accept your everything is the only way to cure sp
- Thread starter Anonymous
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Kaya
Active member
I think this discussion is really important because it really gets at the core, as far as my experience goes, of social phobia/ anxiety.
The more we worry about the symptoms the worse they become, but on the other hand, accepting them, and accepting that they may never go away is a very very difficult thing to do because it means giving up our hope for the future, giving up our dreams, and in a way giving up our selves, or the things we believe give us self worth. If we do not have hope that we can one day live normal lives then life becomes a very meaningless and potentially painful prospect.
However I believe that what zzb3002 is suggesting is the only way out. It is not a matter of defeat, of accepting that life may never be what we wish it to be, but a process of saying "Hey, I'm not perfect, I'm a complete boob in social situations, but I'm a worthy human being, no matter how much I sweat and shake and stutter and blush."
If we accpt ourselves for being what we are, then we don' have to worry about what others think.
Again, I think this is a very difficult thing to do, but perhaps the only thing that would ultimately work.
The more we worry about the symptoms the worse they become, but on the other hand, accepting them, and accepting that they may never go away is a very very difficult thing to do because it means giving up our hope for the future, giving up our dreams, and in a way giving up our selves, or the things we believe give us self worth. If we do not have hope that we can one day live normal lives then life becomes a very meaningless and potentially painful prospect.
However I believe that what zzb3002 is suggesting is the only way out. It is not a matter of defeat, of accepting that life may never be what we wish it to be, but a process of saying "Hey, I'm not perfect, I'm a complete boob in social situations, but I'm a worthy human being, no matter how much I sweat and shake and stutter and blush."
If we accpt ourselves for being what we are, then we don' have to worry about what others think.
Again, I think this is a very difficult thing to do, but perhaps the only thing that would ultimately work.
Anonymous
Well-known member
I do not agree that it is the only way out. It may well be a solution for some people but it is clear to me that some people have essentially rid themselves of SA through CBT, understanding the core problem, actively and diligently working on their self-esteem, taking positive steps to get out of the SA trap.
Whilst what zz may be of some additional benefit, I certainly do not see it as the only possible cure and indeed I think it sounds like such a hard thing to do that I would recommend trying other techniques first.
And the idea of giving up on your dreams of ever being normal and simply accepting the way you are does not sound like a positive solution. It sounds more like an existence rather than a life. Accepting that you are essentially going to live your life outside of society makes me think you may as well be a dog or go live as wild man in the woods.
Whilst what zz may be of some additional benefit, I certainly do not see it as the only possible cure and indeed I think it sounds like such a hard thing to do that I would recommend trying other techniques first.
And the idea of giving up on your dreams of ever being normal and simply accepting the way you are does not sound like a positive solution. It sounds more like an existence rather than a life. Accepting that you are essentially going to live your life outside of society makes me think you may as well be a dog or go live as wild man in the woods.
Kaya
Active member
I agree with you, there are other therapies that work well for people, and my comment that it might be the only solution perhaps applies to only some people.
When I say that people have to give up their dreams, I mean the dreams that go "When my SA has been cured I can finally go out and be X, or do X". By accepting and imbracing the condition you can change those dreams to "I have SA/ SP and I am going to go out and be X, and do X anyway."
I don't mean you should give up any hope, and I certainly don't think that having SA/SP means a life outside society - I have achieved many things in my life, despite the fear, I have had some good friendships and relationships. At the end of the day I am the only one who is punishing myself for not being perfect, if I can accept my imperfections I will no doubt continue to be shy and sweat and shake and blush and panic, but it won't bother me as much and therefore the syptoms will reduce by themselves. So far from retreating from the world and living like a dog, I will be able to go out there and do what I want in all my nervous glory!!
When I say that people have to give up their dreams, I mean the dreams that go "When my SA has been cured I can finally go out and be X, or do X". By accepting and imbracing the condition you can change those dreams to "I have SA/ SP and I am going to go out and be X, and do X anyway."
I don't mean you should give up any hope, and I certainly don't think that having SA/SP means a life outside society - I have achieved many things in my life, despite the fear, I have had some good friendships and relationships. At the end of the day I am the only one who is punishing myself for not being perfect, if I can accept my imperfections I will no doubt continue to be shy and sweat and shake and blush and panic, but it won't bother me as much and therefore the syptoms will reduce by themselves. So far from retreating from the world and living like a dog, I will be able to go out there and do what I want in all my nervous glory!!
sky
Member
Kaya said:
Exactly, the same has worked for me. Without knowing what SA/SP/whatever you want to call it is, I would feel ashamed for not being like everyone else and not being able to talk even when I wanted to. I would stay home and away from people and then be ashamed of myself because of my irrational reactions. Just knowing about it at first didn't help because I tried to "cure" it with many different futile methods. I got frustrated because no amount of thinking differently or medications would make my symptoms go away, and I became ashamed of myself even more and couldn't even go outside for a while. Accepting it as part of my life has done me a world of good and allowed me to get on with my life. I'm still frustrated a lot, but it's with the disorder, not myself, so it's improved my self-esteem a lot to think this way. Everyone has problems in their life and this just happens to be one of mine.
I'm not saying it applies to everyone that SP is incurable. This is what works for me, as someone who this has been a lifelong problem for, and if you're frustrated that no other methods are working for a "cure"... Consider acceptance.
Kaya
Active member
If accepting oneself was easy there would not be SP or this site or the need for this discussion or any of the fear and frustration that we all go through.
Most people do not accept themselves, but get by in life, it is only when we deny our selves so strongly that it breally interferes with life such as through SP or depression or even eating disorders, that we are forced to confront ourselves.
I used to think that the best way to get over SP was to be perfect, to be the best, to be faultless, but then I realised that that was exactly what was causing the SP and to get past it I had to realise that I am just an average human being, with a few weird quirks like panic attacks, just the same as someone else might have ecsma or ears that stick our, or bad teeth. We all have our faults, mine are no worse than others, and thinking they are is another one of my faults...
Most people do not accept themselves, but get by in life, it is only when we deny our selves so strongly that it breally interferes with life such as through SP or depression or even eating disorders, that we are forced to confront ourselves.
I used to think that the best way to get over SP was to be perfect, to be the best, to be faultless, but then I realised that that was exactly what was causing the SP and to get past it I had to realise that I am just an average human being, with a few weird quirks like panic attacks, just the same as someone else might have ecsma or ears that stick our, or bad teeth. We all have our faults, mine are no worse than others, and thinking they are is another one of my faults...
zzb3002
Member
[/quote]
I dont oppoes that the suffers of sp have the dream being normal , the matter is in what way we achieve the dream. it is a matter our attitude toward symptoms--let them be or to depress(avoide) them . we should understand that it is due to the sp suffers don't accept their symptoms atitude cause the disorder get worse graduatily. if the symptom appeared at the very begaining of our sp course,we had not depressed them irritatedly and anxoursely , let them be as a nature reaction and accept them ,things would have being other way round. we also should understand that our raction on social situation is the matter of nature . no matter it is normal or not. no matter u like it or not , include the symotams of sp. nature is most pawerful. no one can withsdand it or change it. accept our symptoms is accept nature. but it dont mean we will never become normal and let our spmptoms with us for hole life , it mean we should turn it over to the nature . the only thing we should do is relax our body , unfasten our mentality and be aware of what is happing. believe nature is functional ,believe nature is powerful. it can lead our to be normal. things will change little by little and day by day. use feel exchange feel, sense exchange sense . disintegrate your symptoms naturely not artificially. put things on the sense layer is very importent. dont relay on your imagination any more( we have custum to it). imaginating what should like , imaginating what we should act, imaginating what we shourd become tommorow are all obstcles on our way to back. nature is the only we lead us out. not by man-made dreams
i emphasize that we should obey the law of nature dont mean we should paralised before the symptoms of sp . paralisys before symptoms is also some kinds of withstanding or avoiding or depression. we should actively find the feel or sence toward acceptence. let the symptoms show themseves. althought their presentation let u feel shame and humiliation. anyway tolerate them , do what u should do. seek the accpet feeling. dont withstand anymore. for a morment u will become calm and confident the symptoms will disapear. evrything rely on your practice. practice mean we should live a normal life , do whatever we should do in the society , including your career, your fimaly life etc. dont need live out side of the society . leading normal life in society is the only situation let us practice our theray and techniques and realize our dream to be normal . we maybe all have the experence of swiming. if you only imaginate how can i swim on bank, you will never really know what is the realy feeling of swiming , and cant master the swiming techniques. if we dive into the pool , we are at the begaining of the practice the swiming techniques.
zzb3002
Member
[/quote]
I dont oppoes that the suffers of sp have the dream being normal , the matter is in what way we achieve the dream. it is a matter our attitude toward symptoms--let them be or to depress(avoide) them . we should understand that it is due to the sp suffers don't accept their symptoms atitude cause the disorder get worse graduatily. if the symptom appeared at the very begaining of our sp course,we had not depressed them irritatedly and anxoursely , let them be as a nature reaction and accept them ,things would have being other way round. we also should understand that our raction on social situation is the matter of nature . no matter it is normal or not. no matter u like it or not , include the symotams of sp. nature is most pawerful. no one can withsdand it or change it. accept our symptoms is accept nature. but it dont mean we will never become normal and let our spmptoms with us for hole life , it mean we should turn it over to the nature . the only thing we should do is relax our body , unfasten our mentality and be aware of what is happing. believe nature is functional ,believe nature is powerful. it can lead our to be normal. things will change little by little and day by day. use feel exchange feel, sense exchange sense . disintegrate your symptoms naturely not artificially. put things on the sense layer is very importent. dont relay on your imagination any more( we have custum to it). imaginating what should like , imaginating what we should act, imaginating what we shourd become tommorow are all obstcles on our way to back. nature is the only we lead us out. not by man-made dreams
i emphasize that we should obey the law of nature dont mean we should paralised before the symptoms of sp . paralisys before symptoms is also some kinds of withstanding or avoiding or depression. we should actively find the feel or sence toward acceptence. let the symptoms show themseves. althought their presentation let u feel shame and humiliation. anyway tolerate them , do what u should do. seek the accpet feeling. dont withstand anymore. for a morment u will become calm and confident the symptoms will disapear. evrything rely on your practice. practice mean we should live a normal life , do whatever we should do in the society , including your career, your fimaly life etc. dont need live out side of the society . leading normal life in society is the only situation let us practice our theray and techniques and realize our dream to be normal . we maybe all have the experence of swiming. if you only imaginate how can i swim on bank, you will never really know what is the realy feeling of swiming , and cant master the swiming techniques. if we dive into the pool , we are at the begaining of the practice the swiming techniques.
zzb3002
Member
[/quote]
"I used to think that the best way to get over SP was to be perfect, to be the best, to be faultless, but then I realised that that was exactly what was causing " the point of view is very pertinent and relevant
"accete we are just average human beingsa, with a few weird quirks like panic attacks, just the same as someone else might have ecsma or ears that stick our, or bad teeth. We all have our faults, mine are no worse than others, and thinking they are is another one of my faults." those are the right attitude of foundation of get out of sp