Thanks Masamune, my family just get to me sometimes, they treat me so diffrently. Latley they've been supporting me alot, I can't take praise well, it feels fake, and thats not what I want, I want to be treated the way they treat everyone else. I'm just social phobic and agoraphobic (I'm ignoring the as diagnosis) It's just isolation, I'm bad at communicating cause of it, but so would anyone else. And treating me like that's not exactly solving the problem. I hate that attitude when I play video games too, but what should I care? Some of the things they do aren't exactly mature themselves.
I can't wait to get on with my life, I crave my own place and a life, I'll get it eventually, I have to, I'm not getting any younger.
Sorry if I don't make much sense here...
What happened was cause of my mums friend, shes 30, my older sisters age, she kinda knows how I feel with being housebound cause she has really bad depression and sometimes stays in and can't face the world. She was abused as a kid, but she dosen't fear men like I do. But thats how I come out to talk to her when she comes up, cause I can relate. But she dosen't know why I'm in the house, that I went through similar things, and I think she was offended that I gave her some advice on relationships. Ever since that shes gotten a bit worse with treating me like that, worse than the usual.
I haven't told my parents anything when it came to guys either at school and college. I didn't really bond with them, so I can't, even now, I can imagine them getting mad, I know they would.
Anyway, I said to her about the man she was with from what she said, and baisically what was gonna happen. That he was using her, he was abusive and was after her daughter. That was terrible to say, and I can see why I shouldn't have.. but everything did happen. And it's not like I rubbed her face in it with I told you so, I don't do that. It was a really stupid thing to do, I know that now. I'll stay quiet next time, I don't have the people skills or experience to help. I was just trying to help.
I'm so sick of not being to tell anyone anything, no one knowing and being stuck here. They think I'm just really shy, ugh, they should have figured it out by now. And I do have someone I love, but we are kind of friends just now, he wants me to get on with my life a bit first. I'm so grateful I met him, he knows everything, and won't tell. My family just think I'm gonna be on my own the rest of my life... I just hate keeping everything in. And her wondering what gives me the right to think I can give any advice to anyone cause I've spent my life in here. I'm not the stupid little girl she thinks I am, but I do deserve a telling off for saying that though.
p.s. Starry, that post I made about your rant, I'm sorry for that too. I thought I could relate to how you felt about that, and I couldn't. You are nice though, seriously. My problem with my looks is that I fear positive judgement and I'm hurt by negative judgement.
And I really messed up giving advice in the depression forum... ahh...
But I'm gonna keep my posts there, I need to accept the fact that I make mistakes, but I won't be trying to help in things now where I obviously cant.
Right now I'm feeling happy with myself. I felt left out, from them after that day, and stayed up looking up make up and all that stuff. I felt so ugly and disgusted with myself looking at all that stuff that girls have, I feel like I've missed out on so much, I didn't feel like a woman, just a kid, a tomboy. I was so choked up and gonna cry and just then my online gardian angel caught me online =) and made me feel normal, myself again. I'm back to loving myself again and the guy who likes me, likes me for what I am. 'sigh' I just feel so strong now.
And thanks, for listening to my rant. I'll try an be a little more positive next time.^.^