Can't get a girlfriend? Come to the dark side

[SickJoke]

The basic premise is that it requires some measure of flirtation and manipulation in order to pick up women.

Flirtation is of course encouraged, it's a natural part of courtship. Manipulation isn't part of this.

My wife would never go for any of this stuff and I would have never met her if I did this stuff.

A lot of people say that, but attraction is not a choice. Just as men have no control over their attraction to physical beauty, women have no control over their attraction to alpha males.

It's evolutionary psychology. Our biological priorities are: survival and replication. Women seek men for their survival capabilities, and men seek women for their replication capabilities.

 

[SickJoke]

I'd try this stuff, but it just seems so... not me. A big part of it is that there are a few kids in my school who have no social awareness whatsoever, and they think they do because they try to act cool and dress cool, even if it's unnatural. So I won't be able to look at myself without feeling like a loser trying to be cool, and feeling totally unnatural. I'd rather be natural at being withdrawn, rather than feeling like I'm one of the kids who look completely unnatural at trying to be outgoing.

Just like every other skill set, social skills take practice.

 

[Argamemnon]

It's how to walk up to a random group of people, befriend everyone, and attract the hottest girl of the group. Who wouldn't want to know how to do that?

You can't "learn" that when you suffer from (severe) social anxiety and/or depression. If you don't come across as happy, you can't be succesful with women. Not even with men, lol...

 

[SickJoke]

You can't "learn" that when you suffer from (severe) social anxiety and/or depression. If you don't come across as happy, you can't be succesful with women. Not even with men, lol...

Yes it can be learned. This stuff is broken down to an exact step by step science. You approach over the shoulder, you smile, you open your mouth, and you speak. They even give you training wheels and tell you what to say. When you get more comfortable, you lose the training wheels. Everything is covered, from eye contact, to body language, vocal tonality, etc etc.

 

[no1]

It's evolutionary psychology. Our biological priorities are: survival and replication. Women seek men for their survival capabilities, and men seek women for their replication capabilities.

that makes me feel better.

along with the whole alpha male/beta male concept.

 

[SickJoke]

that makes me feel better.

along with the whole alpha male/beta male concept.

It should. As guys we're the lucky ones. Girls can only improve their genetic looks by so much: working out, tanning, makeup, etc. Guys on the other hand, have their whole life to learn the social skills to become an alpha male. One resource is... this thread.

 

[Day_Tripper]

Just like every other skill set, social skills take practice.

I have pretty good social skills. I just don't want to feel like one of the kids who try to fake "fitting in" or "being cool".

 

[no1]

uhm.. you think looks are the only features a girl can improve?

 

[SickJoke]

I have pretty good social skills. I just don't want to feel like one of the kids who try to fake "fitting in" or "being cool".

In the video in the original post, does Mystery look like he fits in? The idea is to stand out, to be unique and attractive.

uhm.. you think looks are the only features a girl can improve?

Of course not. I was talking about sexual attraction:

A lot of people say that, but attraction is not a choice. Just as men have no control over their attraction to physical beauty, women have no control over their attraction to alpha males.

It's evolutionary psychology. Our biological priorities are: survival and replication. Women seek men for their survival capabilities, and men seek women for their replication capabilities.

 

[Day_Tripper]

In the video in the original post, does Mystery look like he fits in? The idea is to stand out, to be unique and attractive.

Yeah, they try to stand out and they fail because it's so unnatural, and I don't want to be like one of them.

 

[SickJoke]

Yeah, they try to stand out and they fail because it's so unnatural, and I don't want to be like one of them.

Nah that's who he is. He's been a magician since he was a teenager. He's done magic shows all his life. He knows his identity and he wears his personality on his sleeve, instead of being another one of the billions of boring, generic guys. He pursued his dream and he gets laid like a rockstar, if you call that a failure, well thats your opinion

 

[Day_Tripper]

Nah that's who he is. He's been a magician since he was a teenager. He's done magic shows all his life. He knows his identity and he wears his personality on his sleeve, instead of being another one of the billions of boring, generic guys. He pursued his dream and he gets laid like a rockstar, if you call that a failure, well thats your opinion

No no no, I'm talking about kids at my school. I said:

There are a few kids in my school who have no social awareness whatsoever, and they think they do because they try to act cool and dress cool, even if it's unnatural. So I won't be able to look at myself without feeling like a loser trying to be cool, and feeling totally unnatural. I'd rather be natural at being withdrawn, rather than feeling like I'm one of the kids who look completely unnatural at trying to be outgoing.

And I don't want to look like one of those kids, forcing myself to be outgoing, because when they try to be outgoing, it makes everyone feel awkward.

 

[SickJoke]

No no no, I'm talking about kids at my school. I said:

There are a few kids in my school who have no social awareness whatsoever, and they think they do because they try to act cool and dress cool, even if it's unnatural. So I won't be able to look at myself without feeling like a loser trying to be cool, and feeling totally unnatural. I'd rather be natural at being withdrawn, rather than feeling like I'm one of the kids who look completely unnatural at trying to be outgoing.

Oh ok. This is what confused me:

I just don't want to feel like one of the kids who try to fake "fitting in" or "being cool".

Yeah, they try to stand out and they fail because it's so unnatural, and I don't want to be like one of them.

Are they trying to fit in or stand out? because those are kind of opposites

And I don't want to look like one of those kids, forcing myself to be outgoing, because when they try to be outgoing, it makes everyone feel awkward.

But yeah, learning anything feels awkward at first, until we get the hang of it, then it feels totally natural. The tools in this thread are basically instruction guides to become outgoing, because that's a prerequisite to attracting a beautiful woman.

 

[cosmosis]

Sickjoke,

I enjoy your posts and the help you give, but I think most of this thread might be a bit of a discouragement for people who have anything more than just mild anxiety. Anyone with any significant anxiety would just get discouraged putting any of this into action. If they are not in the mindset they would probably just see it as another failure, regardless of success. I know with me, I had to first work on myself before I could even contemplate a proper relationship. Atleast that's my opinion, but its possibly helpful for some here who are at the right point.

It should. As guys we're the lucky ones. Girls can only improve their genetic looks by so much: working out, tanning, makeup, etc. Guys on the other hand, have their whole life to learn the social skills to become an alpha male. One resource is... this thread.

I'm all for evolutionary psychology, but its a guiding force, not a overpowering dominate force. If it was, then ugly girls would never find anyone (we know that's not true) and weak flimsy guys wouldn't either (not true either). I think there are an equal amount of women who don't care for alpha males as there are males who are not alpha at all. It's a balance like everything else. There really are women out there that don't care for alpha males at all. I should know, I'm married to one.

 

[Day_Tripper]

But yeah, learning anything feels awkward at first, until we get the hang of it, then it feels totally natural. The tools in this thread are basically instruction guides to become outgoing, because that's a prerequisite to attracting a beautiful woman.

Well let me ask you personally, what kind of person were you before you learned this stuff? Because there's a huge difference between simply being a bit shy around girls, and being withdrawn from people in general.

 

[SickJoke]

I enjoy your posts and the help you give, but I think most of this thread might be a bit of a discouragement for people who have anything more than just mild anxiety.

A discouragement would be: "Don't even try." This thread is an encouragement.

Anyone with any significant anxiety would just get discouraged putting any of this into action.

That's a generalization, and a defeatist attitude. Personally when I hit rock bottom, I was willing to try anything. This stuff works. It's been tested by thousands of guys with no social skills whatsoever.

If they are not in the mindset they would probably just see it as another failure, regardless of success.

Another generalization. Typically when someone has success, they regard it as a success. The right mindset is to say "There's no such thing as failure, only feedback."

I know with me, I had to first work on myself before I could even contemplate a proper relationship.

This IS a way of working on yourself.

Atleast that's my opinion, but its possibly helpful for some here who are at the right point.

To anyone who thinks they're not at the "right point" yet, I say this: Stop waiting for the right time and the right place. It's easy to get stuck in your comfort zone. Before you know it 10 years will go by and nothing will have changed. It's up to us to take control of our own lives. Right here and right now.

I'm all for evolutionary psychology, but its a guiding force, not a overpowering dominate force.

It is definitely a dominate force. It's instinct!

If it was, then ugly girls would never find anyone (we know that's not true) and weak flimsy guys wouldn't either (not true either).

Sure they do - they find each other!

I think there are an equal amount of women who don't care for alpha males as there are males who are not alpha at all.

They might say they don't care; they might even THINK they don't care, but attraction is not a choice. This stuff is hardwired into our brains. Men are attracted to physical beauty, women are attracted to alpha male characteristics. We can't control it.

Well let me ask you personally, what kind of person were you before you learned this stuff? Because there's a huge difference between simply being a bit shy around girls, and being withdrawn from people in general.

Of course there's a difference. I had extreme generalized social anxiety. This stuff has changed the lives of thousands of people who were complete social failures.

 

[Argamemnon]

Yes it can be learned. This stuff is broken down to an exact step by step science. You approach over the shoulder, you smile, you open your mouth, and you speak. They even give you training wheels and tell you what to say. When you get more comfortable, you lose the training wheels. Everything is covered, from eye contact, to body language, vocal tonality, etc etc.

You can't smile when you're anxious or depressed.

 

[SickJoke]

You can't smile when you're anxious or depressed.

Unless you had a stroke or something... it's your face, you can make any expression you want.

 

[Argamemnon]

You don't seem to understand. When I'm anxious, the fear is sometimes unbearable, it is impossible for me to make a good impression in that state.

 

[SickJoke]

You don't seem to understand. When I'm anxious, the fear is sometimes unbearable, it is impossible for me to make a good impression in that state.

Still, you have control of the muscles in your face. You can consciously contort them into a smile, even if you feel like shit.

EDIT: We were talking about smiling. Yeah, you probably won't make a good impression, but you still would have made the approach, and that's progress.