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- Thread starter nickabcuk
- Start date
blubs
Well-known member
Hi Nick
I have just been reading your posts (some i read before - some are new)
It is a lot to take in! but I think everything you say makes sense.. if I apply it to situations I've been in.
You mentioned the importance of language....I put myself down every single day, and have done so for as long as I can remember. I don't know why I do this...I think it is a question of, like you say, focusing on my fears, and thinking 'well this is probably what people think of me...so I may as well say it'. So anyway.....lately my boyfriend has refused to acknowledge these negative comments, instead he just says 'I don't think that does you any good!'. I have tried to stop myself saying negative things because of this...and I think I feel better for it, and I get on better with my boyfriend. So I just wanted to give this as an example of how negative thinking does give negative results.
Also...you said 'challenge might be a better word (for SA) than problem'
I think this is a great way of looking at it.....I'm going to try and remember this sentence everyday.
Thanks for all your well thought out advice
blubs
I have just been reading your posts (some i read before - some are new)
It is a lot to take in! but I think everything you say makes sense.. if I apply it to situations I've been in.
You mentioned the importance of language....I put myself down every single day, and have done so for as long as I can remember. I don't know why I do this...I think it is a question of, like you say, focusing on my fears, and thinking 'well this is probably what people think of me...so I may as well say it'. So anyway.....lately my boyfriend has refused to acknowledge these negative comments, instead he just says 'I don't think that does you any good!'. I have tried to stop myself saying negative things because of this...and I think I feel better for it, and I get on better with my boyfriend. So I just wanted to give this as an example of how negative thinking does give negative results.
Also...you said 'challenge might be a better word (for SA) than problem'
I think this is a great way of looking at it.....I'm going to try and remember this sentence everyday.
Thanks for all your well thought out advice
blubs
blubs
Well-known member
Hi Nick
I have just been reading your posts (some i read before - some are new)
It is a lot to take in! but I think everything you say makes sense.. if I apply it to situations I've been in.
You mentioned the importance of language....I put myself down every single day, and have done so for as long as I can remember. I don't know why I do this...I think it is a question of, like you say, focusing on my fears, and thinking 'well this is probably what people think of me...so I may as well say it'. So anyway.....lately my boyfriend has refused to acknowledge these negative comments, instead he just says 'I don't think that does you any good!'. I have tried to stop myself saying negative things because of this...and I think I feel better for it, and I get on better with my boyfriend. So I just wanted to give this as an example of how negative thinking does give negative results.
Also...you said 'challenge might be a better word (for SA) than problem'
I think this is a great way of looking at it.....I'm going to try and remember this sentence everyday.
Thanks for all your well thought out advice
blubs
I have just been reading your posts (some i read before - some are new)
It is a lot to take in! but I think everything you say makes sense.. if I apply it to situations I've been in.
You mentioned the importance of language....I put myself down every single day, and have done so for as long as I can remember. I don't know why I do this...I think it is a question of, like you say, focusing on my fears, and thinking 'well this is probably what people think of me...so I may as well say it'. So anyway.....lately my boyfriend has refused to acknowledge these negative comments, instead he just says 'I don't think that does you any good!'. I have tried to stop myself saying negative things because of this...and I think I feel better for it, and I get on better with my boyfriend. So I just wanted to give this as an example of how negative thinking does give negative results.
Also...you said 'challenge might be a better word (for SA) than problem'
I think this is a great way of looking at it.....I'm going to try and remember this sentence everyday.
Thanks for all your well thought out advice
blubs
pitkreet
Well-known member
Thanks for these excellent words of wisdom, Nick.
Do you have any material on how to boost motivation?
I have a problem that pretty much every day, I go to work, spend 8 hours staring at a computer screen, have little fun or interaction with people, feel run into the ground and generally have a bad time. When I get home at night, I just feel knackered and find it very hard to motivate myself to get down to doing work on improving my self-esteem...it seems too much like homework.
I can usually bring myself to do some physical exercise wich helps to bring some life back into my body, but that's about as good as it gets. So, do you have any tips on how to summon up the motivation to put in the time to learn to improve my mental well-being.
Not sure if this is an easy one to answer....
Do you have any material on how to boost motivation?
I have a problem that pretty much every day, I go to work, spend 8 hours staring at a computer screen, have little fun or interaction with people, feel run into the ground and generally have a bad time. When I get home at night, I just feel knackered and find it very hard to motivate myself to get down to doing work on improving my self-esteem...it seems too much like homework.
I can usually bring myself to do some physical exercise wich helps to bring some life back into my body, but that's about as good as it gets. So, do you have any tips on how to summon up the motivation to put in the time to learn to improve my mental well-being.
Not sure if this is an easy one to answer....
last2no
Member
Nick,
I just want to say thank you for your advice. Your life story was very motivating and I do believe that because you have experience first hand what SA is like, you will become a very good psychologist.
I also have social anxiety all my life and just a couple of weeks ago really took a look at myself and try to seek out help. Coming across your post gave me some direction on where to start to overcome my social anxiety.
I will print out the advice you give and try them. I feel very confident.
Sincere thanks.
I just want to say thank you for your advice. Your life story was very motivating and I do believe that because you have experience first hand what SA is like, you will become a very good psychologist.
I also have social anxiety all my life and just a couple of weeks ago really took a look at myself and try to seek out help. Coming across your post gave me some direction on where to start to overcome my social anxiety.
I will print out the advice you give and try them. I feel very confident.
Sincere thanks.
cellardoor
Member
Hi Nick
My name is stu, I would like to start by saying that I can really not thank you enough, since reading your numerous posts I have tried my best to take on the ways of thinking that you suggest, I have also acquired the "7 steps" book and "personnel power 2" program. Although I found the Majority of "7 Steps" hard to relate to sp, I did find his idea of being proactive very intriguing, The reason that I believe pp2 is so effective is because the concepts and ideas that Robbins presents to the listener are so interesting that you find yourself thinking about them long after hearing them, this in turn means that your way of thinking slowly begin to change, it is almost like the self help element becomes an enjoyable hobbie. Since listening I have found my life is slowly becoming easier. I would like to ask for some further advice if possible, in slightly over a months time I am due to be a best man at a friends wedding, this will include the traditional best mans speech, as a person who has experienced sp you will understand that 'sp + speech = new underwear', the thing is I see this as the ultimate challenge for myself and am going to go through with it regardless. I was wondering if you had advice relating to public speaking.
I hope that sometime soon I can reach the level you have progressed too, in the meantime I will try to post ideas that I have found helpful.
Thanks
My name is stu, I would like to start by saying that I can really not thank you enough, since reading your numerous posts I have tried my best to take on the ways of thinking that you suggest, I have also acquired the "7 steps" book and "personnel power 2" program. Although I found the Majority of "7 Steps" hard to relate to sp, I did find his idea of being proactive very intriguing, The reason that I believe pp2 is so effective is because the concepts and ideas that Robbins presents to the listener are so interesting that you find yourself thinking about them long after hearing them, this in turn means that your way of thinking slowly begin to change, it is almost like the self help element becomes an enjoyable hobbie. Since listening I have found my life is slowly becoming easier. I would like to ask for some further advice if possible, in slightly over a months time I am due to be a best man at a friends wedding, this will include the traditional best mans speech, as a person who has experienced sp you will understand that 'sp + speech = new underwear', the thing is I see this as the ultimate challenge for myself and am going to go through with it regardless. I was wondering if you had advice relating to public speaking.
I hope that sometime soon I can reach the level you have progressed too, in the meantime I will try to post ideas that I have found helpful.
Thanks
cellardoor
Member
Thanks for the reply nick. Lately I have been trying to work on my focus during high anxiety causing situations, I have been asking myself the empowering questions talked about by Tony Robbins and mentioned on your web site. What I have found is that despite being able to clearly ask the questions internally, I still experience the slight physical symptoms of anxiety (light feelings of adrenaline). I wondered if you experienced the same when first tried this technique and is it the case that with persistence you will automatically feel self assurance in such situations. Something I have also given alot of thought to recently is the pain and please principle that Tony Robbins talks, I was curious as to whether you found this effective in overcoming your SA. In theory it would seem perfect for applying to SA but then I thought that linking pain to SA and pleasure to life without it, is something that people with SA are doing all the time, you only have to read the majority of the posts on this site to notice this. The one other thing I was curious about was pattern interrupts, I would like to be able to do this without drawing attention to myself, do you have any suggestions?
Thanks
Thanks
cellardoor
Member
I’d like to start by thanking you for taking the time to write such a detailed reply, im giving it 10/10. I found your response to the “pain and pleasure” question, very inspirational.
It became apparent to me at this point that to truly master something it needs a strict level of commitment as mentioned above. I think you may mention in one the articles on your website that on the road to recovery a lot of conscious positive thought is required to begin with, as with persistence this will turn to an automatic unconscious thought pattern, I think you may have mentioned empowering questions and also imagining that people are thinking good things about you or nothing at all about you as some of the examples, I wondered how consistent did you have to be with the conscious thought? is it something you must try to be aware of at all time to start with, when alone and in company? Are there any other methods of positive thinking you would recommend?[/quote]
I was also curious as to whether you have been successful with altering your associations and there meanings through the use of anchoring? Is anchoring the best way to change our associations?
I hope you don’t mind being bombarded with questions nick, as there are many more I would like to ask as I learn (nearly wrote “try”) to get my head around these concepts. For me, being able to interact with someone who has overcome sp is more useful than literatue and tapes on the subject, as the application of the ideas can be something I struggle with. In terms of my progress, I have been feeling on top of my game since putting into practice a lot of the things I have learnt so far. Its hard to define what the confident feelings are based on but I think I can break it down to a believe that I can face social situations equipped with a good sense of humour, which puts me at ease during any social encounters I come across. This works well for now as I try to condition myself to take on the necessary ways of thinking needed to reach my goal.
Thanks again
It became apparent to me at this point that to truly master something it needs a strict level of commitment as mentioned above. I think you may mention in one the articles on your website that on the road to recovery a lot of conscious positive thought is required to begin with, as with persistence this will turn to an automatic unconscious thought pattern, I think you may have mentioned empowering questions and also imagining that people are thinking good things about you or nothing at all about you as some of the examples, I wondered how consistent did you have to be with the conscious thought? is it something you must try to be aware of at all time to start with, when alone and in company? Are there any other methods of positive thinking you would recommend?[/quote]
I was also curious as to whether you have been successful with altering your associations and there meanings through the use of anchoring? Is anchoring the best way to change our associations?
I hope you don’t mind being bombarded with questions nick, as there are many more I would like to ask as I learn (nearly wrote “try”) to get my head around these concepts. For me, being able to interact with someone who has overcome sp is more useful than literatue and tapes on the subject, as the application of the ideas can be something I struggle with. In terms of my progress, I have been feeling on top of my game since putting into practice a lot of the things I have learnt so far. Its hard to define what the confident feelings are based on but I think I can break it down to a believe that I can face social situations equipped with a good sense of humour, which puts me at ease during any social encounters I come across. This works well for now as I try to condition myself to take on the necessary ways of thinking needed to reach my goal.
Thanks again
bigs
Member
Nick, thanks so much for this thread. It has helped me see some things in a different light.
Can you speak to ways that I could improve my anxiety about being anxious. I think this is what is holding me back. I realize that I do not have an innate fear of the situations themselves but rather a fear that I will become anxious in those certain situations and of course my anxiety is then triggered. It all sounds so simple on paper or when written out, but I just can't overcome my anxieties about anxiety. It's a vicious cycle. How can I improve?
Can you speak to ways that I could improve my anxiety about being anxious. I think this is what is holding me back. I realize that I do not have an innate fear of the situations themselves but rather a fear that I will become anxious in those certain situations and of course my anxiety is then triggered. It all sounds so simple on paper or when written out, but I just can't overcome my anxieties about anxiety. It's a vicious cycle. How can I improve?