How are you feeling?

[twiggle]

Better today. The date went well. I'm still not sure where it's heading but maybe the trick is not to try and decide on that too soon? At the end, he offered to cook for me next time, which I'm taking as a good sign. He is very sweet, a bit shy - a nice change to the somewhat overbearing guys who in my experience have seemed to expect too much from me too soon. And he's of foreign blood. I find foreign men particularly attractive.

I'm still a bit bothered about something else. Maybe it's just paranoia, maybe not. If it's not, then I do have to take a lesson from it and acknowledge that I could have handled something a lot better than the way I did. There's also been something else I could have handled a lot better recently. I am disappointed in myself for the way I have acted and a couple of things I have said in the situations. A couple of reactionary moments have gone against my personal morals and values. I was wrong, and I am sorry. But I need to show that to prove it, not just type it out on a forum. Ho hum.

Now - it's time to head to the capital for some food and to throw a snowball at my friend's head.

 

[BlueDays]

Better today. The date went well. I'm still not sure where it's heading but maybe the trick is not to try and decide on that too soon? At the end, he offered to cook for me next time, which I'm taking as a good sign. He is very sweet, a bit shy - a nice change to the somewhat overbearing guys who in my experience have seemed to expect too much from me too soon. And he's of foreign blood. I find foreign men particularly attractive.

Glad to hear your date went well twiggle.
His offering to cook for you next time sounds promising :thumbup:

 

[Kiwong]

Fearful. oopopopoo

 

[hidwell]

Fearful. oopopopoo

Is it work related ?

 

[KiaKaha]

I just feel that I'm not really needed or wanted by anyone (other than my husband).

I know that feeling quite well. I am sorry - it's a crappy and very lonely way to feel. I am sure that it is not true, even though it no doubt feels like it is.
I think your cool and extraordinarily likable - and if I lived closer I would show you - I am afraid my words will have to suffice.

 

[Srijita52]

Nervous, I've to be in some kind of social situation in 15 minutes and while I'm much more relaxed than I used to be it still feels uncomfortable.

Today I had a dream which reminded me of what happened in the past. I woke up feeling dead tired.

Several years back, I transferred to another school hoping for a new beginning. The first day, I went to my anatomy and phys. class and sat down. There was a group of people sitting far from me and I could hear them looking and talking about me. But I tried to tell myself it's just my imagination because it's my first year there and people don't know me. I remember when I got took out a piece of paper, they would remark that I did so. When I wrote something on it, they would also talk about it. It felt like they were eyeing my every move. Very freaky. I remember i was sitting quietly and there was a girl sitting next to me. While the rest of the people around me were talking, I was quiet. My social anxiety was very high. THis went on for a couple of days.

Afterwards, I got tired of them looking at me and commenting on what I do so I moved towards the bottom seats and sat there. Now, I don't see them and they don't see my face. Problem solved, right? Wrong!!! They kept on talking about me, especially one annoying guy who kept on pointing at me. I remembered after we took our first test, this guy was going around saying loudly that he made a high A (90 something, I forgot) and it's annoying. I think he tried to get my attention, I'm not sure, because he never came up and talked to me. Then his friends started looking at me, asking each other "Is she looking?" And they would say, "Yes, she is." Uh, I sat down there so that I wouldn't have to look at these jerks.

Anyways one day, that guy got angry and his friend started saying "I hate her!" very loudly. I could hear him and feel him looking at me. Soon, the whole class joined in saying they don't like me and calling me stupid. It got to the point where I became the black sheep. All I did was be quiet and study and kept to myself. I don't know what I did wrong.

Eventually, I dropped out of the class. Even though I made an A (a 93) average for the class, I dropped out in the middle of the semester. I was scared. The professor thought I must be crazy for dropping because he asked me angrily, 'Why are you dropping? why are you here?' and I made up some fake excuse.

Guys like them are the worst. When they don't see a girl return their feelings or pay attention to them, they get angry and turn everybody against her. The guy who bullied me was popular, even though he's really not much to look at, so he successfully turned the whole class against me. I've met better guys, guys who are real men; some of them asked me out and I turned them down gracefully. But they don't get angry or go crazy. They understood and moved on.

People like him really make me sad, seems like he has some insecurity issues himself. Sorry you had to go through that.

Better today. The date went well. I'm still not sure where it's heading but maybe the trick is not to try and decide on that too soon? At the end, he offered to cook for me next time, which I'm taking as a good sign. He is very sweet, a bit shy - a nice change to the somewhat overbearing guys who in my experience have seemed to expect too much from me too soon. And he's of foreign blood. I find foreign men particularly attractive.

I'm still a bit bothered about something else. Maybe it's just paranoia, maybe not. If it's not, then I do have to take a lesson from it and acknowledge that I could have handled something a lot better than the way I did. There's also been something else I could have handled a lot better recently. I am disappointed in myself for the way I have acted and a couple of things I have said in the situations. A couple of reactionary moments have gone against my personal morals and values. I was wrong, and I am sorry. But I need to show that to prove it, not just type it out on a forum. Ho hum.

Now - it's time to head to the capital for some food and to throw a snowball at my friend's head.

I'm glad the date went well twiggle.

 

[Kiwong]

Is it work related ?

Yes, it is Hidwell, not looking forward to Monday afternoon.

 

[Starry]

oh, I guess quite a few of us in here can relate to that. At least you have a great husband by the sounds of it.:thumbup:
It is an unfortunate result of not being able to socialize with many people enough to build bonds outside our immediate family members.
I don't know about you, but I would die of lonliness with out the internet.

My husband is great - I have the internet to thank for him too lol. I probably would die of loneliness too, but at the same time, I feel that the internet makes it worse in a way... I find myself comparing myself with others who have people talk to them much more and I feel that I am insignificant and don't matter.

I know that feeling quite well. I am sorry - it's a crappy and very lonely way to feel. I am sure that it is not true, even though it no doubt feels like it is.
I think your cool and extraordinarily likable - and if I lived closer I would show you - I am afraid my words will have to suffice.

Thank you, Kia. It's probably not true, there may be one or two people who care, but I feel disconnected from them, and wonder if they only speak with me at all because they're lonely, not that I actually matter. Your words do help though.

 

[gazelle]

Feeling as if I don't exist. I must be a masochist. I don't even have a facebook page anymore, there was too much unwanted comparison, I deleted it , felt better and here I am now just when I'm feeling uber depressed and shouldn't go, having wasted 1.5 hours browsing into people's so called happy pictures with a friend's fake account, realizing how the people that I once knew and felt close to are going to parties that I'm no longer invited to ... it hurts, it really hurts to feel that you've been forgotten.
I'm sorry for the negativity.

 

[Xervello]

Feeling as if I don't exist. I must be a masochist. I don't even have a facebook page anymore, there was too much unwanted comparison, I deleted it , felt better and here I am now just when I'm feeling uber depressed and shouldn't go, having wasted 1.5 hours browsing into people's so called happy pictures with a friend's fake account, realizing how the people that I once knew and felt close to are going to parties that I'm no longer invited to ... it hurts, it really hurts to feel that you've been forgotten.
I'm sorry for the negativity.

That sucks, gazelle. You don't strike me as one who is easily forgotten though. You seem thoughtful and reflective. There's too many narcissists in the world, and often they don't value or recognize those who are worthy of attention. It's easier for others to ignore rather than try to appreciate someone. Unfortunately, being a complex person is a burden some must bear. I hope you find some people deserving of you. Until then, I hope you can settle for us all.

 

[gazelle]

That sucks, gazelle. You don't strike me as one who is easily forgotten though. You seem thoughtful and reflective. There's too many narcissists in the world, and often they don't value or recognize those who are worthy of attention. It's easier for others to ignore rather than try to appreciate someone. Unfortunately, being a complex person is a burden some must bear. I hope you find some people deserving of you. Until then, I hope you can settle for us all.

Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate your sympathy and regarding the settling part... I'm sure it's the opposite .

 

[kilojoule]

Yes, it is Hidwell, not looking forward to Monday afternoon.

Were there any more developments?

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I'm a festering cesspool of negativity.

Cheers, everybody! :brindis:

 

[Kiwong]

Were there any more developments?

No Jewel its Sunday here, so having a bad Sunday thinking about it.

 

[kilojoule]

Ah of course, sorry my days are all mixed up cos Ive been off the last week. Hopefully tm wont be too bad. I think youre doing the right thing ignoring it btw. Good luck and let us know what happens.

 

[Phoenixx]

So negative. :sad: It's amazing how one small situation can send you into a frenzy of negative thoughts about yourself. I was feeling so good today too. :/ I even rearranged my entire room and was reorganizing all my stuff, with music on, seeing if productivity would distract me. If anything, my mind just wandered more.

Why do I automatically beat myself up and analyze over stupid things? :thumbdown: I'm better than this!

 

[awkwardamanda]

No, it wasn't. It was a record-breaking hot day, and I got back from Melbourne in the evening, so I was lucky enough to miss it!

 

[MikeyC]

^ Yes, even for Australia, that is stupid-hot, haha. It's meant to be similar on Tuesday, so I've heard. I hope not because I'm going to be in the sun at work. Many drink breaks will be taken!

So negative. :sad: It's amazing how one small situation can send you into a frenzy of negative thoughts about yourself. I was feeling so good today too. :/ I even rearranged my entire room and was reorganizing all my stuff, with music on, seeing if productivity would distract me. If anything, my mind just wandered more.

Why do I automatically beat myself up and analyze over stupid things? :thumbdown: I'm better than this!

What happened, Phoenixx? I agree that you're better than that, but sometimes the smaller, seemingly insignificant moments can affect our mood more than we like to realise.

 

[Opaline]

I'm only 22 but I feel much older. I'm so weary. The "real world" is killing me. I'm not a people-person. I'm not financially savvy. I'm poor. I'm depressive and neurotic and a perfectionist. It's taboo to want to end your life, and I've been here before so there's no need to be melodramatic. Yes, I'm really self-centered too, but I've been at home for over a year now doing barely anything so of course I'm going to be wrapped up in the concerns of my little world. My own concerns are pretty much all I think about, it's true. And they're driving me under.

I'm having trouble accepting that I have about 3 options right now: 1) I either need to slowly try to figure out some plan for myself that will possibly end with me going nowhere, or 2) accept my mistakes as final and go nowhere, or 3) end my life. Or I could try #1 or #2 and then resort to #3 if it doesn't work out. Maybe I should save the hassle and skip to #3?

That's all I'm going to say. Don't mind my attention-seeking despair-laden posts, people. Just same old deal from me, move along... I'm just posting it here because that's what I do now when I'm troubled, family doesn't want to hear it anymore (although I'm sure you all are tired of it too but at least you can ignore me more easily).

 

[Kiwong]

Ah of course, sorry my days are all mixed up cos Ive been off the last week. Hopefully tm wont be too bad. I think youre doing the right thing ignoring it btw. Good luck and let us know what happens.

Thanks Jewel, I have the morning in the field, in the office afetnoon. I'm thinking of talking to a manager to clear the air. I heard/ imagined some people in the office where to talking about me, and it has created a horrible weekend for me.