accept your everything is the only way to cure sp

[Fredscars]

maybe i am alone in this opinion
but i have high aspirations and dreams. yes i often find myself failing, and losing moral. but it is these aspirations and dreams that are the reason i get up everymorning. I am set to prove to every person out that that i can become what i dream in my head. I might see myself as a failure now, but im going to prove to those....people.out there, the ones that bring me down, that i can be everything.

yes maybe some people need to set their sights lower, but if i had done then i would have gone ahead with slitting my throat as i intended to do a year ago.

 

[Fredscars]

..
thankyou worrydoll.

 

[Anonymous]

"maybe i am alone in this opinion
but i .have high aspirations and dreams yes i often find myself failing, and losing moral. but it is these aspirations and dreams that are the reason i get up everymorning. I am set to prove to every person out that that i can become what i dream in my head. I might see myself as a failure now, but im going to prove to those....people.out there, the ones that bring me down, that i can be everything."

i simplay think the other way round to Fredscarecrow. why we be enclosed to the difficulty for so long ? it seems endless. why? because we always deel with our problem in a wrong way. The all traditional therapies of neurosis had tought us in a wrong way too. according my point of view,at the begining of our syptoms presents,we were scared and use some worng methord to depress it , to control our reaction right away. it is our this atitude make things worse. afterwards whenever the symptoms appear ,we all use the same mistake atitude or reaction. the fact is the harder we press it the tighter we be enclosed. i think the most mistake set is our reactions are contridictionary to the nature. human reaction is a matter of nature reaction in some extend. everyone cont withstands to the nature . nature is the most powverful. that is why we always failled to escape from sp.
"have high aspirations and dreams"," I am set to prove to every person out that that i can become what i dream in my head". "but im going to prove to those" , those kinds of thought are typical of thought of against nature. aspiration or dreams is the representative holdbacks to the treatment to the sp. imagination to become something , imagination to become some person. imagnation to become succesful in social evense. imagination to becaome handsome person , all are in the wrong ways. thy leading us get in to corner.
so, i suggest , accept our reaction , accept our symptoms as a nature reaction. but donst mean we would not want get escape from sp anymore . it is suggest us in a suitable way. we should accept or even yield to the situation we being enlosed first. accept our humilitation et all. that is a prerequisite condition. moreover, plus the" observe" technique i mentioned above. graduatly we will be ok.

 

[shep]

zzb, I am very impressed with your take on the sp problem and your ideas on how to deal with it. It may well be a very valuable and new way to approach this problem for many of us.

 

[zzb3002]

the post above the post of shet is made by me(zzb3002), because i didn't log in. so it show the author is a Guest.

by the way here i give my thanks to mr shet.

 

[Anonymous]

i have to admit, that i have never viewed that as a way to take SP on. Maybe it will/ would help us. Unfortunately, however, im not sure that i could try it. For one thing i would be scared. My way of dealing with this condition has saved my life, i know that much, as i said in my previous post. If i try a new way, how am i to know if it wont take me back down a road i have absolutely no wish to revisit? is it really worth it? For one thing, one way which might help one person might cause another to fail


*shrugs*
i'm only 15
i'm doubt my opinions are that valid amongst those of you eho have suffered from SP for a long time, or have a worse case ofit then i do.

 

[shep]

Fred, at 15, you have a long life ahead of you and fortunately you have this site for ideas to consider and zzb's is certainly worth consideration as you deal with your sp. His ideas make good sense even though they may seem counterintuitive. Meds sometimes seem like ana easy way out but in my opinion, they should be used with caution. I was "flying by wire" when I was 15 and just had no clue as to what was wrong with me and for many years after that.

 

[applesewer]

Zzb3002, thank you for your comments. They’re very inspiring. I’m so excited to have found this thread! I’ve been thinking along the same lines as you for quite a while now. I might be wrong, but the way I see it...SAD (or SP) is part of who I am. I used to fight the fact that I struggled with things like making eye contact, until I realised the reason I’m struggling is because I’m trying to be like everyone else. When I realised that I am who I am, unique, I stopped fighting it and just accepted it.

I agree with everything you said…except for one thing….which I suspect you’re probably right about but I have trouble with this. I am the same as “fredscarecrow”. I too have high aspirations and dreams. I like my ambition. I’m a musician and I like to get my music sounding the best it can possibly be. A large amount of my motivation comes from feeling misunderstood and wanting to prove to people who I really am…the REAL me. I think our difference of opinion may have something to do with our difference in cultures. In the west, the “American hero” dream is very common. The single underdog, fights against all odd’s to achieve great things and legendary staus, or saves the world or whatever. I think it’s inbuilt in this capitalist culture of ours.

Maybe the answer lies somewhere between the two. It seems to me like its human nature to want to become stronger better faster? But if I don’t achieve my goals, I don’t consider myself a failure. I am content with who I am (at least I try to be most of the time).

Right now, I am in a place where, if someone offered to cure my SAD I would decline. I can find more positives to having it than negatives. These positives include

- Being unique/ SAD is part of who I am
- I think I’m far more complex and deep thinking because of it
- I can focus all my pain into my music which I believe makes it better

Whether these reasons are right or wrong I’m not sure.

p.s. to FreD,

“If I try a new way, how am I to know if it won’t take me back down a road I have absolutely no wish to revisit?”

I just wanted to offer my advice….when I try new things I ease myself into it, with small pigeon steps. You don’t have to jump in at the deep end.

 

[racheH]

zzb3002, I think I see what you mean about not suppressing feelings, but it seems that you're saying that all dreams and aspirations are a bad thing. I agree that sometimes we make it more difficult by setting targets that we think will make it all better, subconciously, but not every hope comes from this. I think it would be more helpful to ask exactly why we are striving for something, and if it makes no rational sense, especially if it's done to avoid others' disapproval, then dump the idea, because it's part of the phobia.

 

[zzb3002]

Reply the post of Mr worrywort and racheh. .
I am sorry for come back here and post the reply so late. Part because I am busy with may work. And partly because I am sometime feel difficult to write article in English and understand the English articles posted by others. I am not a native English speaker so I hope people who post article here use more writing english.
I was a social phobia for more than 20 years. But now I can say I had got out of form it by the idea and method I mentioned posted above. That is why I can put the idea and method here. The goal I present my experience and view here is to want to find how is the psychological disorder disease therapy goes in the present world especially in west world. Now I can say I got it. The psychological disorder therapy technique or ideas I proposed in the forum here is not created by myself. But it well experienced by me. I can say responsibly that it is really a special way of cure social phobia disorder even many other psychological disorders. It is more efficient than the traditional therapy methods in present world. But practice it is not easy tusk . it not only need the suffers well understanding the principle of it but also need much patients. Anyways it is a real efficient way of to cure the disease. Commonly, I think in the mental therapy field itself ,the patient himself is the best doctor. One day I want to set a net station and built the net page in both Chinese and English to help the psychological disorder suffers all over the world get out of the difficulty.
As to discussion that the opinion that patients who have social phobia disorder need to banish their aspirations and dreams in order to escape from sp, My point of view is that although commonly both in the west and the east everyone may has aspirations and dreams in their life . but the concept or the interpretation or the real feeling about them (aspirations and dreams) in the mind are different between the patients of sp and the normal. In the normal although have them but they take them only as need. Need don’t conduct fear and phobia. Need don’t always full of mind all the time and it is only a thought action to might be controlled. So the normal people may live in reality all the time. They live by now. don’t always live in tomorrow . they don’t live in their daily dreams.. they know and can put them out of their mind whenever they like. They concentrate their thought in concrete steps toward the dream not the dream itself in tomorrow. They know that dream may be achieved or may not. They my accept dream’s failure and tack it as natural phenomenon. So they need not show fear or phobia when they contact the things or situations or occasions concern the dream and aspirations.
But the psychological disorder or the social phobia may display totally different way of about stated above. They mind live in tomorrow’s dream or aspirations al the time. Whenever they are working , eating, washing, traving or driving and so on.. so this must easily conduct fears or phobia whenever the contact the situation concern their dreams of aspirations. And accordingly this become obstacle of the social phobia to get out of the disease. Commonly the sp suffers always have bad situations in their social status or personal live, and lack respecting and self-confidence. so they often find way to make compensation to become outstanding . But those activities often make them strive to same thing in not rational sense. Thins kind of dream will never to be realized.Here I agree Mr racheh ‘s point of view: “ I agree that sometimes we make it more difficult by setting targets that we think will make it all better, subconciously, but not every hope comes from this. I think it would be more helpful to ask exactly why we are striving for something, and if it makes no rational sense, especially if it's done to avoid others' disapproval, then dump the idea, because it's part of the phobia.”
So the key for the sp suffers to escape from the difficulty is to banish the unrealistic dreams and aspirations first.

 

[pitkreet]

zzb3002, thank you for your interesting comments in this thread.

I can relate to some of the things you are saying about stop trying to hide your symptoms because you just make them worse. This is something which I have tried myself in the past in certain situations, and it did work to some extent.

But there are other situations where it did not work for me, or at least, I did not know how to get it to work. For example, one particular situation I have a fear of is going to parties, gatherings of many people where you are supposed to just mingle, make small-talk and have a good time.

I've been to parties where I simply did not know anyone except maybe one acquaintance. I felt completely ill at ease, unable to function, unable to talk to people, very anxious, very self-concious thinking that everyone is looking at me standing around like an idiot. I felt an overwhelming urge to flee, to just get out of there and go home as fast as possible. I always avoid such situations now.

Is that a situation to which you can relate or understand? If so, how do you learn to deal with it effectively? My only solution for dealing with these situations is to avoid them, but this does not cure the problem.

I am interested to hear more about the techiques which you have practised.

 

[zzb3002]

to Mr or Mis pitkreet
i can understand what you stated. for a sp suffer accpeting themselves what is like and dont comppress and find some alternative way to replays your symptoms anymore is a basic attitude
toward the disorder. it is only a prerequrement for sp suffers to get out off from sp. but it is undeniable that we do have somting wrong in our mind or brain's functions in deel with social affairs
.in my point of view that we do have fears ,dread or horror in our chest and mind toward social evence ,they deeply rooted in our brain. it is not as common consideration that the symtoms of sp is simply a mental phenomena not a disease itself. that is why for a sp suffer very difficult to eliminated the fear feeling and symptoms no matter whatever effort he or she make. acording my view point . sp and other psychological disorders are really disfunctional disease in their mind or brain's function. and this kind of ill can't easly be eliminated by people's will or cured by any drugs. the only way i think to cure it is to let the fear or dread itself collected in ap suffers mind to be release or set free. when them can be set free ,can the symptoms of sp will disapears naturally.and what is the way to release or set free them free? the answer is use the techniques i mentioned above--here i called it "to be a aware of "techniques . to observe the fear feeling happend in your chest ,to sense the fear feeling in your mind. , . to be aware of what happen in your feeling .to be aware what bad result will be brought by the sympome you think. let yourself stand out of the wrap or wind impersonally. and at the same time to sense and seek the feeling of acceptance , accpet the fear and the dread not to depress them or to make affort to get ride of them any more. accept the result you think it will bring for you.this is the key statment about the techniques i mentioned.
but i had to say that to use the techniquesdeeling with the sp succeefully will need much patient and wisdom .and it need long time practice. if u sue it succeesfully time by time. and whennever you meet the social situation you may use it. step by step you will get better. one day when you compare the feeling in the same social satuation you will find your performents and action is much better than before and your symptoms already lightened. gradutally you will get back completely.
different of sp disorder has diferrent of way of "bo be aware of " , but the principle is the same. it need you more practice and to summrise what was going

 

[applesewer]

Thanks zzb3002. I understand what you mean now about dreams.

 

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread...swim with the tide and not against it.
Definately food for thought.

The notion of lowering one's sights in respect to dreams is not right. Its more a case of reviewing and renewing dreams, sorting out what to pursue vigoriously and what to give less priority to. Dreams are what motivate us and without motivation we die. In reviewing our aspirations I think we need to look at which ones are fueled by such things as pride. These are the ones to discard because they feed SP. Others relating to, for instance, relationships or a useful career, should never be lessened.

Thank you zbb for an insightful posting.

 

[Anonymous]

being present....

I think what 'zzb3002' is talking about here is 'mindfulness'.Also known as 'being aware' or 'living in the present moment'.That is,focussing on what you are doing from moment to moment.Being aware of your thoughts,your emotions,your body...observing without judgement,not trying to change.Also involves for example,if you are doing something as simple as washing dishes,feeling the water,experiencing the smell of the suds,noticing the sound of the dripping....in other words using our senses and breaking out of the continual voice loop in our heads.It's about being present in these moments that make up our lives.It has also been called 'active meditation'.Apparently by being aware of thoughts,emotions etc. rather than covering them up,anxiety,fear etc will reduce.Acceptance seems to play a big part in this.As one book I read put it "the way out of pain is through".Books are available on this subject.

 

[Shadow]

I think you presents some very good points, zzb3002. I understand what your saying (atleat I think I do) but I don't fully agree. Used in conjuction with other techniques (such as CBT and Exposure therapy) I think it can be very useful. But used on it's own I think it can be very dangerous, particuarly for those who are suicidal. It can very easily be misinterperated.

Looking back on my recovery over the last few months, I've noticed that I've employed some of the techniques you mention. I've accepted that some things won't change and others will simply take a long time to change. I've learned to stop worrying about trying to change everything, particuarly when my only reason for wanted to change those things is to fit in or please somebody else. I guess the key is acceptance. I accept who I am and I accept that I have SP and may have it for the remainder of my life.

 

[Anonymous]

zzb3002. I'm impressed by your way of manage the english language, mine's also not native. I would like to have a chess game with you but i think that's not happening. (just a thought)

Ihave this theory about SP people typing a lot but don talking too much. what do you think? This is to say having passion for words and obsessed with them so they could write great books relatively easy.
I think the tecnique its valuable and it does requires feeling comfortable.
The mind also lives in the past not only in the future. thankfully, our body lives in the present ( and at the same is as old as the big bang? ). so why leave it alone?
What are words and how they function? (...)
What do you people in China are thinkin about? ( j/k).
Why does your language is made of symbols instead of letters? (nm)

Peace.

 

[zzb3002]

What Irish sky said is very recapitulative and generalized and they are what I want to say. it is let me feel intersting that in your country already have this kind of theory. it is also concern to the psychological field? are there some people already use it to treat some mental disorder?I hope u come here very often and put forward more article on the same topic. If you have this kind of book, could you please send me copy of it?

 

[Anonymous]

I've read about the topic of mindfulness in connection with meditation and yoga. Whilst I found it a worthwhile concept in terms of helping you relax whilst alone, I really don't see how it helps at all when you are trying to socialise with people. You can't have your focus on the sensation of your clothes against your skin, etc, whilst struggling to think of things to say in a conversation.

 

[Anonymous]

Well,I would say, when in a conversation focus on what the other person is saying,when you are speaking,focus on what you are saying.When you are fully into the conversation in this manner,questions and comments should come to you easier.When you are focusing on whatever you are doing,you are training yourself to live in the moment.That is as opposed to spending you time increasing your anxiety/depression etc by pondering the past and imagined futures(usually negative imagined futures surprise surprise).Focusing also helps us to get away from that usually negative/critical voice in our heads....(Note to zzb3002,if you require books on the subject of present moment living/mindfulness,put these subjects in your search engine and see what comes up.Good luck.)