Och aye the noo

If yer not gonnae help me then f*** off ! Honestly, moved to Kelso or some other crap, equally depressing part of Scotland. Cuz ah don't need you anymore.

Cuz you huv been nuthin' but a dour, restrictive, negative influence oan ma life that past 14 years. Ah couldnae give a f*** if yer ma parent. Or ma sisters or most of tha wimmin in this family that ah interact with daily. After tha patronising, disrespect ah pit up with.

Higher Grasmere, why have ye no got a girlfriend? Have ye met ma family when they're pittin' on the... "Hullo, nice the meeting ya. D'youse want a cuppa tea? Coffee?" routine

Yer aw c****s!! Dumb, selfish, obnoxious, overbearing, hateful geebags! And ye wonder why ah can't stand being in the same room as youse.

And yer f***in' lazy as well. Only reason am slightly more intelligent compared to the rest of this family is cuz you f***ers mess up often. Ah make a mistake and go: "Better no dae that again". And I actually think afore opening may big gob.

Sorry, tha clan from which ah take ma first name huv been daein ma box in. Plus, it's been a stressful few weeks. :sad:

Hiya folks... It's been 3 weeks. My recovery has been goin' well.

Ah been very positive. Weird for a dour, pessimistic Scotch f***er like.

GraybeardGhost said:

That sound exactly like my one night in the hospital (geriatric psych ward—screamers and zombies, and they wouldn't let me lock the door). Scared me right the heck outta there!

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^ By the way, would ye like me to tell of my experience in ma local hospital. Or would that be too boring for youse? Since it's a wee bit similar to ol' Graybeard's post here. Though, ah hud an embarrassing experience during ma hospital stay. Like proper mortifyin', like. mg:

Just 3 weeks to go, then ma physio should begin an' ah'll be back oan ma feet. Oan tha plus side, am no' as wobbly oan when am standin' with my zimmer frame. Hud a wee hop back an' forth from tha temporary bed in tha livin' room. But ah dinnae feel confident enough tae hop aboot on yin leg.

Awrite, ya anxious but lovely c***s. Ah say that word with affection.

Now, to celebrate that, according to a recent survey, Scotland is now the angriest nation in tha world.

Noo, some uh youse are probably no surprised by that. :bigsmile:

So in celebration, ah thought ah'd post those clips from Scottish movies, Trainspotting and Sweet Sixteen...
Trainspotting - Bar Scene
Sweet Sixteen

Graeme1988 said:

Now, to celebrate that, according to a recent survey, Scotland is now the angriest nation in tha world.

Noo, some uh youse are probably no surprised by that. : bigsmile:

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Don't ya mean the manliest?? Or same thing??? hehe

My cuntry's (delibrate mispelling there ) up there too in the top 10 i see.
But i think we might be the #1 repressed country! :thumbdown: :thinking: :question:

theslowesthand said:

Don't ya mean the manliest?? Or same thing??? hehe

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Manliest...?! Well, considerin' this is tha only country, which am aware where men were skirts... Or kilts as we call 'em. So yer no wrong there.

And speak for myself, ah like to occassional walk around town in offensive, yet ironically funny t-shirt. See, that's ma way of messin' with folk. And just kickin' this uptight, politically correct, f**ked up world right in the balls.

Since ah huv nae confidence and a stutter, on top my cerebal palsy.

Ah find wearing offensively funny t-shirts works particularly in Edinburgh during August. People dinnae ken where to look, some folk will stop me, read and shirt and we'll both laugh about it. Which is the reaction am going for most of the time. Ah would set oot to deliberately offend with my dark yet ironic sense of humour.

But ah digress... Let get back oan topic, eh?

Personally, ah think it's that underlying aggression an temper. We can be nice, friendly an helpful, but piss off a Scottish (man or wummin)... Oh, by f**k, you will shite yersel'. Cuz even if we don't set aboot ye and batter ye.
Just the threat of violence is terrifying, y'know?

theslowesthand said:

My cuntry's (delibrate mispelling there)

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Oooh... F***in' look it you, there! Brilliant wee play oan words there. Though, a Scottish, Irish or Geordie could only get away with and get a proper laugh. Scotland, Ireland, Newcastle in the north England are the best places to learn how to swear. So the f-word just flows, naturally.

theslowesthand said:

up there too in the top 10 i see.
But i think we might be the #1 repressed country!

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Repressed? F***in' hell and ah thought the wee toon where ah live wus backwards and uptight.

So whit kind o' month huv youse oan here hud ? Keep to yer New Year Resolutions? Loss weight ? Made any changes for the better ?

Ah've hud a pretty hellish but overly positive month, masel', like – since January 6th. Or 3 past weeks. With another 3 to go... Which is quite surprising in retrospect

Then the really test of pain threshold really starts.

As y'kmow ah've been in hospital huvin extensive surgery oan baith ma legs to try and help ma cerebral palsy, in terms of my walk. A decision made on a whim, which is rare for me cuz ah normally regret making decisions withoot think them through. The pro an cons of the situation.

But ah've only telt aboot it briefly, an dinnae ken if you want tha full story as were. Cuz tha hospital stay wus f**kin' hellish, if ye dinnae mind tha language? Hilariously funny, surreal and disturbing in equal measure.

No exactly an ideal weeks' holiday, like... Especially if yer lookin' for some rest an relaxation.

Ah'ill tell youse more aboot it, once ah've resized a couple of photos ah took of me in my plaster casts when ah got hame. So ah cun uploaded them here.
If ye want to hear it, like? Since ah can be quite borin' an waffle oan at length at shite at times. :bigsmile:

An should ah do in like diary, with date and everythin’. Or would do it in reverse order starting with the appointment ah hud the day (February 1st) be better. :idontknow:

So much has happen in such a short space of time for me. It’s just went fleein’ past so it hus.

Hoppy said:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNn-6FzTimY

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:bigsmile: That's a clip from Scottish sketch show Chewin' the Fat. Ah hove that show, huv'nae watched it ages.

Ford Kiernan are Greg Hemphill are a great Scottish comedy duo. Their other show Still Game is great as well - but a very Scottish sitcom. Ah hud the chance to ses to the live stage of Still Game. Was in tears laughin'... :bigsmile:

Here's another hysterically funny clip from Chewin' the Fat - so wrong but so funny... Especially when that wee lad drops the Irn Bru bottle.

Chewin' the fat - Gis a swatch at yer fanny

Graeme1988 said:

Personally, ah think it's that underlying aggression an temper. We can be nice, friendly an helpful, but piss off a Scottish (man or wummin)... Oh, by f**k, you will shite yersel'. Cuz even if we don't set aboot ye and batter ye.
Just the threat of violence is terrifying, y'know?

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Same with ere in new zealand .. all wolves in sheeps clothing (& sheep in sheep clothing! lol) .. with everybody walking round on tender-hooks, pussi-footing around, avoiding all talk of truthful & personal matters .. so as to avoid any "explosion" that ye could trigger, due to all th repressed shite in us .. and then being subject to all their months of built-up rage/etc all in one go .. scary to thnk of all such violent possibilities out there (& add drugs, booze, dietary toxins .. and ye have a cuntry full of crazed monsters!!!)

Graeme1988 said:

Oooh... F***in' look it you, there! Brilliant wee play oan words there. Though, a Scottish, Irish or Geordie could only get away with and get a proper laugh. Scotland, Ireland, Newcastle in the north England are the best places to learn how to swear. So the f-word just flows, naturally

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I have got scottish & irish in me genes - what a combo! h:
Our cuntry is at the bottom of th world, hehe

Graeme1988 said:

Repressed? F***in' hell and ah thought the wee toon where ah live wus backwards and uptight

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Believe me you, we here are about as narrow-minded, intolrant, ego-tistical as they come :thumbdown:

theslowesthand said:

I have got scottish & irish in me genes - what a combo! h:

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Here you... That's a buckin' fantastic combo!! Huv some pride, man. If ah didnae live in Scotland, ah move to Ireland. The swearing, the alcohol tolerance, dark humour. And the Irish accent is far sexier than the Scottish accent, in ma opinion. On the downside, there's that fierce temper.

The Scotch accent can sound quite threatening most of the time. Whereas the Irish sounds very friendly. If ma experience talking with an Irish couple during the Edinburgh. Me and ma sister had tickets to Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan and this older couple were just wondering how we heard of Tommy and said I had some of stand-up comedy DVDs and my sister recently saw him do a TV appearance. When, out of nowhere the man himself walk in, has a chat with the couple. The women saying this her husband's first time seeing Tommy live.

And the moment even go me and wheelchair moved. Initially, I was in front of a big amp speaker just at the door on the ground level of theatre and lady says: "You okay there? Don't think you'll see much from there"

She calls a staff member over as goes: "Can we get this young man and his sister moved, to the opposite end, and my husband and I will sit across the aisle from them"

So there we are, waiting for Tommy to take the stage and he just walks on. None of the usual loud rock music, or "Ladies and gentlemen please well to the stage". Just the cheer of the crowd, when he steps into the spotlight.

Thanks the audience for attending and making them aware this show might be a bit of mess as he'd planned anything out. So it was very much in the moment.

And Tommy does this mental show, total improvised. Hysterical, aggressive, sweary and a totally disregard for political correctness. And a great storyteller.

And, at times, Tommy was kneeling down, leaning on his microphone monitor just talk to the front row. Occassionally giving me a glace and smiling to see someone like me having a good laugh along with everyone else. Especially because in the past he got shite for doing a routine about disabled people wondering disabled parking spaces are so close to the shops?

At one point during the show we were at Tommy wonders out loud: "Why am I shouting about this?! I don't even f**kin' know...!! Anyway. d'ye ever wonder where thoughts come from? These are the kinda questions that keep me awake night" :bigsmile:

theslowesthand said:

Believe me you, we here are about as narrow-minded, intolrant, ego-tistical as they come :thumbdown:

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Sounds very much like the southern region of Scotland where am from (Dumfries and Galloway).

So, it's been a month exactly now since ma extensive leg surgery.

Ah think it's time ah telt ye the surreal, darkly hilariously, and distressing story of ma stay at ma local hospital. If ye want to here it? Ah only ask cuz, eh, ah wouldnae want tae bore ye. Whit with me not being the most charismatic Scot you'll every met. Nor am I a particularly great storyteller.

Ah know, it's aw aboot confidence, but ah dinnae huv much o' that. Despite being an adult. Damn you social anxiety, and dysfunctional family upbringing. :thumbdown:

Plus, ah wus'nae aw that great when studying English literature in high school, grammatically speakin'. Though, ironically, am quite big oan readin' book but am nae intellectual. Or that smart... Sorry, for the self-loathin' there. Ma self-esteem issues need a bit uh work, obviously.

I'd like to read about it.

Finally got oot the hoose for the first time since going for my surgery. Ma sister and I got me transfered from ma wheelchair to her car, nae bother. Looks like ah'll be attendin' that comedy gig in Carlisle next week.



Also hud a f***in' revelation the day, me an ma eldest sister actually agree that our mum is a negative, pessimistic, irrational wummin. Finally... She gets it. :bowing: Ah've been bitchin' an givin' oot aboot oor mum fur years but got telt ah wus being unfair to mum. But am glad ma sister finally sees why my relationship with mum is tense, difficult and stressful for me. Why ah get mad at mum sometimes.

Oh, an she (my sister) telt me a hysterically funny story of summit that happened while her and ma mum were visitng me in hospital last month.

How tha f*** are ye supposed tae use yer dysfunctional family as example of who ye do an don't want to turn out be like when y'know which 2 you'll end up... The ones ye swore you'd never be - yer parents. Those very same people lived out their hopes an dreams through you an dinnae even for consider what makes you happy, not that care much anyway.

Sorry, just tryin' tae figure oot why ah've turned oot to be tha same as ah wus when ah wus a wee boy... Shy,, scared and introverted. Actually, ah feel like this right now...

Epic Big Brother UK Diary Room Rants

^ Despite, ironically, not being a fan of Big Brother or reality TV in general, I can relate to this wee compliation of rants. The Northern Irish lassie, Ashleigh Coyle's rant in particular - skip to the 6 mins 23 secs mark in the above link to see that bit. It's hilarious and scathing at the same time. :bigsmile:

Jesus f***in' wept! Of all the kinda parents ye can huv, why did ah huv to git tha domineering, overbearin', egotistical, pessimistic c**t of a mother. :kickingmyself:

Sorry, but aren't yer parents supposed to help ye through life? But no mine. No, she's to stubborn an lazy tae do anythin' fur me. Her only son. But then she's hated me most of her life cuz sadly took after ma dad mair than mum.

Fae ma dad, ah got ma looks, and drive. Mum, on the hand, gave me ma love of music, humour. Alongside the depression, anxiety an her dreary, miserable f**kin' outlook on life. :sad:

Sorry to giving out like this, but that argument really made me reflect upon our parental relationship. If ah cannae be happy, can ye at least allow me to be content with things as they are. Aye, it's shite but still it's be than fakin' happiness aw tha time.

As physically and ever so slightly intellectually disabled person is too much to ask just let me do things oan ma terms, eh?

Ah mean help me but don't do everything for me, it makes me feel like a f***in' invalid who cannae do anythin'. When clearly the opposite is true if ye just show me an huv wee bit a patient with me cuz am a bit slow in tha heid.

Ah didnae want to be yin them disabled f***ers, for whom, their disability defined who they were and their lives. Which is whit ah hud to put up with growin' up. Since the focus was always about what ah can't do.

Whit kind o' a f***in' life is that for a disabled person? Doesnae exactly give ye much hope, does it?

Yet, I've seen inspiring, upliftin' disabilty documentaries on the telly, seen cripple c***s in wheelchairs. Rarely missed the f***in' Paralympic Games. And y'know summit, ah envy them cuz they're actually happy or at least content, despite their disability.

I'm guessing their parents cared enough to say: "Your disability will not define who you are". They didnae wrap them in cotton wool and fill their heads with paranoid shite, just made ye more isolated, alienated and alone.

Sure they might huv their limitation, but that shouldnae stop ye a fufilled life. Said he, who spent much of life an outcast, even within his own family. And still feels tha same way after all these years.

Graeme1988 said:

Of all the kinda parents ye can huv, why did ah huv to git tha domineering, overbearin', egotistical, pessimistic c**t of a mother
... Sorry, but aren't yer parents supposed to help ye through life? But no mine. No, she's to stubborn an lazy tae do anythin' fur me. Her only son. But then she's hated me most of her life ...

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I always used to view me parents like that too, like they're the worst possible parents that i culd ever have. But over time, esp last few years, ah've gotten a new view of such matters, and kinda new-agey, but it has helped me some. This idea is along the lines of "no pain, no gain" or even "more pain, more gain". That it is, is this: that the worse they are for yur current well-being, the better they are for yurself overall (eg evolution of "soul"). So, all gets thrown in reverse when talkin of soul (deeper) not personality (shallower). Worst enemies (eg parents) become best friends, and best friends become .. i dunno! not best friends, hehe (as they dont help yu grow as much). Bad is good, good is maybe not bad but not as good as appears. All is illusion & backwards... (excuse my delving into deep metaphysic there .. am listenin to the Doors, amidst a drunkin haze )