This reads like a page from a novel I would like not to put down. You write so eloquently about things like "Worrying" I know you are in pain and I am in no way trying to minimize that fact, but damn you should be an writer!
It's such a dreadful disease of the mind to be a worrier. Do you know some people don't worry much at all? I found out that my ability to worry supersedes most normal people recently-it has taken me a really long time to find this out. I had no idea I was unique in this affliction. It is absolutely a life killer.
My only real way to deal is to completely shut down my mind. I wish I could say I meditate and that helps, because i don't. I sleep for hrs to keep from dealing with it. That has been the only escape for me. I also have taken on a more Fuk It attitude with most everything. I have to really do that in order to function otherwise the worry takes over my mind and makes me literally immobile.
Add depression and anxiety and I really wish someone would put me out of my misery most days.
I think it's genetic to be a Worrier. My mom is big-time and I know that she caused me to be environmentally and genetically.
I am sorry you have it too. :sad: I know having a pet ca be a huge help in calming people like us. Maybe get a cat or dog?
Hush, Molly, you're gonna make me :blushing:, but thank you.
At the risk of contradicting my earlier post, I do think worrying
in moderation is an important element of the human psyche. If we don't worry about the future at least to some extent, and make plans accordingly, if we play the grasshopper and not the ant, we'll suffer for it when winter comes, whether literally or in a more figurative sense.
Some worries are legitimate—
Do I have enough money for retirement?
Do I have enough food to last me through the coming snowstorm?
What is this thing hugging my face, and why is its tail wrapped around my neck?
—but even these can be inflated to grotesque proportions by an over-active and pessimistic mind. The goal I suppose, is to find a method and a state of mind to consider these questions calmly and rationally, and to follow them to a reasonable answer.
And then let go. Otherwise, you're taking a long walk off a short pier, and you're not going to get anything from it but wet. The
Serenity Prayer recited in every twelve-step meeting ever sums this up pretty well: serenity, courage, wisdom. All good things to have, but not always easy to find. So far, I haven't seen them on the shelves at Walmart.
Buddhists seem to have a handle on this stuff. I have an acquaintance on another site who often quotes
Thích Nhất Hạnh. The guy makes a lot of sense sometimes, but I haven't explored his philosophy any further. Maybe I should. :thinking:
I've tried meditation, too, a couple of times. I took a class in college, but I didn't do very well. Too much chatter in my head, too many voices and nobody in charge. I guess it takes time, of which I have plenty, but I expect it also requires a certain peaceful solitude as well, a silence on the outside to foster silence within. That's something I haven't enjoyed for many years.
So I ask my questions, and I find my answers if I can, but then I continue to worry past the logical conclusion:
Do I have enough money for retirement? Probably, but . . .
Do I have enough food to last out the storm? Certainly, but . . .
What is this frightening thing on my face? It's only a beard (I think), but . . .
Question, answer, worry. It's those big
buts that get me every time.
