Journey of Jazz

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PerseverareJasmine

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I've been stuffing myself with cherry vanilla ice cream tonight. Coffee ice cream is my favorite, but cherry vanilla is good too.

My mom hasn't been going to visit her boyfriend lately. I think they may have had an argument, but when I ask her if they did, she just tells me she doesn't feel like going down there to see him. She used to go nearly every night. She doesn't seem upset at all about not being around him often anymore though, she actually seems happier. Maybe he screwed up. Her boyfriend has shown many red flags and some of his behavior in the past has irritated and intimidated me, so maybe its a good thing that she seems to be distancing herself from him.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I cleaned my room today and found my old choir binder with the music we sang in it. It made me feel nostalgic. Choir was the only thing I liked about high school. The rest of my high school experience felt like hell. This is a French song that we sang in my junior year called Notre Pere. My pronunciation of a lot of the phrases are horrible, really, really crappy. I felt like being silly and singing it though. I took French in high school, but I was never able to catch on to it. My French teacher, Ms. Kelly, would always say "Jas-mean! (she never could say my name right) Are you not paying attention in class? You are saying those words wrong!" :eek:mg:. I also started giggling towards the end of the song because I screwed up the lyrics and was running out of breath too.

Vocaroo | Voice message
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I wonder if my mom is going to want to go to Texarkana to visit her side of the family on the 4th of July. They usually have this big family get together/picnic. I've always felt extremely anxious going to them. I've never been close with my grandmother either, and all of our interactions seem tense, on the phone and in person.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I really need to try to back off of drinking so much iced coffee. I've had about two and a half cups of this:

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International Delight Caramel Macchiato flavored iced coffee.
Now I can't fall asleep. I usually have that problem without coffee though, not being able to sleep, as I've wrote about in this diary several times.

I had a Harry Potter movie marathon earlier. It was pretty fun. I don't think I've mentioned it on this forum, but I'm a big fan of the series. This is embarrassing, but when I was much younger, I used to hold brooms between my thighs and act like I was flying on a broomstick around the house, and I used to pretend that pencils were wands while yelling out spells from the movie. I remember I once pointed a pencil that I was imagining as a wand up at a light bulb that had gone out, and shouted "Lumos!" I was disappointed when the light didn't come on.

My mom hates the fact that I love the series. Whenever she sees me watching the movies or reading the books, she'll give the television screen or the book in my hands a look of hatred, roll her eyes, and ask me why I'm watching/reading that "silly, evil series" again, as she refers to it. She thinks that the movies and books involve too much evil subject matter and that they are "closely related to the devil". I've tried to tell her that the story actually deals very much with defeating evil, but she just says "You're wrong" after I try to explain, so I don't really bother anymore.

I'd love to have the invisibility cloak from the movie, and a time turner as well. I'd definitely find those two items useful. I often wish I owned a pair of glasses that look like Harry's too. These are the glasses I wear, and that I'm getting tired of wearing, which I talked about in here a little while back:
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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A while back, my mom and I tried to move out of the house we're in now to a house in a city near us. We ended up not getting the house, but my mom brought up today that she still wants to move and is going to look online for more options. It would feel strange if we did end up moving because we've lived in this house for so long, since about 2002, but at the same time, it might be a good change.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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Well, my mom is going back to her boyfriend's house tonight for the first time in weeks. I've already expressed in this diary how I feel about her boyfriend. I hope her feelings for him aren't clouding her judgment.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I was reminded earlier today of the fact that I haven't had a hug in months. My family isn't physically affectionate towards each other. I'm not much of a touchy-feely person myself, but a hug would be nice every now and then, comforting in a way.

My mom is still out with her boyfriend, and its 2:39 a.m. She's staying the night there apparently. I hope he treats her better this time around, but I have doubts that he will. My mom and I have had very low points in the past, but I do want her to be happy.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
PerseverareJasmine said:
I was reminded earlier today of the fact that I haven't had a hug in months. My family isn't physically affectionate towards each other. I'm not much of a touchy-feely person myself, but a hug would be nice every now and then, comforting in a way.
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Hugs are beneficial in many different ways, so that's really sad. I'll send you an e-hug, but it's not the same.
 
TreeBones

TreeBones

Well-known member
PerseverareJasmine said:
Boo!

Boo Bass | Pogo - YouTube

I feel like watching Monsters Inc. I remember crying when I watched it as a little girl, at the part where Sulley had to say goodbye to Boo.
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aww.
You like pogo too? One of my favorite youtubers did a edward scissorhands pogo tribute, It's very good :)
Also, btw, I love how you like things like harry potter and LOTR. I think it would be pretty sweet to have an invisibility cloak as well :giggle:
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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TreeBones said:
aww.
You like pogo too? One of my favorite youtubers did a edward scissorhands pogo tribute, It's very good :)
Also, btw, I love how you like things like harry potter and LOTR. I think it would be pretty sweet to have an invisibility cloak as well :giggle:
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Yeah, I love the way pogo mashes up dialogue, music, and sounds from movies. I think his videos are pretty brilliant. Having an invisibility cloak to put on so no one would see me when I pass by would be great. I have to admit, I'd also use it to play a lot of pranks on my family :bigsmile:.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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My mom and I are going to Texarkana for the 4th of July after all. She plans on staying for maybe five days. I really am not a fan of family reunions. Just thinking about going is making me feel antsy. My sister isn't going to be going with us, which makes the situation even worse. It'll just be my mom and I, surrounded by family members who I haven't seen or talked to in years. Fun right?
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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I finished watching the season premiere of Falling Skies a while ago. It did a good job of setting the tone of the episode early and building the tension throughout the episode. There were a few twists too. I'm ready to see how the rest of the season plays out.

I'm still nervous about the fact that I'm going to the family reunion. I wish there was a way to get out of it. My mom keeps telling me that they are my family and I should be able to be comfortable around them, but I've always felt really distant from most of my family members. I'm able to feel somewhat comfortable around my immediate family (though there are definitely cracks in my relationship with my mom), but when I hardly talk to or see people outside of my immediate family, after not communicating with them for such a long time, I tense up around them and get really, really uncomfortable and self-conscious trying to be around them. I always feel like they can sense my discomfort. Their faces always look like they are inspecting me with uneasy smiles, waiting for me to break down or something. I'm not close to any of them, not even my grandma.

The only person outside of my immediate family who I was close with, extremely close with actually, was my grandpa, Papa John. I was always able to be comfortable with him and talk to him openly without feeling judged. Something about the way he talked to people and the feeling that he gave you when he was listening to you talk, as if he truly, genuinely did care about everything you said to him, and that you were his main priority when talking to him, made me feel mind-blowingly secure and loved around him. He really did give the best hugs too, giant bear hugs that I loved getting. He always smelled like a mixture of cologne and peppermint patties. He got really sick, and I was in the middle of making him a get well card to send to him when my mom came in my room and told me he passed away. It was in 2005, around Christmastime.
 
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PerseverareJasmine

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My older sister told me on the phone earlier that she's considering moving to New York after she finishes her time in college. She asked me if I would want to possibly move in with her if she does move there. I've wanted to visit New York for a long time now, but I'm not sure I would want to live there. I haven't completely ruled out the option though.
 
S_Spartan

S_Spartan

Well-known member
PerseverareJasmine said:
My older sister told me on the phone earlier that she's considering moving to New York after she finishes her time in college. She asked me if I would want to possibly move in with her if she does move there. I've wanted to visit New York for a long time now, but I'm not sure I would want to live there. I haven't completely ruled out the option though.
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New York City or upstate?
 
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