach girls.

I am the same. When I see a girl that I'm attracted to, I enjoy her presence for a few seconds but then there's something inside of me reminding me that nothing will ever happen. It's hard to explain. It's like I don't live in the same world as everyone else, like I'm a ghost, so anyone I see, I know that it's impossible for me to be in contact with them. I saw this girl in college, she was like the most beautiful girl in the world. The type of girl who'd be disqualified in the Miss Universe contest 'cause she's too beautiful to be considered human, seriously. She rarely made an appearance, so I couldn't show her to my friends 'cause I never saw her when they were there. It's funny 'cause they were really curious about it. Anyway, one day I was studying at the library and she sat right in front of me! My whole body froze, I couldn't believe it. I wanted to talk to her so bad. I wanted to know her name and hear what her voice sounded like. I was never able to. I felt sad, and jealous of other guys who didn't have my problem.

 

[userremoved]

Lately I feel depressed when i see couples and I look at her: gorgeous, model like ideal girl, and I look at him: average every-day boy. So how do they do it? I think I need a college just to learn how...

Or I get depresed when I see that poeple that are in a wheelchair have GF's or other people that have serious diseases that makes them unwanted by the others...and the second moment i look at them i see next to them a NORMAL girl...so how do they do it ????????

Dude, I've long since tried to figure this one out. I think I might have said it before on here but I saw on TV a guy who was born with only half his body and had to walk around on his hands. And yet he found a normal woman that loves him. I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve love or anything so don't get me wrong. I would just like to know what his secret is too. Thats why I'm convinced that SAD should just be called Anti relationship disorder, no joke.

 

[Truthseeker]

I felt sad, and jealous of other guys who didn't have my problem.

I don't feel jealous of other guys who are able to establish romantic relationships. However, I do feel very sad that I can't establish social relationships in general. My problem is much bigger than not having relationships/sex with women. If that was the only problem, my life could still be fulfilling. I realize that it's different for each individual, I have known guys who had great jobs and friends, but could never establish romantic relationships. I know a 38 year old professor who has never had a girlfriend or sex. But he has absolutely no problem meeting new people, working with people and so on. I hope you will improve your life and not become like me, or that poor professor.

 

[CC81]

Funny, I was thinking about this the other day, inparticular many years ago when I saw a girl in town who I had a crush on (high school days). I remember just being depressed for days after and only just realised that it's probably because I didn't think myself good enough to even talk to her.

That seems to be the crux of the matter, at least in my situation - a deep lack of self esteem. I still get it now, when I see couples for example. Two of my best friends starting seeing each other and now it's still awkward to be around them because it feels like everyone else can get a partner but I'm incapable of even feeling ok around friends.

 

[boro]

My 2 cents -- this does occasionally happen to me too. All i feel is profound disappointment with myself for not doing enough to get myself into a position where i have a reasonably exciting life and good life experience. Its because of this reason i hate introducing myself.

 

[Da Kid]

Tbh, my biggest problems are with girls. Something about them kinda deflates me, even the average ones. It's really frustrating, but is one of those things where u just gotta plow through. I know I look good enough, have most of the material needs to have a girl (car, some cash, etc.), and when comfortable (or high/drunk) I have a decent, sometimes good conversation skills. The only thing I am missing is the confidence to put it all together and offer something a girl would be interested in. It's like having the foundation for a house all ready, the walls built and the ceiling ready. But your missing the support, and without the support the building won't stand. It's like that for me, and from what I hear it's like that for quite a few other guys.

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

Klytus, these women you met - they were brief, superficial meetings, right? Well, no woman is going to base her attraction off of that (unless she's shallow and you happen to look like a supermodel). Has any female taken the time to really learn your intricacies? Maybe not. But the point is, if she got to that stage, she'd likely find a lot to like.

This has been my experience, that's what I'm basing my statements on. I used to cut off a lot of women in my younger years because I felt too inept. They would never get beyond the 'audition' stage because I thought (like you) that I had nothing to offer them. But once I became a little more aggressive, things got much better. I realized that I was the only one screwing myself over by being too shy, and that none of the women I was meeting were perfect. It's not like they're put-together and we're not. We're all screwed up in different ways. You just have to have the guts to take it all a bit further and hope that you can coexist and complement each other well enough for something good to happen - and for it to last.

Example of women wanting to crack through a shell:Loveshyshy has this guy in her life who she likes very much but is love shy and she has so for about a couple a years now and i don't beleive she's given up.It's quite common actually,in a love shys condition.












Anyway,Somewhat yes.The only time I was ever jealous in my life was when I saw the most beautiful women i had ever seen with a guy I would see as attractive to women....In somewhat of a sexual position,alas.I only feel that way when I don't have alot of things good going on for me and had started thinking negatively again.

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

Tbh, my biggest problems are with girls. Something about them kinda deflates me, even the average ones. It's really frustrating, but is one of those things where u just gotta plow through. I know I look good enough, have most of the material needs to have a girl (car, some cash, etc.), and when comfortable (or high/drunk) I have a decent, sometimes good conversation skills. The only thing I am missing is the confidence to put it all together and offer something a girl would be interested in. It's like having the foundation for a house all ready, the walls built and the ceiling ready. But your missing the support, and without the support the building won't stand. It's like that for me, and from what I hear it's like that for quite a few other guys.

You have a lot going for you. Don't mess it up! At least you are capatable of holding a conversation.

I have all your issues, magnified tenfold.

 

[Da Kid]

You have a lot going for you. Don't mess it up! At least you are capatable of holding a conversation.

I have all your issues, magnified tenfold.

Well, I was always the way I am today. I was just as bad/worse then you were right now. I worked for everything I have right now, and I know that however bad your problems are, that with enough time and effort you can get where you want to get.

And, holding a conversation is not nearly enough for me.

 

[LION]

Because I know I have no chance with her.

Does anybody else get these thoughts?

No, because i know i can end up in bed with her.

 

[Krista]

I understand that feeling hun ::

Fortunately, no one says you can't have someone who's gorgeous.....except yourself. You're the only one holding yourself back, I do this as well but I'm working on getting the courage to even ask to hang out. And when they say yes it helps, pushes you to ask again. So they say no, it feels like the worst feeling but it's one person. Try again.

Easier said than done and you'll only do it if you feel you can. Belief in yourself goes a long way

 

[numb embryonic]

I do get deep, lonely thoughts whenever I see a beautiful girl... even an 'average' girl for that matter. I just feel they will have way more experience than me, that they've had dozens of boyfriends since their early teens. They had what I missed out on / was denied = social development. I can never achieve the expectations they want in a man: good status/job, confidence (which i don't understand because I've displayed confidence in the past and got no where), relationship know-how and good looks. Even if they don't want all that, I just feel like they do.. maybe because I know the truth is that women don't "breed down", and beauty is a woman's main ticket for "breeding up". That's how society makes it. From my past it was always the popular and "good looking" folk that humiliated me, bullied me, excluded me well into my 20s, so I think many of them are nasty like that, causing me further to avoid them. Also, just from years of eves dropping or listening in on "beautiful girls" most of them seem shallow, fickle, highly opinionated and bitchy. The advent of the internet is bad for concentrating this matter too, because beautiful women who post their pick on ANY site get inundated with messages of how beautiful they are, men slobbering all over them, this only re-instates the halo effect by putting them higher on the pedestal. They are just 1 mouse click away from 'seiving' through potentially thousands of suitors for the 1 they prefer and they know it.

Now nearly 32 and never having a girlfriend the pain is unthinkable - it's beyond pain, it's too late now to "reel in" normality. It's just a void of emptiness and bitter memoirs.

 

[inspirer]

*deleted message

 

[redski]

...
Now nearly 32 and never having a girlfriend the pain is unthinkable - it's beyond pain, it's too late now to "reel in" normality. It's just a void of emptiness and bitter memoirs.

Amen brother!

 

[Social_Monstrosity]

I feel like this thread has more potential, so I'm bumping it!